Monday, June 27, 2011

Life's Balance

So many of you have tweeted and texted me with concern about my where-abouts and well-being.  It is so funny how this whole blogging and social network phenomenon has changed the way our generation lives life.  It is fascinating to get lost in the wonder of it all... I seem to do that a lot here lately - get lost in the wonder of things. 

That's where I've been - not on vacation, not in the hospital, not missing or a run-away, and definitely not "logged off" of social media forever.  I have been here... doing more of the things we did before technology took over.  It has been a really enlightening experience and I can not imagine what it would have been like if I had cut out the laptop and iPhone entirely.  I still tweeted here and there.. usually when I wanted to fall asleep and tire my eyes or to tweet something on my mind at random with long periods in between. And I facebooked still, but not as much.  When you spend a lot of time alone... it's hard not to facebook.  It makes you feel like you are still a part of someone's life.  Or it makes you a part of someone's life that you never were a part of before. Isn't that amazing - how truly phenomenal and life-changing it all is??  It changed life.  The world.  If you're a deep thinker like me... it is, like, THE COOLEST thing to get lost in a world of deep and fascinating thought.  If you are not a deep thinker, then that is probably such a "weirdo" or "nerdy" thing to say but I'm pretty sure the last time I checked I love being a weird nerd, so it's all good.

So the reason I haven't been wearing my social media queen crown is that I have been lost in thought, in books, and in expressing myself on pen and paper, drawing doodles to illustrate all my various emotions, getting filled with the Spirit with daily devotionals that strengthen me every day, and reading my Bible because I'm starting to crave the time spent with Him.  I am no longer hiding from Him because lately, He has definitely been bringing the light.

I love how the Lord shines His light in so many different ways.  I am beginning to understand why I never saw the light when I was in my most difficult times where it was dark and hopeless.  When I was living the way I was - just completely empty of myself and an imitation of what I wished I really was - I was doing that because I was hiding.  I did not love myself and I found misery in every other relationship because of that one most important thing.  Especially my relationship with God.  When I got lost in a world sin, that was the center of my life whether I wanted to admit it or not.  I was a Christian, and always had been so I always said God was the center of my life by default.  But that was far from the truth.  I didn't read my Bible, go to church, be involved in Bible study, or even pray on a consistent basis.  Yet I never missed a party, a social event, or time with my friends - usually not spent praising God and spreading His word, I think you can probably sum up the kind of things we did if you have ever been to a place like Tuscaloosa on a weekend.  Oh do not let me mislead you, it is far from being a place that only gets rowdy on the weekends. The circumstances of my life led me to think hiding and not being honest with myself was better than just digging deep and getting back to that girl I used to be.  Then one day my relationship with God changed - it was reconciled and His mercy allowed me to find Baily. 

This week I took some time to myself to think deeply about so many things.  In the past couple of weeks there have been little things here and there that have happened and left me reminded of when there was a simpler time in life.  Yep - there was even a time when my life was much simpler!  It hasn't always been so whacko.

Still, just as many things have happened that bring out my gratitude for what the techno era has changed in my life. There is a creativity and confidence that comes from being a blogger that I never had experienced before.  There are friendships and interpersonal relationships that would otherwise not exist. This week I realized that it is just like everything in life - there is a need to balance. This balancing act has always been a struggle of mine. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful, but too much of anything has a potential to be destructive. 

I think my devotion to my online communities was destructing my relationship with God.  Still though, it wasn't the actual internet and Blogger doman and Facebook and Twitter sites that were bad for me.  It was my decision making on how much time I chose to spend on social networking.  It was a product of a poor choice, not the activity itself.  There are activities and hobbies that I used to do that I have given up completely... that is because it was in itself a bad thing and I took part in it.  Blogging and tweeting and facebooking aren't bad things... but letting them be a part of my daily grind while not letting my quiet time with God be a part of it is wrong and destructive to my life.  Lately, I have gotten back to the basics of things - which meant simpler things and less 'tech-y.'

Books, art, nature.  I also devoted time to my Bible study and journaled my testimony and the things I saw changing in my life.  I realized that my journal entries started changing from a tale of broken dreams into a storybook of all the places I was beginning to see God that I had never seen Him before.  The more time I spent reading and being outside, the more I saw God in everyday life.  I was seeing art differently than ever - I was wooed by photo essays, paintings, and poems this past week and I realized that the world is such a beautiful place but it is sin that we have tolerated and allowed to become the "social norm" and it has forever scarred our planet, violated our child-like wonder, and politicized God's commands. 

I am the most guilty of sinners.  I am no Saint and I have never declared to be.  Yet, I did not declare myself a sinner either.  That is called "pride" and I use to have a loooooot of it.  Some might think that I still do, but it is a pride that comes from knowing God thinks I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  It does not come from thinking I am too good for failure.  No one is too good for hitting rock bottom.  The only perfect person that ever walked this planet was the Lord.  Therefore, none of us can be perfect but we can follow Him and be perfectly fine.  Our needs perfectly satisfied and our work on earth rewarded one day in Heaven. Instead, I have often found my desires more important to be satisfied instead of my needs and the source of that is not the good Lord... worldly desires come from the sin that is manifested in us.  However, there is one desire that is not a trick of the Devil.  If our desire is the Lord, then we can know that it does not come from sin and worldly things.  For He has showed me this over and over again during my deep thinking week.

Sometimes you have to slow down and detach the things that aren't of God in order to truly see Him at work in your life.  It was an awe-inspiring visit back to a simpler time when I craved books, journals, and trail-walking with my dog.  The nature that God made, the book He left us to guide our life, and the ability to feel and be creative in expressing those feelings.  There is something healing about writing a letter and not an email, walking a trail and not a treadmill, reading a book and not a blog, and catching up with a friend you haven't seen in years but doing it in person and not on FB!

So that is where I have been... and I am working on my balance as far as my hobbies, priorities, and free time goes!  It is always good to slow down and realize that even though we can get everything we need via internet these days... sometimes it feels better to do it the old, traditional, and less convenient way.  Especially if you are looking for God's direction in your life and want to see Him in your life... there is no better way than to look up from the computer screen and ask Him to show you... explore your environment - your surroundings and your community of friends and family - there are reasons you are where you are and doing what you are doing and going through whatever it is you are going through.  If you struggle to find reasons for the way things are in your life, find deep thought in something simple that God blessed you with. I bet you'll find more than just one!

Peace & Love
Baily 

What do you need to balance more?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Summer Solstice!

For some reason, my metabolism is a rockstar and I get to eat yummies like this and barely gain any weight.  Since last night was Bachelorette night, I indulged in an iced coffee & donuts from DD... I have no idea why I don't weigh 200 pounds!


Then we hung out on the couch and watched our guilty pleasure of a show...



It was a wonderful Monday night full of sweets and sweet puppy faces!

Happy Summer Solstice!
Get out under the sun and get some natural Vitamin D :)


peace and love
bai

Monday, June 20, 2011

i'm an acoustic ballerina

what a music-filled monday :) 



Enjoy this Van Morrison cover by Warren Haynes. Van Morrison's lyrics are so special to me :) I am a VM girl, indeed!


I got my new glasses today and I can see finally!!



And I got the Western-inspired fedora I've been eyeing lately...
a little retail therapy on a Monday never hurt anyone...

peace and love
baily

Monday, June 13, 2011

(mm)

Miscellany Monday
Miscellany Monday @ lowercase letters
{one}

Last night the Orlando Food Truck Bazaar came to my little town of Oviedo.  I went with my parents, who had never been to a Food Truck meetup before, and we had a good time eating and experiencing something new for a Sunday night.  I'm really glad that Orlando has really taken to this groovy trend!





We went for the Mama's Fixin's truck for a Southern-style Sunday supper! It was super delicious... and probably the best collard greens I've ever had. 

{two}

I have been without glasses since the fire took them last April.  I know, stupid me - it should have been one of the first things I replaced.  I have a horrible astigmatism and the year without any eye aid turned it even worse.  The doctor was concerned about my left eye... which is the one that has been bothering me non-stop.  Makes sense! Ha. Well, I ordered new RX eye-glasses as well as RX sunglasses. And we all know me... I'm all RAYBAN!
This picture will have to do for now because I don't actually have them yet.   

I got my prescription sunglasses though...
enter: problem!


Now that I've rocked the sunglasses with the prescription, I can not see a damn thing when I take them off to go inside or when it gets dark.  Yay for that.  Needless to say, my parents have called me Ray Charles & Stevie Wonder all weekend because I totally wore them inside.  Good thing we never left the oasis at the resort so I never looked like a moron in public.
I watched the movie '127 Hours' with these on.  Just think of them as hip 3D viewing glasses... and pretend the tv was 3D.  ;)

{three}

I was reunited with the babygirl this morning. She & Jackson & Lola stayed at the kennel while we were gone this weekend. I do believe she is unaware that she isn't human. 
Please excuse her unmodesty!!

I cannot get over how funny her personality is -- everyone that meets her loves her. It makes me so happy that I have done a good job raising her. On June 18th it will mark the 2-year anniversary of me getting her! She means so much to me because she has kept me going through the darkest and toughest 2 years of my life.


{four}

Mom and I started attending the First Orlando Women's Ministry Bible Study last Wednesday night.  We meet every Wednesday to discuss the lessons, have fellowship with other Godly women, and experience God's unfailing grace.  I am IN LOVE with this study!
It was originally created for college students/young adults with the intent to help them find God and go in the direction of Him.  It gives hope through scripture and the scripture gives hope for the abundant life we live if we trust the Lord to be in control.  It is PERFECT for me!  I am already getting so much out of it!
If you are seeking your path in life and feel lost, overwhelmed, or like your mistakes and failures will always hold you back... I encourage you to do this study!  All of those disappointments were instruments of the hand of God and it all works towards the greater good of us who trust Him.  You will feel free of some pretty heavy chains!

{five}

My favorite color always inspires me...
What is your favorite color?






I am such a turquoise junkie!

{six}

Since I am not doing much at Visions Electronics lately, I have taken to pet-sitting! Haha. A lot of my mom's friends are traveling with their kids for summer break & since I am such a dog lover - I get to play with even more precious pups!
How 'bout this cutie pie?

His name is "Tank"
... it is fitting, huh?!?
He's so sweet :)


Hope you enjoyed Miscellany Monday!
 I have not linked up for it in a while but it is always fun & random... which is how I like to keep things usually! Head over to 'lowercase letters' and join the party!


peace&love
baily*  




Sunday, June 12, 2011

Weekend Getaway... sort of.

My little vacation-across-town was so relaxing, much needed, and a wonderful treat!  It was really fun just lounging around this Five-Star hotel.  I am a very fortunate little girl to be able to go on little get-aways like I do.  There is a downside to having a Dad who travels alot, but there are also upsides.  Some of the luxurious places I have visited would not have happened without such a hard-working father.  Since it was a conference he was attending - I was able to meet some of his colleagues and we had a wonderful time.  Plus, I got a super good tan going after 3 days of sunshine, mojitos, and cooling dips in the pool. 

Here are some pictures that I snapped to record this fun weekend:




Daddy and I are twinkies!

Always stay hydrated when the heat index is above boiling!
Hot is an understatement.

It is definitely the "Florida-version" of the original & iconic Waldorf Astoria.
I have never actually stayed at the NYC Waldorf, but it is so famous and always a stop to look around (and celebrity spy) when we visit the Big Apple.  This is the first W.A. to be built since the Manhattan landmark hotel was built.  There is one in Park City, Utah & Berlin, Germany as well.


Hope everyone had a beautiful weekend filled with good-times, sunshine, and lots of LOVE.

I almost forgot - this is pretty neat!!
This morning we received a message in the sky that was a perfect reminder for us who were skippin' out on worship this morning.  I loved it!


Remember that as you start your new week... trust in Him and He will do great things for you!

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Trust him - He already has it all worked out for you! :)


peace
&
love
BAILY

Friday, June 10, 2011

I'll be at the Waldorf

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
 
I hope it is filled with lots of peace & love.
 
I am going on a local-vacay this weekend with my parents.  Dad has to work a training meeting at a resort near Disney World, so my mom and I have decided to tag along and make use of the swanky swimming pool. 
 
It is absolutely crucial to be by water that you can dip in if you want to enjoy any of the famous sun from our Sunshine State.  It is just too humid-hot to possibly stay hydrated -you sweat all of the hydration out our body before it even has a chance to do it's job.  And of course, because the sun's rays are so strong down here in the sub-tropics!  Our Home Owner's Association requires that we have a UV-protectant screen around our pool.  This not only helpes with the sun, but it is moreso for the interesting critters that need a nice cool dip in a pool once in a while, too!  Point is: my family worships the sun and we think the screen was placed there by the devil - ha!  Nah, we do have love for that pool-screen when it gets to snake hatchin' time of the year and alligator mating season.  As far as our tanning and recreaton purposes... not so much.
We believe in the natural healing of Vitamin D and we enjoy having perma-tans!
 
We are Florida people!
 
We are looking forward to lounging like tourists in our own metro-city while we bronze ourselves to happiness.  However, it won't be too long after we get there that we realize why we never go to the tourist district - it is practically a foreign country & locals are definitely the minority. It might as well have a currency exchange rate because everything seems to double in price on that end of town (but not quality).  Still, it is fun to get out of the house, pack an overnight bag, and escape to a little resort-style oasis for the weekend. 
The entertainment in Orlando is endless, but most of it is been-there done-that type stuff.  I mean, we've lived here for 19 years. The best entertainment for us is PEOPLE WATCHING.  When it comes to gawking at people, I think it is safe to say that locals just about anywhere all enjoy watching & making light of goofy tourist who don't have a clue what they are doing.
 
I'm excited about our getaway to the other side of Orlando. How fun!
Isn't this place beautiful?!?
 
 
I don't get to see the resorts in the way that tourists do, so I am particularly excited about seeing what we have to offer for the tourists that support our economy year after year.  We might make a little fun of out-of-towner's... but we would live a completely different lifestyle, as a city, if it weren't for the enourmous tourism industry we have. 
 
I will be sure to take lots of pictures and record my observations as an Orlando, FL tourist rather than resident.
 
Have a great one!
 
peace&love
bai
 
 
 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

my hippie dog


Meet my best friend Millie Jean.

She's been in my life for 2 years & I couldn't ask for a better companion!
We get told that we are a lot alike - personality wise.

If she were any more like me then she might look like this...

Hahaha. Isn't that the best?!



peace&love
bai

I'm Home


I'm going through one of those transitional phases again. 

The road started getting bumpy again so I shifted gears.  But now - I am enjoying a much smoother ride.  I have made some changes in my self, in my lifestyle, and in the company I keep.  To say the least, the more positive environment and social circle I have planted myself in is definitely reaping the positive rewards. 

I am not saying that my "smooth ride" is anything like the movie scenes where I'm driving off into a sunset in my Thunderbird and RayBans with the western winds blowing through my hair...

This little free-bird isn't flying that high yet -- but that's not to say I won't be rockin' and rollin' here soon!

Like I said... this is another one of my times of transition.  I never leave a phase of changing without being transformed, renewed, and spiritually uplifted. 

I know times of upheaval to be truly refining.
I know struggle to be one of the roads to success.
I know change as a revolution.

Pray for me as I begin a new phase in my life.  I am getting involved and taking the next step toward membership to First Baptist Orlando.  I have met some wonderful people and put my trust in an amazing counselor at the church who is going to help me get involved, find the 'Baily' that I know is still in there, and get me on the right-track to finishing my degree, starting my career, and chasing down the things that will complete me.  I took a step in the direction that God revealed to me through diligent prayer, and it has already brought such comfort, peace, and joy. 

The Lord put loving people in my life to remind me of the love He has for me.  He sent me an advisor and mentor that I look up to that believes in me, prays over me, and wants to help me in achieving the dreams I have for my future.  Peers that just met me have sent their love and compassion and remind me that I am young and have lots of time to get back on the solid ground that I want and need to be on. 

Prayers have been answered lately and I am experiencing the remarkable peace that comes from that!

Thank you to those that have prayed for me during my hard times.  Especially to those that have prayed for me to find a church home.  I didn't share the hurt and pain that came from leaving my childhood church-home last year, but the ones that I did share it with were reverent in their prayer and support.  They helped me "church shop", they ushered me into their own churches when I felt betrayed by my own, and they accompanied me to events, social functions, and sermons that they may not have gone to if they did not care & want to help me find the "fit" that I have desperately needed.  These friends who have supported me in this way knew how bad I was hurt by my home-church's lack of care and concern for what I had gone through last year. 

Now, knowing and seeing what my former church does for many others - I know that they are a group of good people and a service organization that does wonderful and magnificent things in all parts of the world, but that's just it.  Sometimes being that way can get a little corporate & business-like and the personal and individual tribulations of the members seem to be forgotten, avoided, and unattended to. I was moreso in emotional pain not because they didn't open their arms and do the things for me that, say - First Baptist Trussville did (my Sis' church), but I was harmed (and indefinitely scarred) by the slamming of the door and turning of their backs. It hurt, because for so long I spent every Sunday, Wednesday, and any other day the church door was opened at that small-town Baptist church!  The same home-church I watched on TV from my little college bedroom in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  Yeah... the little college bedroom off Paul Bryant Drive that burnt down in a matter of 5 minutes and took everything that reminded me of "Baily" last April and I never heard a peep from my pastors, mentors, and well - a lot of friends I grew up closely with in my time there.  I'm sorry, but I really did expect my church of 13 years to comfort me and be "the caring place" that they claim to be.  But it didn't happen and it only got worse for me.

So thank you, Dr. David Uth, for leading such a wonderful church family at First Baptist Orlando.  Thank you for hugging my neck without even knowing me and then finding me after the service to talk with me and learn more about me: my fire, the Tuscaloosa tornadoes, my need for a church home, my depression/anxiety, my family and my favorite Bible passage.  I had a conversation with the leader of the largest church in Central Florida and he genuinely cared about ME.  He invited me to hang out, get to know him, and stop by one day when I'm in the counseling department and say hello & have a cup of coffee!  I was astounded... I grew up with my former pastor's children and he would look in my direction and look down at the ground as he passed me in the church atrium.  It is like night and day and I am happier than ever when I walk through the doors of First Orlando.  I am excited about going to church again!  I don't care that it's a 25 minute drive and not a mile and half, 3 minute drive.  I don't care that there are a gazillion redlights and a handful of toll-booths between Dr. David Uth & First Orlando and I, and that there was only 2 small-town traffic lights between First Baptist Oviedo and I.  The distance is vice-versa when it comes to friendship, compassion, and mutual respect for one another. 

I am sort of sorry for saying this so bluntly, but to be honest - I'm really not.  I feel the message on their end was a little blunt, as well.  I expected concern out of my former church family when I hit rock-bottom... I didn't expect looks of discernment and gossip behind my back.  I did not expect these people we thought were so wonderful to turn their backs on my parents after all we had shared together.  But it happened and you can't always understand why God works so darn mysteriously - but He does.  Every season of change is a revolution, a transformation, and a time of growth.  There's a time to hold on and a time to let go.  I am glad we let God guide us during this season of up's and down's. 

I am glad that I am in the process of becoming an active member at First Baptist Church of Orlando. Pastor David Uth said it best to me at church on Sunday during our chat... 

"Welcome Home, Baily."


Hearing that, especially from the church's leader, felt so good.
It felt like I was at home.

peace&love
baily 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

peace.love.cupcakes. -michabellas

Saturday night I hung out with my girl Michelle and had the pleasure of experiencing the goodness of her cupcakery from behind the scenes!

It's one of the perks of being real-life friends with a cupcake diva!

We had so much fun!





We made 'the Jones family favorite' - Choco-Coco, so she sent me home with a dozen tastes of heaven! 


We are a big chocolate & coconut fam! mmm!

Here's my Sunday breakfast I had this morning...

nom. nom. nom.

Be sure to check out Michabella's Cupcakery!

peace&love
baily

celebrate f r i e n d s

" Champagne for my real friends,

 real pain for my sham friends! "

Thanks to my soul-sister, Shore, for sharing this on her FB.
I  told her I was stealing it, so that makes it okay I hope - right?

She's taken some of my infamous & non-stop quotes I put up on FB.
It's sorta my thang.
And I love when people hate on it/make fun of me for my "out of control" Baily quotes of the day...
and I just laugh at them.

And then I think of this quote from the awesome movie "Garden State" that I love to use so much when I get some sour-puss or negative Nancy on my hands.  The sham's that try to take the qualities & lifstyle that are unique & different about me than them and they try to make it mean that what I do is wrong or 'uncool' or to mean something that it's not --- just because they don't understand it or see any beauty in it. 
So here's what I say to them:

"Don't tease me about my hobbies, I don't tease you for being an a-hole."

Boom.

Love you real friends!
Thanks for the unwavering support.
Thanks for not walking out.
Thanks for forgiving me & realizing no one is perfect.
Thank you for showering me with love when others found me unworthy.
Thanks for being there when fond friends turned their backs.
Thank you for helping me realize I need a man's love... not a boy's lust. 

baily
peace& love


Saturday, June 4, 2011

New Coin Jar


Don't you love my new coin canister?

I got it at Francesca's Collections the other day when I was out shopping. 
I couldn't not get something this perfect. 

I mean, c'mon...
-match sticks
-a girl with a shit-eating grin
-a flame
-the text i'm saving up for some therapy & change is good

It was too perfect for me! Plus I really did need a new piggy-bank or coin collector. 
Truuuust.... this broke girl pays for all sorts of stuff with some quarters and change, let me tell ya!

Thought I'd share it with ya... since it's so darn cute!

p&l
bjj