He knows when I am lonely

I’m sure everyone, at one point or another, has felt the way that I do today.   Today I thought long and hard about the difference in feeling lonely and being alone.  You'd probably agree that these two things are very very different.  You see, I look at "lonely" as a feeling, not always a circumstance.  Because the most lonely I've ever been is not when I've been in isolation - sure, those are some pretty down and out days when I don't put myself around others and experience the joy of company and conversation.  But, what I mean is that the hardest type of loneliness is when you are surrounded by people but you don't feel like they understand you or you don't know how to portray what's in your mind and in your heart because you fear that they just won't get it.  And then there is the other kind of lonely when you have someone in your life that does "get you" but they remove themselves from you without much explanation.  Certainly not the explanation or compassion that you'd think a relationship filled with "I love you's" and "You're the best thing that ever happened to me" comments would deserve.  Today, I experienced both of these feelings of loneliness.  It's not my family's fault or my friends' fault that I feel lonely at times.  It is just part of us.  We are supposed to feel loneliness to a certain extent, in my opinion, so that we know the happiness that comes from others - like friends and family. 
My loneliness today didn't last for long, though.  Something really "God-sent" happened to me - which I know was a blessing for being so disciplined in my prayer and quiet times lately.  First of all, let me tell you something exremely weird - I haven't cried.  Someone I loved dearly and considered my best friend turned their back on what a wonderful relationship we had, and I haven't cried.  This is weird because I am a girl who FEELS.  I have super-emotions!!! I am a giver, a lover, a fighter, and I DO NOT believe in giving up on someone that you share so much with.  So for me not to cry, I am astounded (in a really good way) by my strength and dignity I have shown.  But, I still hurt on the inside.  I still wonder "why" and think "I never thought someone so gentle and that adored me SO much would just quit on me" but I somehow manage not to let it get me down or keep me down for long.  I turn to the one thing that will NEVER forsake me, never give up on me, and never ever ever let me down.  His promises are kept, no matter what and he never ignores me!!!

I am so glad I have a personal relationship with the Lord.  I'm free of worry and anxiety and sadness when I look into His Word and read the beautiful truth.  That there IS A PLAN FOR ME, there is a future for me, and there is a God who I can count on while I seek this plan and future. 

So, when I started feeling misunderstood, misinterpreted, and misjudged and when the feelings of lonely starting creeping in, I opened up my book case and grabbed a wonderful devotional, "Do You Know Who I Am?" by Angela Thomas.  I kid you not, I opened the book and turned right to this page...

It was an absolute reminder from the Lord that He knows my pains, He knows me weaknesses, He knows my heart's desires.  After I sat there and took a break from my 'project' I was working on and read this chapter that I just happened to open the book up to, I took in the awesome feeling of relief and felt so many worries just fade away.  I know that I will have lonely days.  I've experienced things in my life, like the fire, that few people will understand (and that's a good thing, I don't wish that upon anyone) and I know that life is an individualistic journey and we all are different - which can sometimes make for feelings of not fitting in, feeling left out, being rejected, being sad, and being misunderstood - but I also know that the Lord will not put any type of feelings, or any circumstance, or any tragedy in our lives without also giving us the strength and ability to handle it.  That's why I was meant to open the book up to page 111, Ch. 7 titled "Do You Know I Am Lonely? He is Here." 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

By reading that and praying for God to help me with my loneliness, I was able to turn the pain and sadness of being lonely into a feeling of solitude. Solitude is a word intended to express the glory of being alone.  I enjoyed this quiet time... the silence, the stillness.  I was calmed... because I know He loves me, He cares for me, and He is always here. 



peace and love

baily

God will honor the woman who faces her

 loneliness and then decides to live with integrity.