greengreengreengreengreen

So apparently, today, my favorite color has been green.  In class, I grabbed the green construction paper when told to pick one from the pile.  I've never been "cHoOsY" when we are told to do something like that - I'm 23 years old for cryin' out loud!  But today... Green. Green this, green that.  I even had a very "go green" lunch consisting of a turkey and portobella panini and a side of soup consisting of spinach, pinto beans, and chicken.  It was abso-freaking-lutely delicious, to say the least, but my point here is - I'm on this green kick and it's starting to freak me out.

I'm a mustard yellow girl... a bright yellow girl... burnt orange, perhaps.  And a Carolina blue girl... what is with me and green lately.  I'm wearing it, I'm trying to live the lifestyle so that I don't feel guilty about the horrible condition of the earth later on as it only continues to worsen, and dang it if I'm not repainting my turquoise art projects into a similar to this font-shade of gReeN... bogus if you ask me.

Anywho... I remember this green Gap sweater that I had and LOVED to wear during weather like this.  Mom - Dad ... you two HAVE GOT TO KNOW what sweater I'm talking about... as we did our tour de 'the South' this Christmas (when we were the Griswald's, remember?) I think I slept, roadtripped all day, slept again, wore out to dinner, and never washed this green sweater from like the second Mom drove me home from Christmas Exams until I pulled out of the driveway on January 10th a damn National Champion.  Anywho - this shade of green reminds me of that Gap sweater... as did the construction paper lesson in class today... as does my really hilarious personal recollection of all the fun we had as the Griswalds.... hahahahahahaha.

Still laughing.

Well, I am going to try to pick up on ALL that I have missed... but I am being a busy little bee today with lots of different projects - hmmm... wonder what that is... ADHD maybe???

But bare with me, I'm playing catch-up.... and I'm not even really sure where to begin... there's really nothing crazy I must inform you of since the last time I posted (which was just as randomly thrown together as this one I DO realize)...

But in case you didn't hear...

Alabama kicked Florida's you-know-what... 31-6.
And last time they came to Bryant-Denny it was TWO stadium expansions less than it was Saturday night, which would make the crowd some odd 83,000 in 2005, and the scoare was 31-3.
But this Saturday night I was sitting with my Gator-hater Momma in the second expansion at Bryant-Denny since 2005, and I was part of the some od 101,000 ecstatic and passionate Alabama fans....(some very hyper - aka the girl beside us who snuck a RedBull behind her brother's back before the game)!!!!  No wait, !!!!!*!***!*!*!!!!!!!!!!!!***!*!*!*!*!**!*!*!!!!!!!!! (that's more like homegirl)

62-9. (that's a lotta touchdowns to a small amount of field goals)

Roll Tide

Peace&Love

Baily

mi vida, en realidad (my life, actually)

I have not been a very active blogger lately and I am completely aware of it.  Sometimes things get busy or the stars align in other ways and we are too busy living and experiencing and we have to wait until things slow down in order to update the blog and all.  That's very much what has been going on with me.  Between schoolwork and entertaining a suprise guest, I just not have found a sweet little window of time to get some things off of my chest.

In time's past, when I say I have to unload the thoughts and burdens that are bothersome, it has come out in an unorganized mess that is usually an honest depiction of the process in which most my thinking occurs.  Anywho, I have a lot on my mind to say the least: some makes me happy, some makes me sad, and some have not been figured out entirely so I'm not exactly sure what sort of affect they will have on me.  

For starters, school is going well.  I have to admit that it is sometimes aggravating having to live in what is remnants of the fire and doing the things and sort of assignments I was doing before they were items to be added to my insurance claims check. But, Forrest Gump said it best... shit happens.

Speaking of FG, I watched that movie recently.  Actually, I watched all 3 of my favorite movies this week.  Almost Famous, Forrest Gump, and (500) Days of Summer.  Wow.  I couldn't tell you the last time I watched 3 DVDs in one week.  I know I have, because I have always been a movie girl and my sister was the television show gal.  But 3 in one week?  That happened NEVER when my world was the twilight zone.  Thank goodness for having that little luxury back in my life.  And where I thought Mr. Clay was going to be my music-man, he's turned out to be a pretty groovy movie watcher, too.  I have truly missed that for a while now, and it's good to have that back!

Something that has me flustered is that, to put it simply, Dancing With The Stars is absolutely awful this year. Please give me some lovelies to look at like Erin and Pamela if the dances are going to be just as sub-par to last season as the line-up is, but compared to Michael Bolton and The Situation, I would rather watch Jake Pavelka prancing around like a pansie again.  Or, maybe not.  I do like that Sarah Palin is in the stands and that Levi Johnston is banned from the audience.  And even though I was like the very last person of people my age to jump aboard the Jersey Shore boat, and despite the grossed-out near-nausea affect that The Situ & his boys have on me, I'm with my Sissy - I am in love with Snooki.  She cracks me up... and WHO cannot LoVe the fact that she called out our Pop-star Pres on the taxing of tanning beds.  Maybe it's that or maybe it's when she goes into an all-out fit fest she reminds me I'm not the only crazy bia-bia about there. Ha, jk. Maybe.

Oh yeah, speaking of fancy-prance Jake, did I ever let y'all know that I switched to "Team Vienna" after the spectacle he made of himself when he showed us what a d-word he was?  Yes, my ex-boyfriend in high school may or may not have had his transgressions with her... but we all can change... but none of us gals deserve to be treated like that.  "Undermine me?"  Sadly, the term was used with me.  Saddest part, after Jake had already used it and it be viewed by said person accusing me of the underminement. (Is that a word?? I do not know.)

And lastly, what do you do when you can't find the words to say to somebody?  There are two people that I don't know what to say.  One, I want to say goodbye to and leave the friendship that he left behind, but I want to do it with a little bit more grace than he did.  Maybe the reason there are no words is because he doesn't deserve another try and he doesn't deserve my friendship that fuels the need to say what I feel anyway.  So maybe I will just stay silent about that.  Still, I hope he never treats someone the way he has treated me.  But at the same exact time, I hope he can be a lighthouse to another life and safely guide lost ships to shore.  That's what he was for me.  He listened to me but made me hear the music of my own uniquness and that's what gave me the bubbly life of Baily back and what has kept me dancing throughout even the saddest of songs.  But I guess he doesn't neccessarily have to be amongst the ones dancing with me.  'Tis a shame, I would have been a good friend to him and he's chosen to not only have no desire for it, but has no desire to display any decency in listening to what I have to say or to know the new me.  The one that had to roll with the punches and adapt to some major friggin' changes in life.  Some HUGE ones.  Like, Ms. Gump said 'You have to put the past behind you in order to move on' and she's never been more right in her life.  Well, other than the other uber-brilliant lines she is quoted in that extra-uber-brilliant film.  But of course I've changed, better yet - I've improved, and I think that my Faith is what has me to continue on praying for him and the absolutely unneeded dramatic situation, and above all, a life full of happiness - even though most people think I'm batshit crazy for still caring about him.  I guess, once a Bobby McGee always a Bobby McGee.  But like most songs, interpret it as you will
The other, just sort of leaves me speechless for all the POSITIVE reasons.  Just the little things in life that are noticed and put into action without structured planning of so... the laughter that I would have NEVER known was missing until I realized I truly had it back... the ability to be oneself around someone unfamiliar yet more familiar and real than you can even describe, the affirmation that everything happens for a reason, and how pretty the glow of a candle can be after all, and the simplicity of knowing that fire can, in fact, be enjoyed when it's lighting the scene for reheated leftovers with someone special enough to WANT to know me, the REAL me.  And what really leaves me speechless... I've never been so honest about myself with someone in my entire life.  I surprise myself at the things I will tell him.  But they are safe - those secrets are. And any signs of jadedness on my heart are not from him, but he respects them.  I'll be able to put it in an understandable statement one day I reckon.  'Til then, I'll live my days with the appreciation for the people who not only want to build a friendship and relationship with me but they are willing to do it with a leap of faith.  While others, they turn their back on a true intent to be friends with not only him but the people he values with love, including the obviously highly thought of girlfriend of his.  I guess I was a part of a completely different friendship and I guess no matter what I do, or say, people will think of me the way THEY WANT TO think of me. 

And then others, think of me as - to put it simply - worth it.

Oh yeah, to get you caught up to speed with other ramblings: I have a renewed zest for learning Spanish again, I am DYING to get my hands on a personal project and turn it into something that makes a BIG DIFFERENCE for a charitable organization that I am PASSIONATE about, and I can't wait to see my family and get THE MILLIE GIRL back tomorrow.  .  . yes, be prepared for a Momma who has missed 'The Pig' and who will ALSO be getting her digi-cam back and you know what happened last time, don't you? When Mildred and I were reunited post-fire, and the digi-cam was replaced the first go-round (before the Target idiot broke the brand new thing), I ended up taking boo-koos of pictures. 

But it's not like she makes it hard to 'oOoH' and 'aAaAh' over, let's be for serious now...

peace and love

baily

and there's nothing wrong with the way that she moves;

or scarlet begonias or a touch of the blues

what a perf song chico

i love to hear that roll tide roll...

Everyone should be pretty, or very, aware that I love my Alabama football.  It isn't something that I grew up knowing at an early age but it is something that chronicles a new love and respect that I have for the sport.

When I started out blogging, it was on a different site that was created by me to extend my sports column which ran for two years in my high school's newspaper publication.  It was devoted to my devotion to sports.  And my devotion to sports is an undying thing. I was born in the Tar Heel state, where the shine of the hardwood is a beautiful thing and the squeaking of rubber-souls is almost as sweet of a sound as swoosh.  My devotion to sports was born in basketball but has developed into a passionate, burning love for the game of football.  It was not too long after moving to Alabama that I realized how infatuated with tradition-rich football I was! 

That's why today was a good day.  I sat on a couch with one of my best friends, Emily McGee, and spectated ALL day long.  We were spectators of a game that we both have a strong connection with.  That's because we both went to a school that lives and breathes and will die for all things football.  We have lived in a city that comes to life in the Fall and goes into hibernation during the Spring, when our town's people are glued to BamaOnline and Rivals.com hoping to get a glimpse of what to expect from this town's one true love: the Crimson Tide. 

We left only to pick up a few things from the grocery store and to pick up a take-out order to keep us fed during this football packed Saturday.  Today there were no frills; just a couple of twenty-something year old girls who looked a lot like 45-year old beer-gutted men today with a Bud Light in our hands and our asses imprinted on the couch.  It just humors me that even when the Crimson Tide play in an entirely different state, the team's faithful still let college football be what our world revolves around.  And with the end result being a W, I can't seem to find a better way to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon.  Well, an afternoon in the crazy student section at Bryant-Denny Stadium would be nice, but I've got that to look forward to next week.

But I love the days like today when I am reminded just how passionate and on-fire I am for the crimson-clad boys.  The game against Arkansas in Fayetteville was a high-intensity, edge of your seat type game and I think it would have made for a less successful day if I were standing on the metal bleachers in Bryant-Denny.  Not that I would have any less faith in my schoolmates to secure the 28th straight regular-season win, but the anxiety and near-fatal panic attacks I suffered in the comfort of my own home would have not mixed well with the whiskey-lit and rip roarin' drunk fans that pack themselves in like sardines to every home game.  The back and forth lead, the gloom of doubt, and the hard-to-understand play-calling were all handled much calmer than if I were in my home-game element.  I laugh when I think of the close calls I've witnessed in person. 

Plus, I got to watch more football and keep my ass permanently imprinted on the couch.  The love isn't just for Alabama when the quad is covered in crimson and the speakers jam out 'Sweet Home Alabama.' 

The love for football runs deep here in the Deep South and the faith that I have in the Crimson Tide continues to grow.  Even on the Saturdays that I shake no shaker, I drink no Yellow Hammer, and I scarf down no 'Denny Dogs.'  Maybe that's why I love this program so much. 

And, then again, maybe it's because we are the number one team in the nation.  Or because we are SO good, even when we play REALLY bad.  Whatever it is, it's earned my lifetime commitment as a Bama fan.  Now who's with me?!?!

peace and love

ROLL TIDE

baily 

this one moved me

Damn, I don't know.  I don't dwell on it much.

I did wonder, but I'll never know why it happened.

The impulse is to use reason to understand something

that lives beyond reason.  It's the lunatic fringe.

You have to keep your eyes open but you cannot live

your life in fear.  In hindsight, it feels like one of those life

lessons, that good things come of even the worst you can imagine. 

It was a strange time, to say the least. 

The fire.

It was obvious that, eventually, I'd need to stop and create a new

place to call home.  I just had no sense for what was to come next. 

No master plan. 

As it happened, I was thrown into one of the most artistically fulfilling,

one of the lightest in spirit, and certainly one of the most unexpected 

periods in my life.  Here I was, someone who'd lost everything I owned. 

I remember the fire, really well. 

I can still see the trucks arriving and the hose blasting water on my house.

And I didn't even have shoes to wear. 

A moment like that is not one when

you're thinking, "Soon I'll enter into one of the most magical times in my life."

And then wonderfully, that's just what happened. 

IT IS WORTH REMEMBERING THAT IT CAN WORK THAT WAY.

-Tom Petty

 doing his best to explain the unexplainable

When one door closes another opens, in all of life.

The life that I knew, the one with reason and simple sense...

well, it burnt down with my room.

Now, I have this life that opened it's door to me and has supplied me with

new meaning

new ideas

new thoughts

and he put it pretty honestly when he said this period of new beginnings is magical

and beyond reason and of wonder.  It truly is.

P&L

baily

 

spread the love wednesday

LOVE

 is like listening to music

from another room...you sing along

because you like the song, but then the

door closes and a train passes by. 

You can't hear it anymore, but

you keep on singing the song. 

Then, the door opens and you

can finally listen again.

peace and love
bjj

my favorite song today:  one day at a time by deana carter

I've got a friend that wears go-go boots to Sunday School

We used to sit and drink pink champagne on a tin roof

Ridin' it out in a Thunderbird,

Singin' out loud every single word of Jack & Diane

Tryin' to pretend there was no rules

Kissin' on boys and sneakin' in bars

Tryin' to get a glimpse of who we are

We weren't wild, but we weren't far

She said Thelma & Louise, you got nothin' on me

And you can tell ol' James Dean to get in line

Thanks to Elvis and Kurt Cobain, the world will never be the same

You gotta make history one day at a time...

She graduated in 1987

We were gonna make a break for it together

Headed out to Hollywood, where the stars are bright and the weather's good

But she changed her mind and went back to the 7-11

She went and married the football star

Had a few kids and works real hard

It ain't wild, but it ain't far

She said Thelma & Louise, you got nothin' on me

And you can tell ol' James Dean to get in line

Thanks to Elvis and Kurt Cobain, the world will never be the same

You gotta make history one day at time...

Hey Thelma & Louise, you got nothin' on me

And you can tell ol' James Dean to get in line

Thanks to Jesus and John Wayne, the world will never be the same

You gotta make history one day at a time...

Like John Lennon and Kennedy

I'm with them, yeah, 'cause I believe

You gotta make history one day a time.

why no travel tuesday?

fyi: I have not forgotten about my Travel Tuesday feature.  Due to the Labor Day holiday, a sketchy week of blogging off-and-on, and my featured blogger this week being a super busy nurse/wife/student, I have not posted one in 3 consecutive weeks.  Whether you noticed or not, I did.  Travel Tuesday will be back next week with a certain sister of mine telling us all about 'the Magic City.'  That's Birmingham.  Don't know why it's called the Magic City.  Maybe we will find out!!! :)

millie says: peace and love and happiness!

baily

i was so my sister today

I am officially my sister.

I spent a couple of hours today helping one of my closest friends register at Babies 'R' Us.  That's a huge move up on the maturity ladder if you ask me.  I was glad that I could be of assistance to her, because I know that she is bound to have so much craziness going on in life and the thought process of planning and preparing has to be absolutely overwhelming.  So, I became aware today, through that, that I was so much like Ashley. 

I thought about neccessity first.  Frills and thrills second.  I made my friend Google and print out lists: Top 10 Things A New Mother Must Have; The Basic List For Your First Baby Shower; A Guide To Registering For Your First Baby Shower, etc.  It really hit home when we found ourselves completely endulged in baby world.  When we pulled up to Babies 'R' Us and she swung her SUV into the 'Mommies To Be' spot, I swallowed it for the first time.  I was beginning to get the baby taste in my mouth by just thinking about all the fun we are going to have planning, prepping, and delivering this bundle of joy, but I don't know if it really set in enough to actually swallow until I saw her take advantage of that closer parking space and instantly took on the title of 'Mommy To Be'.  When we got inside, I apparently switched into Ashley-mode.  And for Baily, the Ashley-mode was on full blast.

My friend filled out the proper paperwork while I grabbed a highlighter and began highlighting the neccesities.  I grabbed brochures, coupon booklets, and organizational helpers: lists, information, helpful hints, etc.  I asked the lady if she had a checklist for my friend, then I asked for her name again - in case we needed opinion or help with something.  As far as I know, this is our first friend-baby and none of us have ever been the Mommy To Be before.  The lady looked at my friend and goes, 'geez, I think your friend over there has done this a time or two before.'  I haven't.  But I definitely watched my sister plan and pull off one of the most beautiful and detailed weddings I've ever attended.  All on her own, with the help of good friends.  Since I was one of those 'good friends' and 'helpers' I figured I might as well be my sister about it and be the one with the permanently attached folder of notes, lists, and to-do's that have been jotted down. 

The list was pretty long - there are A LOT of things you just do not think about when you think of a baby being born.  Well, maybe you do, but when you are our age and the plan was always to wait a little longer before having a baby but 'life' planned it a little early, you are pretty much blindsided with all the responsibilities that await you.  But, with the handy-dandy folder and checklist, we made it happen today.  If I was able to handle the highlighting, crossing-out, and checking-off of the list, I have confidence that when my day comes to register for a wedding and baby registry, the insanely organized lady that I channeled thru my inner-Ashley will take good care of me and I will be in good hands.

The due date is February 11th but she has been told by her ob/gyn that there is a good chance that the baby could arrive early!  I think she is so so grateful that she will not have to deal with a first pregnancy in the brutally hot summer months in Alabama.  She is 20 weeks along and is ready for the Fall season to come in full-force and cool some of the lingering summer heat.  I think she is was also grateful that we were able to start her registry at Babies 'R' Us now so that when the hustle and bustle of the holiday season arrives, she won't have to go into all-out freak-out mode. 

It was really nice to be a help to a special friend like that.  I know that my friends would do the same for any one in our very eclectic and diverse mix of friends.  A couple of us are planning her baby shower and are most excited about being able to help and make this time in her life as special as it possibly can be!  And having a baby with your one true love is pretty special!!!  She found out she is having a little girl, and her and her boyfriend both are so excited about that news.  I think the pink, lace, and little girly things are getting her more excited and you can see the glow of good anxiety in her face.  She's well aware that she is our trial-and-error friend but she is one of the most brilliant-minded and socially well people I have ever met in my entire life... there is no doubt that she will do an excellent job being a 'Mommy' to a precious baby girl.

I have had a good little boost of confidance throughout this whole ordeal, since learning of her pregnancy many weeks ago.  Since I have a few prenatal development and infant, toddler, preschool age development classes under my belt, I have found a settling assurance that I am very passionate about my studies in human/child development and family studies theories.  I have the ability to help people, and at the same time, apply that knowledge I learned in the classroom or by slaving hours and hours in the infant classrooms, toddler classrooms, and preschool centers.  But besides the serious stuff, who doesn't like 'ooh-ing and aah-ing' over teeny tiny baby things?  Come on, I think I've even seen my macho Dad get a little tickle out of a tiny baby-version Sperry Docksider.  Speaking of, I'm all in favor of this little Alabama sorostitute baby being completely decked out, head-to-toe, in Southern cuteness!

It was an exciting start to my day for sure.  I'm glad I got to go visit with friends.  There was a reunion of solid, genuine friends last night.  One drove in from Huntsville, one (I) drove from Tuscaloosa, one drove in from Memphis, one already lives in Birmingham, and the 'Mommy To Be' is in Birmingham now after relocating from Tuscaloosa a couple of months ago.  It meant a lot for us all to be together and I was glad that I could show this friend just how much she means to me. 

I guess I am also just like my Sissy in the way that I have always strived to be a good friend to people and to go out of my way to help out in any sort of time of need.  Ashley has always been a gem of a friend and even as a sister she is the best kind of friend I could ever ask for.  Sometimes I say she is bossy or she tries to 'mother me' too much, but that is just typical lingo for the youngest sibling, is it not?  She's bossy - but we're women, at some point we have to just man-handle the men when it comes to organizing and planning.  She can, in fact, be kinda anal and organizationally she is a perfectionist, but a lot would not be planned or been taken care of, without her around.  Excuse me, without her and her portable file-cabinet.  So, I took the reigns with the semi-Ashleyish organizational attempt and I think between the 'Mommy To Be' and three helping aides, I'd say we got a lot done and put a major dent in the long list of pregnancy to-dos. 

I'd be lying if I said we didn't get a little laxidasical at the end when everyone's blood sugar was getting low and it was feeding time.  But we figured that was a lot of baby stuff for one day, and they were SO not kidding when they named that gigantic store Babies 'R' Us.  I couldn't quite comprehend the thought of anything else baby-related even existing in the consumer marketplace if it wasn't part of the wall-to-wall fully-packed shelves of that superstore.  I was a little taken aback.  I will be very well-prepared to be the notetaker and checklist controller when it comes time to be crazy Aunt Baily and take Mrs. Organized to do the same thing.  I'm actually quite excited about it now!!!

peace and love

baily

relationship status

So...

Everyone seems to be wondering about my relationship status.  I guess since it changed on Facebook, it has started quite a few random conversations with friends I haven't talked to in a while.  If anyone's ever changed their status on Facebook, you know what I'm talking about.  It's inevitable, and makes me wonder if the extra conversation and strain it bears on you eventually is the reason that people don't make the switch on Facebook until a little time has passed between the couple and whatever decision they've made is. 

It's been the same way in the reverse situation, when I'm getting my butt dumped I mean.  There's always the extra strain of having to tell everyone what's going on.  Facebook sort of helps in the way that you can make this universal announcement to all who care to read.  And, as we all know since I'm a blogger and a quoter from the heart and mood of things on FB, I tend to make my life a little more public and a little less private than some do.  So, since I made a switch from the Single status to In A Relationship on Facebook, let me explain.  For those who care to read, you know? 

Well, first of all... let me begin by saying this:  I am very happy. 
Second, I know that a lot of people are probably wondering if me and someone from a past relationship have been able to reconcile the 'irreconciable differences'.  No.  I am not in any sort of happy relationship with anyone from my past.  Well, I guess, since I met the young man when I was the 4 or 5 year old flower-girl in my mother's best friend's wedding and he was a year younger - the ring-bearer and Godson of my mother's best friend.  Freaky deaky dee.

Well, the fairy Godmother worked her magic and the two of us met and I guess to put it simply, we really hit it off.  And because we are a totally techno-hip generation, we have been able to see one another pretty much everyday via Skype and if that doesn't work we have FBchat and our CrackBerry-to-iPhone correspondance to fall back on.  It works out quite nicely, he can literally Power On and Power Off depending on my mood swings, and my volume is totally controllable ;)  Now, if every boyfriend could say that then I think I would've hooked me one and obviously not have ended up with Mr. Hook-Line-And-Sinker but maybe I could've been the one more in control of the whole 'Catch 'n Release' deal.  Ya know, not been hurt so many times and maybe broken a few myself.  But anywho... we're equally smitten and sorry to not be modest but... we're totally pretty together.

I guess I have just been in need of some sort of adventure and in such need of expressing my open-heart and open-mindedness.  After a lot of searching for my true colors and learning to not be ashamed of them or afraid to show them, and after a lot of soul-searching prayer, I was led to meeting this absolutely great guy, Clay.  Clay Crutchfield.  My FB friends already knew that.  That's my whole point in writing this.

There are very strange connections between the two of us, and it's odd because of the fact that we probably snapped a picture or two together when we were the little cutie patootie types in the wedding way back when (no offense Leisa) but I literally do feel like I've known him my entire life.  I have a weird way of looking at people and taking in their first impression.  Ever since I moved away from home, I have always evaluated the first impression of someone in a sort of whimsical way I guess... I think of them as if they were a member of my nearly 900 person senior class.  Obviously, since we were large enough to round up to 900 people, I had a very diverse graduating class.  Especially since I am from a suburb of metro-Orlando.  Well, he's the first person that I have met outside of Oviedo that I would think my core group of guy buddies would groove completely on track with.  Our interests, our music, our expression, our individuality, everything.  And, he's not afraid to admit that he's loved and lost, gained the lessons and ready to go after it again.  Good for him.  Sound familiar?

I'll stop myself from rambling for another second, waiting to hear him say how frustrated he is and annoying I am when I forget to come up for air... no, I get a "you are the most interesting person I've ever met in my entire life.  I love listening to you."  Well that one left me speechless... so he goes into chatterbox mode while I take a break and digest not only the words, but the honesty behind them.  And that's why it's possible, and growing despite being 'long distance' and something that is simple and a true new beginning and it has been appropriate and respectful at one hundred percent entirety.  It's a good feeling to know that someone sees eye to eye on practically every single thing and is mature in handling decisions that require maturity to be handled correctly.  It's never been ignorant or hateful and my face has worn a smile permanently for weeks now.  Even when other things seem to get me down, I know that there will be a Skype smile with blonde McDreamy hair waiting for me  at the end of the day.  And those are the things that I deserve in life.  Someone that appreciates the simple things in life, and doesn't just boast about the big things he does (which he does the big things, but doesn't boast about it). To be honest, I've learned the difference and the difference means absolutely everything.

Like, when I made the comment that I didn't have any birthday cake this year.  Not a single sliver of a piece.  When I met him face-to-face for the first time, this was waiting on me...

look at how not-roses those pretty flowers are (no, have no idea flower terminology)

and not-pink and not-red (but my favorite (or one of)  - yellow)

and not-typical birthday cake... POUND CAKE! yummy!

i loved it :) and it meant more than he probably thought it would :)

But, on the real, if people want to think a certain way about me because I am in a new relationship then so be it because I can't control anyone's negativity or positivity toward me except my own.  And I'm excited, I'm genuinely happy and I've been able to learn so much more about myself through everything.  It wasn't until I was dumped out on my own that I truly faced a lot of my new fears and anxieties about life that have been born as a result of the fire.  I really dug deep during that time and I found the self-empowerment that I needed when I needed someone to believe in me most.  I found that in myself and I propelled myself forward and made sure that I didn't forget that little miss Baily Jordan Jones doesn't sulk over someone long, and she doesn't care who the heck it is anymore.  That's the truth.  I let a certain someone control my mind and heart for much longer than I should have once our relationship ended.  There is no way I was going to let that happen again and I stayed true to that and found myself in a very good and healthy place, and then the stars aligned for me in other ways.  So am I supposed to just let that pass me by because someone chose to dump me and I have to have some sort of courteous time and grace period for him?  Because I don't want you to think for a second that I wanted to sit around all day and cry over a guy who didn't value me and who let go of me when my life got hard.  I may have found myself sulking a few times here and there, but most of my days were lived in a new sense of freedom and used the time to turn over so many leaves of discovery.  I don't think I owed a minute of my life toward any sort of grace period.  From the day he said 'bye', I did everything for me.  I was done living for someone else that didn't want to live for me or help me out.  I deserved that much.  And I found it, and I couldn't be happier for all the tears I had to wipe away in the past to be honest.

I just don't think it should make me seem like I didn't value the relationship before this as much as I said I did.  I did.  I didn't end that relationship, but I have confidance that - sooner or later - the relationship was not going to work out.  I know that there were troubles that were unforeseeable due to the trauma I suffered from the fire that loomed around for the entire time we spent together, but now that I know the bliss of having a chance occurrence with someone I connect with totally, holistically, entirely, whatever you want to say... I guess I can agree with him now that things just weren't right.  I can think of him and wish for sunshine in his life, but things played out much differently than what I thought when the smoke was clouding everything.  It is what it is.

So, that's where I stand.  I am happy, I am excited, and I am proud of myself for the way things have played out thus far.  I do wish that I could see Clay more often, but I am very thankful for our techno-savvyness.  And luckily, he's not too into the 'controlling' thing like some people in my past have been, so he doesn't need his Power On and Power Off and volume controls too much ;)

Like I do every night, I'll be thanking God for the answered prayers, as well as the unanswered.  There is a blessing in disguise everywhere... I've just learned that you have to stop forcing the search and to keep your heart open no matter how vulnerable it may be... He really does work in mysterious ways!

peace and love

baily

 

weekly recap

in one word or phrase

to thine own self

i'm dreaming of you

now that i've found ya

song on repeat

'road to nowhere'

aa

..."i told her i loved her, she trold me shes leaving

just like every other person in my life that i've believed in

as she slammed the door and walked away i turned on my radio oohhh

and i played her a dancing song to guide her home

 i had more faith in her than her mother had in Jesus

but like Judas she rebuked my name for jewels and silver pieces....

 ...and in my darkest hour her eyes filled with desperation

 her words were sharp and her sword was swift,

Lord, i have been forsaken, by my one true love.

and i told her i loved her, she told me she's leaving.

just like every other person in my life that i've believed in.

and as she slammed the door and walked away, i turned on my radio oohhh

and i played her a dancing song to guide her home."

gotta write it down

in everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.

it is then rekindled by an encounter with another human being.

-albert schweitzer (france)

lesson learned

don't make someone a priority when they make you an option

picture to frame

tailgating on the quad @ ua w/ friends chism, brooke, and lauren

highlight of the week

getting in touch with some old friends who i have dearly, dearly missed

weekend plans

(since i'm always late, i'll do weekday plans)

- find part-time job
- go to post office
- finish 2 outlines and work on case study
- work on curtains

peace and love
bai

fill in the blank friday

1. The first thing I do in the morning is walk Mildred when I have her.  Or now, go start a pot of coffee and set my alarm for 12 more minutes. Yes, 12. I don't know why.
2. Every night before bed I listen to John Lennon or Joshua Radin; say my prayers; count my blessings.

 
3. My favorite thing to do when I'm having a bad day is talk to one of those special people that can change your mood from sad or mad to happy just by being them!

4. Something that makes me cringe is this court case about the Petit family.  How brutal and awful!

5. Social situations are my stage.

6. I like to collect vinyl records.

7. Weekends are for resting, here lately.

 

peace and love

baily