In time's past, when I say I have to unload the thoughts and burdens that are bothersome, it has come out in an unorganized mess that is usually an honest depiction of the process in which most my thinking occurs. Anywho, I have a lot on my mind to say the least: some makes me happy, some makes me sad, and some have not been figured out entirely so I'm not exactly sure what sort of affect they will have on me.
For starters, school is going well. I have to admit that it is sometimes aggravating having to live in what is remnants of the fire and doing the things and sort of assignments I was doing before they were items to be added to my insurance claims check. But, Forrest Gump said it best... shit happens.
Speaking of FG, I watched that movie recently. Actually, I watched all 3 of my favorite movies this week. Almost Famous, Forrest Gump, and (500) Days of Summer. Wow. I couldn't tell you the last time I watched 3 DVDs in one week. I know I have, because I have always been a movie girl and my sister was the television show gal. But 3 in one week? That happened NEVER when my world was the twilight zone. Thank goodness for having that little luxury back in my life. And where I thought Mr. Clay was going to be my music-man, he's turned out to be a pretty groovy movie watcher, too. I have truly missed that for a while now, and it's good to have that back!
Something that has me flustered is that, to put it simply, Dancing With The Stars is absolutely awful this year. Please give me some lovelies to look at like Erin and Pamela if the dances are going to be just as sub-par to last season as the line-up is, but compared to Michael Bolton and The Situation, I would rather watch Jake Pavelka prancing around like a pansie again. Or, maybe not. I do like that Sarah Palin is in the stands and that Levi Johnston is banned from the audience. And even though I was like the very last person of people my age to jump aboard the Jersey Shore boat, and despite the grossed-out near-nausea affect that The Situ & his boys have on me, I'm with my Sissy - I am in love with Snooki. She cracks me up... and WHO cannot LoVe the fact that she called out our Pop-star Pres on the taxing of tanning beds. Maybe it's that or maybe it's when she goes into an all-out fit fest she reminds me I'm not the only crazy bia-bia about there. Ha, jk. Maybe.
Oh yeah, speaking of fancy-prance Jake, did I ever let y'all know that I switched to "Team Vienna" after the spectacle he made of himself when he showed us what a d-word he was? Yes, my ex-boyfriend in high school may or may not have had his transgressions with her... but we all can change... but none of us gals deserve to be treated like that. "Undermine me?" Sadly, the term was used with me. Saddest part, after Jake had already used it and it be viewed by said person accusing me of the underminement. (Is that a word?? I do not know.)
And lastly, what do you do when you can't find the words to say to somebody? There are two people that I don't know what to say. One, I want to say goodbye to and leave the friendship that he left behind, but I want to do it with a little bit more grace than he did. Maybe the reason there are no words is because he doesn't deserve another try and he doesn't deserve my friendship that fuels the need to say what I feel anyway. So maybe I will just stay silent about that. Still, I hope he never treats someone the way he has treated me. But at the same exact time, I hope he can be a lighthouse to another life and safely guide lost ships to shore. That's what he was for me. He listened to me but made me hear the music of my own uniquness and that's what gave me the bubbly life of Baily back and what has kept me dancing throughout even the saddest of songs. But I guess he doesn't neccessarily have to be amongst the ones dancing with me. 'Tis a shame, I would have been a good friend to him and he's chosen to not only have no desire for it, but has no desire to display any decency in listening to what I have to say or to know the new me. The one that had to roll with the punches and adapt to some major friggin' changes in life. Some HUGE ones. Like, Ms. Gump said 'You have to put the past behind you in order to move on' and she's never been more right in her life. Well, other than the other uber-brilliant lines she is quoted in that extra-uber-brilliant film. But of course I've changed, better yet - I've improved, and I think that my Faith is what has me to continue on praying for him and the absolutely unneeded dramatic situation, and above all, a life full of happiness - even though most people think I'm batshit crazy for still caring about him. I guess, once a Bobby McGee always a Bobby McGee. But like most songs, interpret it as you will
The other, just sort of leaves me speechless for all the POSITIVE reasons. Just the little things in life that are noticed and put into action without structured planning of so... the laughter that I would have NEVER known was missing until I realized I truly had it back... the ability to be oneself around someone unfamiliar yet more familiar and real than you can even describe, the affirmation that everything happens for a reason, and how pretty the glow of a candle can be after all, and the simplicity of knowing that fire can, in fact, be enjoyed when it's lighting the scene for reheated leftovers with someone special enough to WANT to know me, the REAL me. And what really leaves me speechless... I've never been so honest about myself with someone in my entire life. I surprise myself at the things I will tell him. But they are safe - those secrets are. And any signs of jadedness on my heart are not from him, but he respects them. I'll be able to put it in an understandable statement one day I reckon. 'Til then, I'll live my days with the appreciation for the people who not only want to build a friendship and relationship with me but they are willing to do it with a leap of faith. While others, they turn their back on a true intent to be friends with not only him but the people he values with love, including the obviously highly thought of girlfriend of his. I guess I was a part of a completely different friendship and I guess no matter what I do, or say, people will think of me the way THEY WANT TO think of me.
And then others, think of me as - to put it simply - worth it.
Oh yeah, to get you caught up to speed with other ramblings: I have a renewed zest for learning Spanish again, I am DYING to get my hands on a personal project and turn it into something that makes a BIG DIFFERENCE for a charitable organization that I am PASSIONATE about, and I can't wait to see my family and get THE MILLIE GIRL back tomorrow. . . yes, be prepared for a Momma who has missed 'The Pig' and who will ALSO be getting her digi-cam back and you know what happened last time, don't you? When Mildred and I were reunited post-fire, and the digi-cam was replaced the first go-round (before the Target idiot broke the brand new thing), I ended up taking boo-koos of pictures.
But it's not like she makes it hard to 'oOoH' and 'aAaAh' over, let's be for serious now...
peace and love
baily
and there's nothing wrong with the way that she moves;
or scarlet begonias or a touch of the blues
what a perf song chico
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