sunday love

I hope that everyone is having a fabulous Sunday full of peace and love - and if you are very fortunate, then I hope you are embracing the joy of being around the ones you love and/or fellowshipping with fellow believers and warm-hearted people.  That was the kind of Sunday that I had - family love, "How Great Thou Art," and a sermon that touched the soul - simply titled, HE IS HOLY. 

I really enjoy going to church with my Mom and Dad again - I was an inconsistent church-goer at school (which I wish wasn't the case but with the college life it semed pretty typical).  I was raised in a Southern Baptist church where I became a believer and baptized in 1999.  Before that, though, we had always called that place home.  When I left for college at the University of Alabama - after my 2005 high school graduation, that church had been my home for many years and was a safe harbor and a caring & safe place.  I know that the church still means well and I know that God works tremendously through the hands of its congregation, every single day, but over the past few years we fell distant to the things that big churches become.  Sometimes churches can be big and do amazing things, but sometimes churches can be on their way to being huge and hurt people along the way.  Everything is circumstantial, I believe, and I firmly believe that the reasons that my family and I are no longer members of the only church we have ever called "home" is circumstantial and individualistic.  Sure, it fell in a time when there was a gap and slipping church enrollment, but I know we wanted more than anything to do what God led us to do, and he led us searching for a new church home.  I have been visiting several different churches at night, but my morning service and worship time I want to be with my parents - it's one of the greatest things about being at home is going to church in my Sunday best with Momma and Daddy.  I pray every night that we find our current place of worhsip a nice fit and can soon call it home for good.
So many things have happened to me in the past year.  A lot of changes.  I lost life as I knew it - church, school, belongings to the fire, friends, relationships I put my heart and soul in, and A LOT OF PRIDE.  If I could only explain to you some of the ridiculous and life-challenging MESSES I got myself into then you'd be reading a damn near novel.  I won't go into the deets, but let's just put it in the words of one my main men: Bob Dylan.  "Chaos is a friend of mne."

Even though so many things have happened to me, I have realized a lot - especially during my few week blogging-hiatus where I just thunk and thunk and thunk ;)

For one, I consider myself majorly lucky to even be aware that all of this "stuff" has happened to me for a reason and that it wasn't just for shits and giggles and a bunch of April's Fool jokes being played on me - although April and I do have more of a hate/hate relationship with one another and she likes to screw me one good time during this month.  But, whatever she showers me with - I have learned to grow it in to a May flower.  Like for instance, a good friend of mine passed away on April 1 - about the same time I was hanging out with my good friend here in Orlando and in tears to him trying to explain my anxiety and constant worry during the month of April.  "Oh but bad things always happen in April for me - it's a curse," I'd say.  Even I knew that I was being slightly melodramatic (but remember, I cannot help who I am, ha) but wouldn't you know - I got a call that a buddy from Tuscaloosa who had just moved to Charleston to clean up his act, get his life together, move on from past mistakes and bad habits, was dead.  He relapsed.  And just like that, April took another friend from me. 

But I know that things, ALL THINGS, happen for a reason.  It's a hokie dokie saying that we brush off and say when the timing calls for it but it seriously all happens for a reason.  You stub your toe? Meant to happen.  Maybe it kept you from going on a jog that would have ended violently or traumatically?  You miss the school bus and when your Mom drops you off in the car-riders lane you learn that your bus was in a trauamtic accident.  Every little thing, if you think about it, happens for a solid reason.

I just think it's almost insane that God throws these details into our lives.  Like me not being in that fire, Millie not being locked up in that crate.  I crossed two lanes of traffic and hit a power pole, but no one was in the opposite lane - for a reason.  He crushed and shattered ever piece of my heart and it's been hell putting it back together - for a reason.  I have a really dark spot in my life's timeline, and I have really groovy colored spots on it too - because the darker spots make the colored ones even better.  How can you not love a God that spends so much time giving you a life of adventure, a riddle or rhyme or two to help you figure out the reasons He does things so mysteriously, but always in the end doing it for the sake of your good, His good, and His Gospel's good?  How can you not love that God?

I am just overcome with joy today because - I have to be honest, some Sunday's I get sad.  Some Sunday's I miss our old church.  I miss the friends, the people I grew up praying for and them praying for me, I miss my parent's little group of friends and how they always knew what was going on with me (and I hoped at least that they had compassion and understanding for me during my struggles) and I miss the church family belonging.  I really want to join First Baptist Orlando, but it is so overwhelming - the size of that church, sometimes.  I just have a calling - and I know it's a calling from God telling me that there IS a reason that my life has played out the way that it has - and I want to go serve in the mission field for a short time.  And First Baptist Orlando is the perfect place for service.  I would keep you here until Tuesday if I went into all the neat, Godly projects that is going on in that church.  I just love it.  And if you know me... then you can remember that "my word" is PASSION and I love when (so many) people tell me that I am a passionate person - I just loooove it because that is success to me, to be passionate - but anyways, the motto or mantra or whatever you wish to call it for the First Baptist Church of Orlando is PASSION FOR GOD.  It just screams.... "BAILY JORDAN JONES, THIS IS SO YOUR PLACE TO COME FIND YOUR PURPOSE!" 

I want to go on a short-term mission project, not sign my life away just yet.  But I have a zest for travel, a love for God, a yearning to learn more about the world, and a testimony and that I am SO not afraid to share.  I love the microphone!  I don't want to travel and see the world from one Hilton the next Marriott - I want to really see the world and give them something, I want to go over there and do it for Him, not me. I just have no desire, whatsoever, to go overseas to gawk and pretend to awe over arts and architecture that - no offense - I don't really give a damn for.  And I really don't want to go to London or Paris or anywhere and look at castles of Queens and Kings I know nothing about.  I want to go over to that part of the country and share the Gospel, serve under-developed children, bring creativity and the joy of arts and culture to their lives the way they bring it to our lives - I don't want to go play hoity toity Parisian... I want to get my hands dirty and prove that I may not have been ready to be a professional business-woman college graduate just yet, but I AM ready to serve, to share what I've learned throughout my own personal tragedies, and just love and dance and smiles and sing and give someone a hug. 

I know a lot of you don't know what it is like to be depressed - but I know that everyone suffers.  Whether you are like me and have an actual biological, chemical imbalance or not... there are times when you are sad, when you've lost, when you've mourned, when you've grieved - and in those times, you rememner the ones that were there for you to help you, serve you, be with you, understand you, pray for you, and give you hope.  I can do that.  I can do those things so well - God has shown me in multitudes of ways.  I've been moved, I am being changed - and this time: I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.  I am letting GOD control my path, because I want the destiny HE has planned for me - full of joy, peace, and love - the things I believe in. 

I'm not going to listen to anything but my heart and what the Lord convicts, sways, moves, and touches.  I know He dwells within me and will show me the right way.  I'm tired of my way - because it is soooo the wrong way.

Oh, and another reason I have no desire to go look at castles of Kings and Queens of another country that are rude to us, is that I'm a proud and loud SOUTHERN BELL and I ain't going to no castle being as I have never graced the gates of GRACELAND where my King lived and died.  Call me a redneck, but I've got a better name for you I bet ;)

Peace and Love
Baily

Pray for me that in this next year I find my true direction.  I am in no hurry, I am on God's time! Love you all!

"When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself."
-Paulo Coelho



things i need to say

"If you're lucky enough to be different

from everyone else, don't change." 

 -Taylor Swift

Since moving back home and having a clearer mind about things, I have learned so much more about myself.  I have been pedal to the metal in 'self-discovery mode' for two solid years now, but I wasn't getting anywhere - I was either running in place or driving in circles.  I wasn't telling the truth about myself and I was letting my fears control my life and my lifestyle.  I am a firm believer that it took the act of me moving home and humbling myself to the truth about me. 

The ugly truths about me. 

It sounds like it was devastating and an all-out personal tragedy, but to be honest, it was the most beautiful decision I have ever made.  Well, second most beautiful decision.  The day I handed my life over to Christ was the day I made the most beautiful.  But coming home was a 'right move' and it has lead to so many self-revelations and new learning experiences about who I am and

what I want to become.

Since coming home, I've been reassured of these simple truths about life.

There's no place like home.

I am loved.

Home is where the heart is.

There's always one place that'll call me one of their own.

Friends come and go but true friends never leave you.

Family matters most.

A Sunday sermon can change life around.

Progress happens one step at a time.

I am different.  Always have been; always will be.

The thing is, I love that I am different.  I love that on several first dates I've been told, "you're one of the most interesting girls I've ever met."  I love that people say I am one of a kind.  I am happy because I embrace it.  I am happy because I can laugh at my flaws and know that God thinks I am perfect.  I am full of joy because I am surrounded by friends who are happy that "Baily Jones" is back in town.  I keep a positive attitude about my situation because I know my family has faith in me and therefore it's easy to keep the faith in myself.  I am not sad, down, and out.  I feel no misery and I'm free of darkness and doubt.  I came home and faced the honesty that I had been running from, and my chains were lifted.

I am free.

I am me.

Free-bird.

Since coming home and experiencing this freedom that I found through the truth, I have been a different person.  I better person.  I've fallen in love with myself again.  I have confidance when I look in the mirror and I finally have the desire to show my bubbly nature and radiance now.  I think it is because I am finally in a place where people appreciate that radiance, they have a bond much stronger with the bubbly Baily than they did with the depressed & distant Baily. 

It took me coming home to where my roots are to find

some of the missing pieces of my life's puzzle. 

When I say I hit the pavement running in the direction of self-discovery, I mean I went searching high and low.  In the wrong groups of friends, in the right groups of friends.  In the wrong guys, and in more wrong guys.  In cities, social groups, and organizations.  In life passions, life dreams, and bucket lists.  I turned 21 years old and realized I hadn't really started living so I took it upon myself to find the life worth living.  It is just unfortunate for me that I chose to it at a time and place that weren't right and I was too young and stupid to realize the bigger problem. 

I was a child of the world and not a child of God

and that is never a good start for starting over. 

It's funny how God kept interrupting and tried to pull me back on His path, but I refused to until I had no choice.  I lost control and finally made a responsible decision and decided to humble myself and better myself rather than run from it or sweep it under the rug and go on lying to myself and everyone around me that I was ok and had control of everything in my life. 

Now, God has control and things are better than ever for me personally.

He brought me to a place that is nurturing me back to completeness.

He's blessed me with reunited friendships and the sense of familiarity that I was desperately longing for.  A place that accepts me for me and hated to see me so un-Baily like.  I find that such a comfort in a world where we seem to be manipulated and changed by the people around us during this self-searching phase of life.  The only changes these friends want to see in me are the self-improvement goals I've made for myself - and that is something that means a lot. 

I don't feel like I'm not worth it to anyone here.  People go out of their way to help me, to boost me up, and to hold me accountable.  I mean that they hold me accountable because I have found myself being a better friend to others, just by being around these wonderful folks.  When someone very special to me told me that I was beautiful last night, I believed him because I can trust these people.

Even after all the stabs in the back and the unfaithfulness and the verbal abuse I have suffered from guys in my past, I am able to love and have no fear because I am cared about and truly adored by them. 

It's a feeling and a peace of mind that words simply cannot explain.

Like this text message from a friend that made me happy.

The little things in life mean everything to me.

Sender:

"You are just Baily Jones...

what more is there to say. 

That is what it is."

If that doesn't make ya feel good, I don't know what does.

I'm aware that I'm a little different, my life story is full of beauty and tragedy, and I have an odd and quirky way about me... but it's who I am and I've always believed that if you don't love yourself then no one else will love you.  Well, I came home and found the parts of me that I had gone astray over the past few years, and I'm loving who I am becoming and I love, even more so, that I am admired for just being me.

So thank you to everyone who loves me for me.

Who didn't give up on me, try to change me,

or try to make me believe I am a bad person or not worth it.

The people who have stuck by me through the storm and are now standing in the sun with me. 

I love you more than I can justify with words.

"It's your gift to see the beauty and the horror in ordinary things. It doesn't make you crazy - just different. There's nothing wrong with being different."

-Cassandra Clare; City of Bones

peace and love

BE AS YOU ARE

baily

"You've got one life; live it. Follow your dreams, quit your job, drop out of school, tell your boyfriend that he is lousy, and walk out the door. This is your time. This is your life.

You know what? Dream as big as you want to,

it's the cheapest thing you'll ever do.

-Jared Leto

Happiness is Homemade

happiness is homemade

via

Since I am a pro at figuring out happiness through sadness, I have worked up the conclusion that 'happiness is homemade.'  We have to make happiness happen in our lives, because for some of us it doesn't just fall into our laps.  It seems like - for some of us - the worst kind of curveballs fall into our laps and the best parts of life are something we have to work at.  Like relationships, achievements, and self satisfaction.

And just like a quilt, or cupcakes, or apple pie - when it's homemade it's just  B E T T E R ! !

I woke up this morning, drank a cup of coffee, and regretted not getting out of bed sooner to go on a walk with my mom and a couple of her friends.  I brought up the idea to Momma to go on another walk with me and she agreed.  And since Dad isn't working today, he went too!  So Momma, Daddy, Millie, and I went on a 3 mile walk around our community.  I loved it!!

The Florida sunshine was BEAMING and beautiful, the weather has warmed to a comfortable degree in the 70s, and for that 45 minute walk, LIFE WAS PERFECT!!

We made that happen... that happiness was homemade!  I definitely could have just gone on a 3 mile walk with myself or just Millie and I but I wanted some quality time with my very special parents. 

SPEAKING OF HOMEMADE - Mom wants me to bake Christmas cookies for her.  I am the cook, my sister is the baker.  I am not excited about this challenge to live up to my sister's superb baking standards!  Soooo... we'll see how it goes!

What is your favorite holiday cookie? Share some recipes!! :)

And for all you Floridians, get out and enjoy the sun today!

peace and love

baily

let the rebuilding begin....

Guess what finally came in the mail to my Florida house?
It came in the mail... exactly 6 months to the day after the fire.
THE INSURANCE CLAIMS CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BOOM! Yessss.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am allowed to VERY RESPONSIBLY begin rebuilding my 'assets' that I had in the fire.  Mom is dying to fly me home to hit up the amazing factory stores that the Orlando shopping scene offers.  It's always a bargain shopper's heaven and since she and I are both bargain shoppers... this is a 'playground.'  Sorry Dad, it's only because of the fire.  And we ALL wish that it just would have never happened!

I do at least.  A lot of my life would be a little less complicated and I wouldn't be such an emotional see-saw.  Oh well... life happens and we've just got to ride it out.

But back to the higher end of the see-saw, I GET TO START, well I should say CONTINUE, TO REPLACE MY BELONGINGS!

Of course, I got the neccessities and a few extra goodies here and there for being spoiled and well taken care of, but I get to actually get some furniture ordered, buy a winter coat, get Millie a better leash, an iPod, my infamous bohemian jewelry, and books, and purses.

Speaking of purses... Queen Bargain-Shopper (that's Momma, I'd be the Princess one) found the most BEAUTIFUL grey Coach purse for me. Thanks, Momma!  She got tickled that the style name was 'Hippie'... hahaha.

Guess what I asked my Mom for money for to replace first???
Undies! So, it's off to Victoria's Secret I go.  It's my 6-month post-fire birthday and I finally have claims check cash! :)

Baily