another one about forrest and jenny

I suppose if you've read any of my earlier blog posts then you might recollect that I am intrigued by the movie Forrest Gump.  It's funny, because a lot of my life has played out in ways that I can relate to the movie.  The basics: Forrest and I were both students at the University of Alabama.  Forrest and I both love running, our Mama's, and Elvis.  And, Forrest and I have always had that one special person in our lives.  Jenny was a folk music loving 'hippie' and we both love Joan Baez.  In my younger years, my family called me "Bubba" when I had to rock the "lip bumper" for orthodontic reasons.  And when I'm mad, sometimes I wish I could fly free like a bird just like Jenny wished, or I throw rocks into thin air out of anger.  Like Forrest said though, "sometimes, I guess, there just aren't enough rocks."

I'm a human and because of that, I can't say that I have been strong and graceful throughout this entire fire situation.  I get frustrated, a lot!  I try to get caught up with schoolwork and have to relearn that my textbooks don't exist anymore and I get excited about wearing one of the new outfits my mother bought me right before the fire and have to remember that I don't have that wardrobe anymore.  I'll go to invite friends over and remember that there's not too much room in my temporary home.  Little things seem to have gotten the best of me lately.  I'm tired, fatigued, and not as easy to wake up in the mornings these days.  Not that I have ever been a morning person, but it seems to me that I dread having to start another day in this weird "funk" I have been living in.  Yesterday, I was not having one of my 'better days'.  That was until I decided to watch my favorite of all movies.  This required me to go to Target and use one of the gift cards that friends contributed to me, but it was well worth it.

So many things enlightened me, inspired me, and humored me - as that movie always does.  I have SEVERAL favorite scenes, but the one that always got to me most when I was a little girl is the same one that get to me most nowadays.  When Forrest returns from Vietnam and reconnects with Jenny, who was gypsying across the nation, from "Berkeley to D.C.", in an old Volkswagen van.  She asks him "why are you so good to me?" and he simply says "'cause you're my girl."  It's funny because I don't think of myself as a romantic and I definitely straddle both sides of the whole destiny and fate thing.  But even as a young girl, and especially now, I always have wanted someone who loves me unconditionally and doesn't care if my style is a little wacky. I want someone who doesn't want to intersect with my personal dreams, but rather support me and love me through my life journey, while having a journey of his own at the same time.  The kind of love that stands beside you and guides you, rather than hold you back or push you into a life you don't want.  Maybe we all have that person, or maybe there is just a lucky few that do, but I know I have him in my life.

I admire him because he has never tried to be my teacher, but he is the one person that would always be there for me when I need to throw rocks at my past and if I wanted to be made into a bird and fly away, he'd pray it with me.  I know I'll always be "his girl" and he knows I'll always have some crazy, far-out dream to chase.  But that's where it might differ, because he's the one person, other than my family, that believes in me and doesn't find even the craziest ideas of mine to be all that crazy.  He just knows that is who I am and how I'll always be, and as long as I keep my heart open and stay true to myself, he'll dream it with me.

And he knows that he is special to me just like Forrest knew he was special to Jenny.  They were one another's first friend, best friend, and soulmate.  I think of how it would've been if I hadn't had this 'first friend' of mine at Alabama stick with me through the good times and bad these five years.  It is probably safe to say that the whole course of my college history would have been shaped entirely different if we weren't able to withstand some of the adversity that came our way.  I can't help but admire the relationship that we have and we both know that it is far from ordinary.  Plus, our friends remind us of how not normal what we have is.  But like Ms. Gump said, "What's normal anways?"

So as I begin rebuilding my things, it is important that I only take with me the things that mean the most to me.  Obviously my family and friends are the essence of my life, and with them, I do not need the material things that I lost.  But, I'm a go-getter and I promised myself that I wouldn't let the fire hold me back from having the things that make me who I am.  The sleeve of leather and bangle bracelets, the journals I pour my heart into, the music that makes playlists of all different aspects of my life, and the clothes that describe me as a girl who's wild at heart.  All of those things will be rebuilt, and soon I'll be rockin' my style like a fire never happened.  But, I still won't be "Baily" without the friends that have truly and undoubtedly made me who I am. 

There's no need to hang on to the people in my past that don't support me in my new beginning.  Like Forrest was always told, "you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on," I firmly believe that to be true.  The people who try to hinder me from embracing my crazy life and the ones who haven't been here for me when I was throwing rocks during this difficult time.  I guess life has a funny way of showing us our purpose and the ones we value most.  I'm just glad I didn't keep my heart closed off any longer because losing my possessions in a fire doesn't compare to the damage I could do to my life by not letting someone in who has loved me longer and loved me deeper than anyone else.

It never fails that I learn something new about Forrest Gump every time I watch it.  I may have known the lines of the movie by heart (I don't kid!) but I didn't know too much about that heart of mine until now.  I don't know why he's so good to me, but I'll guess that it's because I will always be his girl.

Peace&Love

Bjj

"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is."