I'm Home

I'm going through one of those transitional phases again. 

The road started getting bumpy again so I shifted gears.  But now - I am enjoying a much smoother ride.  I have made some changes in my self, in my lifestyle, and in the company I keep.  To say the least, the more positive environment and social circle I have planted myself in is definitely reaping the positive rewards. 

I am not saying that my "smooth ride" is anything like the movie scenes where I'm driving off into a sunset in my Thunderbird and RayBans with the western winds blowing through my hair...

This little free-bird isn't flying that high yet -- but that's not to say I won't be rockin' and rollin' here soon!

Like I said... this is another one of my times of transition.  I never leave a phase of changing without being transformed, renewed, and spiritually uplifted. 

I know times of upheaval to be truly refining.
I know struggle to be one of the roads to success.
I know change as a revolution.

Pray for me as I begin a new phase in my life.  I am getting involved and taking the next step toward membership to First Baptist Orlando.  I have met some wonderful people and put my trust in an amazing counselor at the church who is going to help me get involved, find the 'Baily' that I know is still in there, and get me on the right-track to finishing my degree, starting my career, and chasing down the things that will complete me.  I took a step in the direction that God revealed to me through diligent prayer, and it has already brought such comfort, peace, and joy. 

The Lord put loving people in my life to remind me of the love He has for me.  He sent me an advisor and mentor that I look up to that believes in me, prays over me, and wants to help me in achieving the dreams I have for my future.  Peers that just met me have sent their love and compassion and remind me that I am young and have lots of time to get back on the solid ground that I want and need to be on. 

Prayers have been answered lately and I am experiencing the remarkable peace that comes from that!

Thank you to those that have prayed for me during my hard times.  Especially to those that have prayed for me to find a church home.  I didn't share the hurt and pain that came from leaving my childhood church-home last year, but the ones that I did share it with were reverent in their prayer and support.  They helped me "church shop", they ushered me into their own churches when I felt betrayed by my own, and they accompanied me to events, social functions, and sermons that they may not have gone to if they did not care & want to help me find the "fit" that I have desperately needed.  These friends who have supported me in this way knew how bad I was hurt by my home-church's lack of care and concern for what I had gone through last year. 

Now, knowing and seeing what my former church does for many others - I know that they are a group of good people and a service organization that does wonderful and magnificent things in all parts of the world, but that's just it.  Sometimes being that way can get a little corporate & business-like and the personal and individual tribulations of the members seem to be forgotten, avoided, and unattended to. I was moreso in emotional pain not because they didn't open their arms and do the things for me that, say - First Baptist Trussville did (my Sis' church), but I was harmed (and indefinitely scarred) by the slamming of the door and turning of their backs. It hurt, because for so long I spent every Sunday, Wednesday, and any other day the church door was opened at that small-town Baptist church!  The same home-church I watched on TV from my little college bedroom in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  Yeah... the little college bedroom off Paul Bryant Drive that burnt down in a matter of 5 minutes and took everything that reminded me of "Baily" last April and I never heard a peep from my pastors, mentors, and well - a lot of friends I grew up closely with in my time there.  I'm sorry, but I really did expect my church of 13 years to comfort me and be "the caring place" that they claim to be.  But it didn't happen and it only got worse for me.

So thank you, Dr. David Uth, for leading such a wonderful church family at First Baptist Orlando.  Thank you for hugging my neck without even knowing me and then finding me after the service to talk with me and learn more about me: my fire, the Tuscaloosa tornadoes, my need for a church home, my depression/anxiety, my family and my favorite Bible passage.  I had a conversation with the leader of the largest church in Central Florida and he genuinely cared about ME.  He invited me to hang out, get to know him, and stop by one day when I'm in the counseling department and say hello & have a cup of coffee!  I was astounded... I grew up with my former pastor's children and he would look in my direction and look down at the ground as he passed me in the church atrium.  It is like night and day and I am happier than ever when I walk through the doors of First Orlando.  I am excited about going to church again!  I don't care that it's a 25 minute drive and not a mile and half, 3 minute drive.  I don't care that there are a gazillion redlights and a handful of toll-booths between Dr. David Uth & First Orlando and I, and that there was only 2 small-town traffic lights between First Baptist Oviedo and I.  The distance is vice-versa when it comes to friendship, compassion, and mutual respect for one another. 

I am sort of sorry for saying this so bluntly, but to be honest - I'm really not.  I feel the message on their end was a little blunt, as well.  I expected concern out of my former church family when I hit rock-bottom... I didn't expect looks of discernment and gossip behind my back.  I did not expect these people we thought were so wonderful to turn their backs on my parents after all we had shared together.  But it happened and you can't always understand why God works so darn mysteriously - but He does.  Every season of change is a revolution, a transformation, and a time of growth.  There's a time to hold on and a time to let go.  I am glad we let God guide us during this season of up's and down's. 

I am glad that I am in the process of becoming an active member at First Baptist Church of Orlando. Pastor David Uth said it best to me at church on Sunday during our chat... 

"Welcome Home, Baily."

Hearing that, especially from the church's leader, felt so good.

It felt like I was at home.

peace&love

baily 

Church Shopping!!

This morning my parents and I visited First Baptist Orlando for the second weekend in a row.  We are in the process of looking for a new church home and we really love the Pastor, David Uth.  We keep finding ourselves reminding each other that each church is different - especially the music!!  Of course, I am the music-head of the family but we all know where our roots are no matter what genre we prefer nowadays.  Those roots are Southern Gospel and down home country.

So when the fancy, high-pitched voices start asingin' we have to start reminding! Haha.  Mom and Dad don't really like the fast-paced "rock 'n roll" services a.k.a. 'Contemporary Worship' and I don't really like the opera sounding stuff.  Our old church and the church we LOVE visiting with my sister and Tyler in Trussville have a perfect balance of the two - but we are finding that it is not always that way.

Nonetheless, the service was AWESOME.  It was titled 'When God Interrupts Your Life' and we learned about the Christmas story through the eyes of Joseph.  In real-world terms, when an angel tells your virgin fiance that she's carrying a baby who is God in the flesh, Joseph must have thought she was craaaazy.  I can only imagine that these days! Haha...

I really enjoyed the sermon, even though I was yawning and freezing the entire time.  I didn't get to finish my coffee this morning and Central Florida looked a lot like wintertime Alabama with the cold, grey, and rainy atmosphere that was provided this morning.  And apparently, the air conditioning in that place was set to the 4th of July, not Christmas.  SO COLD!

Tonight I am going to Status at Downtown Baptist Church with my good friend Savannah.  I just absolutely LOVE her and she has really reached out to me during my hard times.  It was definitely a 'God thing' to have run into her at the neighborhood grocery store last week.  I wasn't really in a high-spirited mood but running into her and being able to share my latest heartache with her was exactly what I needed.  And proving what a wonderful and Godly woman she is, she immediately text-messaged me and asked me to go with her to Status on Sunday nights.  I am so pumped - I definitely seek refuge in the Lord and the friends He has blessed me with.

I can't wait to share with you how much I enjoy Status!  This will be a great chance for some much-needed quality time with one of the best galfriends I've ever had!  (Thanks, Sav!)

Because of friends like her, and a family that wakes me up and goes with me to church, and a Lord that feeds me truth and wisdom - I can stand on my two feet with such a positive and healthy outlook on life.  And frankly, that's all I need!

peace and love

baily

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times.

inspiredroom

Who gets to determine where the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on the calendar, not a birthday, not a New Year. It is an event. Big or small. Something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits. Old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap area a few things really worth holding on to. -Meredith Grey

inspiration:

the one about how excited i am to go home

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am about this week.
On Thursday, I get to go H O M E !!!!!
On top of that, Chace gets to meet "the Oviedians."
I fly out on Thursday night from Birmingham and arrive in Orlando around 11pm. The reason I'm going home is for my very best friend's wedding weekend. (Think My Best Friend's Wedding with Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz, except I have no unspoken love for Justin Core. But we're buds, and I'm Julia Roberts). I wish...
Anyway, I arrive sorta late (and hopefully not too fatigued) and then I head to downtown Orlando to meet up with the 'party bus' and a bunch of bachelorette party-goers. I feel so honored that Megan wanted me to be a part of her bachelorette party! I hate that I am missing the lingerie shower part of the party, but as I like to quote, I had to do the best with what God gave me and God doesn't give out too many 'free ticket seats' on Orlando-bound Southwest Airlines flights this time of year. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry in America goes to Disney World during the month of June. I get it, "schools out" but my kids will be skipping school sometime in February or November to go to Orlando to walk around the Disney parks because momma ain't melting just because it's summer vacay. Anyway, I have to deal with being late because of school/flight scheduling. But it's all good... I'll arrive in good spirit and ready to celebrate the last lingering days of Megan's singlehood.
Then she marries my BFF!!! Woo hoo!!! Chace gets in at 6:30pm on Friday from his flight out of Atlanta. I'll already be downtown at a tappas lounge for the rehearsal dinner, so he'll just taxi on over to downtown O-town and meet up with me and my parents and dun! dun! dun! dun!..... "the Oviedians."
Oh but don't worry, he'll be fine. He eats this shit up. And if things go badly, there will be plenty of "Alabamians" there to pinch his cheeks and remind him of how perfectly Southern he is. (Justin is originally from Huntsville.)
I just hope he gets there in time to see my "toast" go down. I've got some skeletons I may pull out of the closet on Justin. JK! For real, just kidding. I hate "that person" at a wedding that just absolutely kills everyone's buzz from the toasts before because they had to put on a circus act and say obnoxious stuff about the bride and groom. Not cool, people.
Well, I'm just so excited I can't even stand it. I told Chace the other night that I am so ready for that moment when I open the front door of my house and the scent of "home" hits me like a freight train. It's the best feeling in the world, and there's only one place you can get it. Home, duh.
I need to start packing... it's right around the corner! I'll get my blog on more later, it's time for class and internship and errands! 

PeaceANDLove

Bjj 

oviedolove

I'm hardcore missing Oviedo right now.

I think it hit me today that my visits have become very few and far between this semester.

I'm really excited about going home for my best friends wedding, just wish I could make it down there soon for a relaxing weekend.

The one's where I get to ride to the beach in the Jeep with the top down.

Grill a steak with Daddy on the lanai on Sunday nights.

Meet a friend at The Black Hammock for some Coors Lights.

Watch  the chickens cross the road. (Literally)

Listen to the swamp music.

Smell the orangeblossoms and citrus blooms.

Don't mind me, I just saw the music video to ":08 Ride" by Luke Bryan and I saw my favorite little fish camp getaway. Where summer nights turn into summer mornings when I'm with the best friends in the world and sitting by an "airboat only" lake that is alligator haven. It's an Oviedo thing.

photos found @ Black Hammock Facebook page

Peace&Love

Bai

livin' the dream

Every little Southern girl has her dreams in life. I have a lot. I want a lot. But third to a loving husband and healthy family, I want a happy home. I have a dream home. I don't just read gossip magazines and music columns, I read Southern Living and Better Homes & Gardens, too! My mom sacrificed a lot so that I could grow up in a happy home. She taught me that a loving husband, like my dad, is important. Our family cherished the health we were given. And we always had a place, a happy place, that was home. So much love was grown in that four bedroom, Floridian home.

I want horses. I believe firmly in the therapeutic cause of ponies and horses. I want to provide a place where children with disabilities can experience the boundless joy that comes from riding a horse and connecting with another one of God's beautiful creations. I want a front porch where I can sip sweet tea with my girlfriends and pose for family portraits. I want nature to surround me and remind me that there's more to life than concrete jungles and big city lights and motivate me to help protect our earth. I want a yard that sets the stage for barefoot children to dance around with their popsicle smiles in the summertime. I want fireflies and the smell of citronella candles. Worn in leather that binds the family Bible. A reading room with grandmother's quilts. White linen on a clothes line, and a red wine reminder to not sweat the small stuff. A garden and a hammock. A husband and a wife, freckle-faced kids, and the slow drawl of a family prayer before bedtime. A home, where all that love is hand-made and crafted to perfection.

Someone once told me, the best dreams are the ones that, more often than not, come true.

Peace&Love&DreamsInLife

Bai

disney epiphany

I got an email from my roommate Elena yesterday, and it really got me thinking about something that my mind has never really toyed with before. She had proposed to me the idea of a few of us going to Orlando sometime in the next couple of weeks. As you all know, I LOVE my home with extra X's and O's. Of course I want to go down there soon, and after spending a month cooped up and alone at the Fairfield Inn, I think the more the merrier! I'm sure we'll arrange the details later... but right now I am smiling at the thoughts that are racing through my head.

E is one of those girls that I never got to be. Well, I guess I got to be like her when I lived in Asheville before we moved to Orlando when I was 5. These girls, like E, go to sleep and dream in brilliant cartoons. They marvel at Cinderella's castle, and they'd do anything to be spinning in a giant tea cup. Elena is a Disney obsessor. See, she has lived all over the nation. She comes from a military family and has never lived in any one place for more than 5 years. The fact that I not only have a solid "home-base" but an Orlando home, is fascinating to E. I think I am guilty of taking that for granted from time to time. The fact that fascinates me, on the other hand, is that so many people who I have come to know over the past few years weren't as fortunate as I was to grow up miles away from our favorite princess's enchanted castle. So maybe E takes it to the extreme when she goes out in public with me wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. But you know what? I'd probably do the same thing if I were like most of my college friends who didn't go to middle school and high school with girls that held Summer jobs being Jasmine, Sleeping Beauty, and Pochahontas. I told E that and her instant response was, "I'd make a damn good Pochahontas." Since she's half-Korean I joked with her that she'd have to be Mulan - everyone's favorite asian princess.

I could only imagine the look on Elena's face when she first stepped through the entry gates at The Magic Kingdom - when she was a 20 year old sophomore in college.  No matter what else was going on in the world that day, she would have had to be (by far) the happiest girl in the whole wide world. It's funny how every so often you can truly see the difference in lifestyle that sets me apart from most of my friends. A dream vaca for some, a field trip (or 10) for me. I'd love to lie and say I remember my first trip to Disney when I was a terrible adorable toddler, but I can't recall all that much. I'm just glad I got to experience the first-time magic of it all as a tourist.

As much as I love the Orlando area, (especially little/big Oviedo) I do have to admit that the glitz and glam are quickly stripped from the idea of Disney World when you're a local. My driveway is a good 40 minutes to Disney World, with the help of a toll road expressway. Ha - even the toll road issue is another thing that clearly shows whether you are a local or a tourist. They bitch about having to pay to use the roads, we dig the fact that there's no state income tax. What tickles me the most though, is that the tourist population has a conniption fit over a $0.50 fare to truck along the expressway but they gladly drop $300 at the gift shop on a "Goofy" hat with dog ears, a princess tiara with mouse ears and a red polka-dotted bow, and matching Disney logo t-shirts for all 16 family members. Don't forget the fanny pack and rain ponchos. $325.

So even though being an "Orlando girl" takes a little bit more of Tinker Bell's pixie dust to get in the Disney spirit, I am humbled by how fortunate I was. Because there are girls, girls like E, who aren't neighbors to the Disney family and never copied The Little Mermaid's math homework before the bell rang for school.

But if we're lucky, we meet a girl like E. And even though it's fun to tease her for her Mickey Mouse shirts and her 92 Disney VHS tapes (yes VHS, not DVD) it's also important that us "Orlando girls" not take our life for granted. We could have lived somewhere really lame, or never have gotten to experience the mouth-watering glory that comes in the shape of the ever-so-famous Disney turkey leg. Our tourist industry would be all of, what, GatorLand? Our list of concerts we've been to would be cut in half because the tourist industry brought Hard Rock Live to our city, we'd probably never bar-hop around Disney's Pleasure Island, and there's no telling what our prom committee would come up with when choosing a place for the big dance if it weren't for the plethora of 5-star resorts that popped up all over the place and are in large part due to ole Walt and his fantasia-genius.

Home, vacation, fantasy world, tourist-haven... whatever it might be, it won't be taken for granted.

Peace&Love

Baily

the one about home being where the heart is

You know how we grow up under the impression that "home is where the heart is?"  Well, I always thought it meant that home is actually where our heart is.  Like, the day I decided I was going to go to Tuscaloosa for school, I thought that Alabama would, in fact, become my home.  Temporary, permanent, that part didn't matter at the time.  I was leaving little old Oviedo and broadening my horizons, spreading my wings, chasing my dreams... you know, what all my Hallmark Graduation cards said I was doing.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to leave those roots, that Floridianized southern upbringing, and all those wild and crazy friends... but, I knew that in my heart I was Dixie bound. 

To be honest, my idea of "home is where the heart is" was completely wrong.  This jaded little heart of mine might have a certain love for this university and the Crimson Tide and those that I met during my journey here.  But, my real love is a home grown town that raises good-hearted people along with it's groves of oranges and stalks of celery.  See, my heart might not hold dreams of returning to that little town like it holds my dreams of places like Austin and Nashville and San Francisco, but it's not where my heart is that makes an ordinary place my home.  That's where I was wrong! It's the heart and soul of all the other people that make me proud to call that Florida town my home.

Maybe for some this isn't neccessarily the case.  But I know, for me, it's as true as the sun coming up each morning.  I've always known it, but let me just tell you why I decided to bring it up today.

I received some mail today.  One item was a box.  I opened it up to find a card from two of my best girlfriends from high school, Susan Abascal and Justine Positano. I barely got through a single sentence and on to the next one before big, raindrop tears poured down my face.  They praised me for being so strong, they blessed me with their thoughts and prayer, and they encouraged me to continue on.  It wasn't the card's printed words, it was their words, their honest to goodness words.  In the box was a blanket, monogrammed with a message saying "Home Is Where The Heart Is", a box of chocolates quoting my favorite movie - "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get", a journal like the ones I adored so much that went down in the flames that said "Live for Today, Learn from the Past, and Hope for Tomorrow", and inside was a collage of pictures from my beautiful group of girl friends and the words "cheers to new beginnings", and last but not least - a bag of dog biscuits for their other favorite fire victim, my little Millie girl.  The tears just poured.  How wonderful it felt to know that I had a support system hundreds of miles away.  I had a hometown crowd cheering on one of their hometown girls.  I instantly felt as if I had wrapped that blanket they sent around me, but it was just the warmth of knowing that I may have lost a lot, but I've never lost them.

The other item in the mail was a card from our friend Jennifer.  She considered my love for music and sent me a pack of gift cards to the iTunes store.  She wanted to help me rebuild my music, something that might seem childish of me to be upset about considering the masses of destruction the fire left, but only a true friend would understand this yearning of mine. True friend, she is. They all are; and I'm nothing less than incredibly blessed. I grew up down the road from Jennifer and went to school with her my whole life.  Our families were friends, we were friends, and we stuck by one another through some of life's hardest battles.  That group of girls gave me a support system when I battled the emotions that came with my dad's cancer diagnosis and treatment, they sent me off to college, and welcomed me back home with open arms when I would visit. I always had only the utmost respect for them because they not only loved me during the good times but they did even more during the bad times.  I don't think I can say that about my college friends with 100% honesty.  If anyone agrees with me about the steadfast support of my Oviedo friends, then it would be Jennifer.  She lost her dad to an unexpected heart-attack on Christmas morning this past year.  Mr. Burns was nothing short of an amazing father to her and her brother, but he was also a genuine friend to our group of friends.  On the day of her father's funeral, I stepped back and took in everything I saw, for what it was worth.  It was nothing I didn't expect, I knew how this group of girls united during times of triumph as well as tribulation, but to see it from a 22-year old's point of view was far more meaningful than what I remembered as a teenager.  These girls, each unique and beautiful in her own way, never fail to come together and be the kind of friends that most people spend their entire lives searching for.  Like searching for a soulmate, only God gave me a handful of soulmates and brought us all together in that place we like to simply call - home.  It's riveting.  To feel it now, during this personally difficult time, is even more fascinating and defeats all wonder. 

I know that the road we take doesn't always lead us home.  But "home", to me, isn't a place or a dot on a map.  It's the love from those that care the most.  The ones that pack a blanket for comfort, dog snacks for thoughtful humor, and journals with pictures to show that they're with me, whether they're hundreds of miles away or not, as I take on this new beginning.  They send $30 worth of iTunes so that I can enjoy a song of hope or play a song from all of those days in the past, when we were so young and carefree and always together. 

It's funny how an envelope or a box of goodies can be so therapeutic.  Those "things" aren't just "things."  I can't replace them with a State Farm Insurance check nor would they mean as much to me coming from someone or somewhere else.  They put their heart - their comfort, love, and support, into those packages and sent it to me.  And I got a piece of "home" today in the mail, and I know for a fact that home is where the heart is.

Peace&Love

Baily "Bear" (that one's for them)