Why is it that the day you turn 20 years old you all of a sudden get a taste of reality in the most harsh way? I've always been told or concluded in my own mind that adolescence is the toughest time in a person's lifespan. Since the day I turned 20 (almost two and a half years ago) my smooth sailing life hit some pretty rough seas.
My usual problems before I was 20 was whether or not I'd ever get boobs or if the quarterback of the football team liked me more than a friend. Now, it's about education, romance, and passion in life. Not to mention career, stability, and life-long values. I'll tell you one thing, today I was wishing I was still flat chested and when I could heal my pain with a bandaid. But not now, the twenty something year old's dilemma amounts to various types of pain that are like clock-work - right when you think you've successfully crossed that bridge over troubled water you seem to lose your step and fall right back in it.
So here I am again, trying to stay positive when I should be cursing myself for the mistakes and irresponsibility that hang on my shoulders like heavy baggage. I can read or write or keep myself surrounded by friends in order to keep my mind off of the things that are bothering me but isn't that just avoidance? Isn't avoidance a form of denial? I believe it is.
So, as I had a reality check this weekend with my mother and sister and brother-in-law, I decided that I can't keep avoiding the things I've done wrong or be weary and weak because I tend to think I am crippled by the hurt and pain in my past. I'm done denying it and hiding behind excuses and blame. I've decided to put forth my best effort in order to change the things I can change. Starting with me.
And I will accept with understanding the things that I can not change. It all comes down to humbling myself and doing the things I must do, no matter how intense or embarassing or humiliating they are, in order to reach my optimum happiness, health, and well-being.
I'm still hoping that life as a thirty something might be a little less rocky. But I know no matter what, no matter when, and no matter why, I have the Lord and His shelter and he will never give me more than I am capable of handling. I must admit, He can give you some pretty hard tests... especially in your twenties.
Peace and Love,
BJJ
Be the change you wish to see in the world. -Gandhi
No comments:
Post a Comment