Everyone searches for happiness and true meaning in life. No one wants to be sad or depressed and no one should be those things. There are far more things to find peace, joy, and happiness in than there are things to be upset about. I've always believed this and I've kicked myself in the shin a couple of times for failing to overcome the negatives in life sometimes. But lately, I've realized that happiness is inner-peace but delivers more to your outward beauty than anything else can. We can hide our scars with cosmetics, we can slap a smile on our face and fake it, and we can tell people over and over that we're happy and content, but the inner-peace is what matters most and is the ultimate tell-all.
I think I've faked it before. I've put smiles on my face that were no indication of what I was really feeling. I've pampered myself, bought a great outfit, and strutted around town acting like I knew what was going on my life and that I was in control but I probably didn't fool anyone. I couldn't fool myself and I'm pretty easy to trick. But now, it's amazing how I don't have to fake it anymore. It's a genuine happiness that shows greatly on the outside but feels even better on the inside. I feel good! I'm full of joy! I'm grateful for the love of family and friends! And I find peace in knowing that my life is far from over just because SOME things haven't gone my way. I've achieved great things in my 22 years and that's only a quarter of the life I'll lead if I make it to my late 80's.
I think I realized this while I was on the phone with a friend who has been quite the inspirational mentor lately. I told him that I've only been on this earth for 22 years and that I have A LOT to learn and MANY places to see. It's true... I have always been full of adventure and curiousity, so why am I holding back on all the ambitions that lie ahead of me? Just the thought of all the things that I have planned to do in life puts the genuine, not fake, smile on my face. It is the enormous amount of joy that has overcome me lately. It's the idea that my destiny is unbound. If I have a positive outlook on life as I start to make these big girl decisions, then I can shape the direction of my life as I chase down my wildest dreams.
So many things have happened lately that have showed me that my possibilities and opportunities in life are endless. I have gotten back on track with my faith and I have removed the toxic people from my life that put limitations and restrictions on me. Even though I had to make changes on who played intricate roles in my life, I still try to act out of kindness to everyone around me. No matter the circumstance - the pain, the hurt, or the other negative feelings that some have inflicted on me, I want to be a testament that I may be bruised but not broken and that I have a natural goodness and an enormous need to show affection and compassion to others. Even though I'm tough, ambitious, driven, and imperfect it does not mean that I am a bad person, and I will not let that be a definition of me to anyone, no matter what. I've never been the peacemaker or the saint, but I do have a lot of happiness and joy that I want to spread in order to make a positive impact wherever I go. Maybe I haven't been the best about it in the past, but, it's never too late to be a better person.
As I have said 'goodbye' to many people who stood in the way of me becoming a better person, I have said 'hello' to even more people who ride my same wavelength and understand me and my thoughts. Looking back to when I first got to Alabama, there are a handful of people who have been my friends throughout the entire ride. Those people, like Brett Laney and Kathleen Henderson, are my best friends and honest confidants. The other people who are around me and whom I call "friends" these days are in my life for a reason. They, like so many others couldn't, understand me and love me. When friends like that are in my life, there is no longer ANY need to fake a smile or pretend I'm happy when I'm not. Because I AM happy and my smiles are bigger than ever. The only bittersweet part is that I graduate in August and will move on as I begin writing the next chapter of my life. It's far sweeter than bitter though, because these friends who are a part of my life now are the kind of friends that will be around forever. The ones who aren't in my life anymore, well, they won't be around forever obviously and that's perfectly fine with me. Not to sound cruel or 'bitchy', but it's true. I'm way more fortunate for who is with me right now than I am unfortunate for who isn't. As a sidenote, every single person who has been a part of my life, I will always wish the best for. I will always hope for peace, comfort, joy, and happiness in their life-journey because like I said before, it's what everyone is searching for and it's the things that give us meaning to our lives.
Sure, these are high-anxiety times as I try to find a city, career, and group of friends to fit in in when I graduate. But that doesn't mean that I don't seize the day and find my purpose for the here and now. I know I have a purpose to be a daughter, a sister, a student, and a friend and that's where I'll find my happiness - in those things because we all DO have a purpose, we all DO have a meaning, and we all ARE capable of genuine happiness and overflowing amounts of joy... it's right in front of us and not as hard to find as we might think it is.
Here's a quote that has REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, meant a lot to me lately:
"Love life and life will love you back."
How true.......... and like I said, it's never too late to become a better person. Implementing what that quote said into my life was where I started and so many things have fallen in to place ever since I took it to heart and started worrying about TODAY, not yesterday or tomorrow. It's cliche, but oh-so-true.
Peace & Love ☮
Bjj
With friends Kabbie & Lindsay at Gallettes in Tuscaloosa, Ala (September 2009)
In my hometown with friends Susan, Beth, Savannah, and Alex. (Oviedo, Fla. August 2009)
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