Announcement!!!

Guess what?!?

I'm going to be an "Aunt Baily" this year!!!

My beautiful sister, Ashley, is pregnant!!!

 She and her husband, Tyler, are expecting their first child in August!!!
(August 20th is the official due date)

Little Baby Little and I are going to share a birthday week!!!
(my birthday is August 27th!)

I had to keep it a secret for almost 5 weeks!!!  But I just can't keep it in anymore... I need to blab about it!!!  She's told family and friends, but she isn't the type to announce her entire life over FB (like I am) but she gave me permission to announce it to my wonderful blog readers!!!

She has been working on her own blog to record this wonderful journey in her life!!!  But, she's a little bit busier than I am these days - so blogging has to fit in between being an intensive care nurse in a level 1 trauma unit,  being a graduate student pursuing her nurse practitioner degree, living the life of a pregnant lady, being a dog-mom to two precious boxers, and -most importantly- being a loving wife to the coolest brother-in-law I could have ever asked for.

I designed her blog header for her and she loves it! (Thank God!) I know she is going to have SO MUCH to blog about so I think she'll get off to a great start...

...if you have a second, head over and say hello and meet my best friend and favorite person in the world - my Sissy!  It's just now getting started, her blog is, but it makes me all the more giddy and excited when I imagine how much love is going to be shared on that blog throughout this pregnancy and the childhood of my precious future niece or nephew... I can't wait!!!

click here to visit Sissy!

I can't wait to be Aunt Baily... er, Aunt Sissy!

that's what I am "called" by this niece and nephew that I already have...

Meet the future siblings, Maybelle & Beau

(I call them Sissy and Bobohead)

I am just SO delighted and SO thankful to the Lord for everything He blesses us with... I just can't wait to welcome this next generation of my amazing family into this world.  The news of having a niece or nephew already has me wanting to make the world a better place for them.  It has me praying that the Lord will be preparing my heart so that I can be a good example to this beautiful child that awaits its entrance into the world.  I'll be this baby's only aunt.  Tyler has a brother, and I am Ashley's only sister.  I am already asking God that he equip me with the things that make a great aunt - unconditional love, a warming spirit, the integrity to be an honest example, and the wisdom to be a positive messenger of God's amazing grace to this baby as it grows up. 

I can't wait to see what God and this baby are going to do in the lives of my family - we are all SO excited!!!

Of course, I'll keep you posted - and I just can't wait to turn 24 now because that means it is Little Baby Little time!!!

Please pray for a healthy pregnancy and a stress-free journey for the Little family!!!

peace and love

aunt sissy

sunshine state love

I love being a Florida girl.

I'm really not missing Alabama at all right now.

Well, except for the fact that one of my fav bands - American Aquarium is playing at a private party in Tuscaloosa... at GALLETES (yes, my old stompin' grounds) and the lead singer, BJ, sent me a special invite to come...

And then Gallete's owner Oliver "liked" my status that said I was almost in tears that I was missing this awesome show!

(I've been begging AA to go to Tuscaloosa since I saw them the first time in South Carolina)  But of course they go when I'm not there.  So maybe I'm missing Alabama for that reason only... but LOVE is what I've got for my Sunshine State!

 

Here's some gnarley inspiration... enjoy :)

DARK SIDE OF THE LENS from Astray Films on Vimeo.

peace and love

bai

p.s. do you think it's weird we drive on the beach???

well, in volusia county we do.

(new smyrna beach and daytona beach)

weekly recap

in one word or phrase:
all that i need now is in my soul

i'm dreaming of you:
no more aches & pains, holding baby Piper, and a love that is equally yoked in faith (my nana's best friend reminded me that I deserve that most!)

songs on repeat:
shinedown's tribute to lynyrd skynyrd's SIMPLE MAN
click here - you HAVE to see it....

and ben harper's "diamonds on the inside" which is pretty personally moving to me...  


gotta write it down:

"if i didn't define myself for myself, i would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." -audra lorde
i couldn't agree more with this right now. 

"everybody has difficult years, but a lot of times the difficult years end up being the greatest years of your entire life." -brittany murphy
rip. i seriously miss her. she was an actress i always felt connected to, personality-wise.  and for the record, i think of that as a good thing (in case there are any murph-haters out there!)

lesson learned:
God has someone AMAZING for me, He is just preparing our hearts for one another! :)

picture to frame:
my alma mater OVIEDO HIGH SCHOOL won the 6a state championship for girls soccer.  and if you know me - you know my heart belongs to that lady lion soccer program.  my sister was a 4-year varsity letterman and i was a 3-year varsity letterman in soccer.  i was proud to represent 'the jonesies' and see the program win it's first ever state title and become one of the state's most elite programs!! congrats girls and a special congratulations to COACH WAISANEN!!!

highlights of the week:
sun bathing in ft. lauderdale. cracking up at snooki on jersey shore last night. my dvr'ed collection of ELLEN. catching up on blogs!!!

weekend to do list:
birthday celebrations. catching up on blogs!!! haha. church. cleaning. organizing. and PLANNING! and if you know me, i ain't much of a planner! i'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl that believes in this quote hanging on my wall:

But I do get to plan some fun stuff like...a reunion with Elena, Taylor, Jackie, Brett, Whitney, McGoo, and other BAMA friends on the beauitful Gulf coast with some pretty groooovy artists in the lineup at the Hangout Music Fest!!!

check it out: hangoutmusicfest.com

"Music doesn't lie.
If there is something to be changed in this world,
then it can only happen through music."
-Jimi Hendrix

peace and love

baily

weekly recap inspired by
letters from coco

Went to the beach, got the flu...

 I went to Ft. Lauderdale and had a wonderful time in the sunshine... reading gossip magazines and sipping cold ones.

 And gawking at this beautiful scenery that just made me feel at home again...

 And I came home with a little bit of sun...

 But I also came home with some pretty mean and achey cold & flu symptoms.

I spent the entire night throwing up every bit of hydration my body had. 

And now I'm feeling weak, but slightly less miserable than I was feeling last night and this morning.  Mom and I were hoping to get another half-day of sun in, but I'd have to lay on my stomach (because ^apparently^ I got a little too much on my front-side already) and laying on my stomach in 80 degree weather was simply a no go with the dehydration I was facing.

So, this looks more like my morning...

This looks more like it. Mega-hydration mode on Gatorade. But, err, yea I definitely snuck in a Coca-Cola or two - I can't survive a normal day without the damn things, who thinks I'm going to make it through a day with the mean, green stomach bug without my Coca-Cola?

But there I am in the mizzzzzerable car ride home.  Ok, it wasn't that bad but my body was all sorts of high pain aches and cramps and just total uncomfort, in general.

But we're home... and I'm starting to feel a little bit better.

So I think it's a bubble-bath night & reading books & maybe some snug time with Millie.

I know I need to get caught up on my blog-friends posts but this computer screen ain't helping my headache tonight.  I promise I haven't lost any love for y'all... in fact, y'all have been the most supportive little darlin's in the world so thank you for that!!!

You all are the greatest!!!

I guess it's snug time with Millie... she just claimed her spot (and the remote!) while I was posting this blog. 

Oh yeah, the only good not bad thing about being sick is getting to stuff my face with these...

peace and love

baily

Hello World!

Hey old lover boys... 

y'all may not...

BUT.... 

I still love me!!!

Sorry I have been a super-sketch the past week, but at least I reminded you that I'd be absent and less active on updating and commenting because of my trip to SAVANNAH.  We had such a good time.  I will post about it this week - I am trying to get everything in order because I did a little a lot of retail therapy on my get-away and I want to show you all my funky goodies I got in quaint little Savannah-town!

Let me spread some love since it is February 14th and all...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! 

But for realists like me it is another day of the week.  And for me in particular, it has been a weird-mooded day, to say the least!!!  But look at my awesome present I got today!

Since today is all about love... I am VERY MUCH in LOVE!

I was supposed to head to SoFla (South Florida) this afternoon, but decided to wait and go tomorrow morning early.  Mom and I are getting away again with Dad and this time it's not a place known for it's marvelous oaks and sprawling historic district but for all things that are that special kind of chic - the trendy, colorful, tropical Ft. Lauderdale. 

I feel like get-aways to Ft. Lady are like my familie's favorite past-time.  It's another one of those hotel home away from home type places - just being in Ft. Lauderdale brings back memories from all the stages of growing up... so I'm excited to sit poolside with Mom and drink banana daiquries and enjoy the sunshine on the beach with a forecast that is in the mid-to-upper 70's!!!

I'll be sure to post while I am gone so I can get caught up on things!!!

have a groovy week

peace&love

baily 

depression

Battling depression has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  But you have to do it.  You can't not battle it, or it's game-over.  Depression requires you to swim like hell just to keep from drowning, not neccesarily in order to get anywhere.  Except you know you will, eventually, but it's what you learn while you're barely keeping your head above water that matters the most.  That's when it is just you and God and the open sea.  That's when terrors of the deep and stormy weather dance all around you but you just keep your head up and eyes focused on the one that will get you to shore.

Since I am being honest and completely open right now, it wouldn't be right for me to say that I haven't made this war on depression a little worse for me.  I am really good at making the wrong decision and I constantly mutter the words 'what the hell did I just get myself into?' under my breath.  No one held me hostage and told me to do the things that I was doing to harm my body, break my spirit, and detour my ambitions.  But, those things happened.  I drank alcohol more than I should have at times, I became way too dependant on my psychiatric medications, and I submitted myself into a world full of negative coping mechanisms and deceitful people. 

But I have experienced the highest of highs, as well.  I used this bewildering stage of my life to learn the real me.  Even though there were phases of sorrow and doubt, there have been moments of bliss and phases of happiness.  Each day I wake up with a thankfulness in my heart for the Lord's gift of another day, and I'm grateful for being able to experience love, family, and friendship.  I know that some people do not even get that and that breaks my heart.  To know that there are people out there who are really and truly as alone and lonely as I feel when the depression creeps in.  Because without the support that I know and have, I probably would've drowned a long time ago.  They threw out the life preservers when I needed them most and they took me to an even more exhilerating level of happiness when I would experience my "good phases." 

Now, I experience more balance.  More level-headed and not so heavy-minded and disarrayed in my thoughts.  I'm beginning to see a more promising future than the one that I have seen over the past couple of years.  I think that is because I am seeing it God's way and not my way and not some boyfriend's way.  I have sometimes taken 'the long way' around things by not focusing God and instead seeing some boy as my saving grace and that was not and never will be the case.  Lesson learned.

But still, it's a daily battle.  Easier than before, yes.  Does it feel like a different war for me now that it is being battled on the homefront? Yes.  But this is the type of war that you want be in your homeland... not ten hours away from the people you love and know would do anything for you, like I was in Alabama.  Like I've said before (and I just can't say it enough), coming home was the best thing that ever happened to me.  What better place to come heal the pain than the house that built me?  How could I have gotten any better inspiration elsewhere than in a home with a father who victoriously battled a very different life-threatening disease? 

I might not be totally happy with the way my life has played out, but I know how terribly different it could have gone.  How horribly wrong things could have been.  I know that I could have made better decisions, but at least I know that now.  Surely to goodness if anything is "better late than never" then TURNING LIFE AROUND is one of those things.  Right?

I think so at least.  That is why I learned to embrace it.  Sure, I am not proud that goals I planned to have already achieved are post-poned and I am not ecstatic over the fact that I don't have all that much to boast about.  I don't ask for pity because I hate it.  But I do ask for understanding.  It is painful to know that family and friends don't always understand the toll that depression takes on your body and the confusion it can cause in your heart and mind.  Trust me, I'm right there with them in not understanding how such a lover of life can have such a hard time loving life.  It's a terrifying feeling to wake up one day and not be the girl that you know you are... to have to ask yourself why you don't care, why you're numb, lazy, achey, and how you can't love the wonderful life you've been given - when for twenty-something years you've been this bubbly, chatterbox, creative-minded, athletic, spunky, ambitious girl. 

So many hours I spent in front of a mirror just waiting for my spirit to come back and fill the hollow body I was looking at and trying to decide if I loved the fact that I couldn't feel anything or if I hated it.  I'd wonder where my life was headed and then the thoughts would get so mumbled jumbled that I'd just find something to get my mind off of everything.  Now, I look in the mirror and I see my smile most mornings.  There's a glow on my skin and I don't know if it's from joy and recovery or if it's traces of my homecoming to Florida, but I think it is a little bit of both.  I don't find flaws on my body that give me an excuse to ignore healthy eating habits, but instead - I'm a twenty-something girl trying to gain a little muscle weight and that's not much to complain about.  I embrace my uniqueness in the clothes and accessories that I decorate myself with but I don't force a dishonest expression anymore.  What I mean by that is I don't doll myself up and pretend like everything is ok if it isn't, so when I'm having one of my "bad days" or I'm in a muti-day "funk" then you probably can guess it by my greasy hair, unmoisturized skin, and decade-old sweatpants.  It is what it is - so I embrace it.

Thanks for letting me get this off of my chest.  I am glad I have had this blog to be so "real" and so "me" with... this was my only outlet for a long time, until I came home to other resources, and this blog is my truest self-expression during a time in my life that has been one scary and fun rollercoaster.  Thanks for seeing me through the highs as well as the lows and for keeping me inspired.

peace and love

baily

tuesday smiles

Why this smile today?

Well, my always perfectly accessorized Momma brought me this pretty necklace home from work today.  The necklace is from The LOFT.

I love the coral & plum colors (two of my favorites that I like to rock) and the design is so rustic and hardware inspired but girly and soft with the satin-like fabrics intertwined.  I really love it!!!

Thanks, Mom!

You're the best!!!

GUESS WHAT!?!

I'm off to the wonderful city of

 SAVANNAH, GEORGIA

tomorrow for a little road-trip with Mom & Daddy...

I can't wait...

 I think a get-away is just what I need right now!

I will try to post/stay caught-up on all your lovely blogs while I'm away, but if I seem M.I.A. these next few days - that is why!

I will be away being simply Southern, charming, and graceful.

Because in a place like Savannah... how can you be anything BUT?

peace&love

baily

"Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

-Rumi

congrats, packers!

This is what I wore to watch the Super Bowl...

I didn't really care who won and since both teams sport this color, I figured I couldn't go wrong!!!

Congrats to the Green Bay fans out there!

Celebrate with safety!

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

I have no complaints regarding my weekend,

and I'm wishing the same for you!

peace&love

bailyjordan

things i need to say

"If you're lucky enough to be different

from everyone else, don't change." 

 -Taylor Swift

Since moving back home and having a clearer mind about things, I have learned so much more about myself.  I have been pedal to the metal in 'self-discovery mode' for two solid years now, but I wasn't getting anywhere - I was either running in place or driving in circles.  I wasn't telling the truth about myself and I was letting my fears control my life and my lifestyle.  I am a firm believer that it took the act of me moving home and humbling myself to the truth about me. 

The ugly truths about me. 

It sounds like it was devastating and an all-out personal tragedy, but to be honest, it was the most beautiful decision I have ever made.  Well, second most beautiful decision.  The day I handed my life over to Christ was the day I made the most beautiful.  But coming home was a 'right move' and it has lead to so many self-revelations and new learning experiences about who I am and

what I want to become.

Since coming home, I've been reassured of these simple truths about life.

There's no place like home.

I am loved.

Home is where the heart is.

There's always one place that'll call me one of their own.

Friends come and go but true friends never leave you.

Family matters most.

A Sunday sermon can change life around.

Progress happens one step at a time.

I am different.  Always have been; always will be.

The thing is, I love that I am different.  I love that on several first dates I've been told, "you're one of the most interesting girls I've ever met."  I love that people say I am one of a kind.  I am happy because I embrace it.  I am happy because I can laugh at my flaws and know that God thinks I am perfect.  I am full of joy because I am surrounded by friends who are happy that "Baily Jones" is back in town.  I keep a positive attitude about my situation because I know my family has faith in me and therefore it's easy to keep the faith in myself.  I am not sad, down, and out.  I feel no misery and I'm free of darkness and doubt.  I came home and faced the honesty that I had been running from, and my chains were lifted.

I am free.

I am me.

Free-bird.

Since coming home and experiencing this freedom that I found through the truth, I have been a different person.  I better person.  I've fallen in love with myself again.  I have confidance when I look in the mirror and I finally have the desire to show my bubbly nature and radiance now.  I think it is because I am finally in a place where people appreciate that radiance, they have a bond much stronger with the bubbly Baily than they did with the depressed & distant Baily. 

It took me coming home to where my roots are to find

some of the missing pieces of my life's puzzle. 

When I say I hit the pavement running in the direction of self-discovery, I mean I went searching high and low.  In the wrong groups of friends, in the right groups of friends.  In the wrong guys, and in more wrong guys.  In cities, social groups, and organizations.  In life passions, life dreams, and bucket lists.  I turned 21 years old and realized I hadn't really started living so I took it upon myself to find the life worth living.  It is just unfortunate for me that I chose to it at a time and place that weren't right and I was too young and stupid to realize the bigger problem. 

I was a child of the world and not a child of God

and that is never a good start for starting over. 

It's funny how God kept interrupting and tried to pull me back on His path, but I refused to until I had no choice.  I lost control and finally made a responsible decision and decided to humble myself and better myself rather than run from it or sweep it under the rug and go on lying to myself and everyone around me that I was ok and had control of everything in my life. 

Now, God has control and things are better than ever for me personally.

He brought me to a place that is nurturing me back to completeness.

He's blessed me with reunited friendships and the sense of familiarity that I was desperately longing for.  A place that accepts me for me and hated to see me so un-Baily like.  I find that such a comfort in a world where we seem to be manipulated and changed by the people around us during this self-searching phase of life.  The only changes these friends want to see in me are the self-improvement goals I've made for myself - and that is something that means a lot. 

I don't feel like I'm not worth it to anyone here.  People go out of their way to help me, to boost me up, and to hold me accountable.  I mean that they hold me accountable because I have found myself being a better friend to others, just by being around these wonderful folks.  When someone very special to me told me that I was beautiful last night, I believed him because I can trust these people.

Even after all the stabs in the back and the unfaithfulness and the verbal abuse I have suffered from guys in my past, I am able to love and have no fear because I am cared about and truly adored by them. 

It's a feeling and a peace of mind that words simply cannot explain.

Like this text message from a friend that made me happy.

The little things in life mean everything to me.

Sender:

"You are just Baily Jones...

what more is there to say. 

That is what it is."

If that doesn't make ya feel good, I don't know what does.

I'm aware that I'm a little different, my life story is full of beauty and tragedy, and I have an odd and quirky way about me... but it's who I am and I've always believed that if you don't love yourself then no one else will love you.  Well, I came home and found the parts of me that I had gone astray over the past few years, and I'm loving who I am becoming and I love, even more so, that I am admired for just being me.

So thank you to everyone who loves me for me.

Who didn't give up on me, try to change me,

or try to make me believe I am a bad person or not worth it.

The people who have stuck by me through the storm and are now standing in the sun with me. 

I love you more than I can justify with words.

"It's your gift to see the beauty and the horror in ordinary things. It doesn't make you crazy - just different. There's nothing wrong with being different."

-Cassandra Clare; City of Bones

peace and love

BE AS YOU ARE

baily

"You've got one life; live it. Follow your dreams, quit your job, drop out of school, tell your boyfriend that he is lousy, and walk out the door. This is your time. This is your life.

You know what? Dream as big as you want to,

it's the cheapest thing you'll ever do.

-Jared Leto