Everyone seems to be wondering about my relationship status. I guess since it changed on Facebook, it has started quite a few random conversations with friends I haven't talked to in a while. If anyone's ever changed their status on Facebook, you know what I'm talking about. It's inevitable, and makes me wonder if the extra conversation and strain it bears on you eventually is the reason that people don't make the switch on Facebook until a little time has passed between the couple and whatever decision they've made is.
It's been the same way in the reverse situation, when I'm getting my butt dumped I mean. There's always the extra strain of having to tell everyone what's going on. Facebook sort of helps in the way that you can make this universal announcement to all who care to read. And, as we all know since I'm a blogger and a quoter from the heart and mood of things on FB, I tend to make my life a little more public and a little less private than some do. So, since I made a switch from the Single status to In A Relationship on Facebook, let me explain. For those who care to read, you know?
Well, first of all... let me begin by saying this: I am very happy.
Second, I know that a lot of people are probably wondering if me and someone from a past relationship have been able to reconcile the 'irreconciable differences'. No. I am not in any sort of happy relationship with anyone from my past. Well, I guess, since I met the young man when I was the 4 or 5 year old flower-girl in my mother's best friend's wedding and he was a year younger - the ring-bearer and Godson of my mother's best friend. Freaky deaky dee.
Well, the fairy Godmother worked her magic and the two of us met and I guess to put it simply, we really hit it off. And because we are a totally techno-hip generation, we have been able to see one another pretty much everyday via Skype and if that doesn't work we have FBchat and our CrackBerry-to-iPhone correspondance to fall back on. It works out quite nicely, he can literally Power On and Power Off depending on my mood swings, and my volume is totally controllable ;) Now, if every boyfriend could say that then I think I would've hooked me one and obviously not have ended up with Mr. Hook-Line-And-Sinker but maybe I could've been the one more in control of the whole 'Catch 'n Release' deal. Ya know, not been hurt so many times and maybe broken a few myself. But anywho... we're equally smitten and sorry to not be modest but... we're totally pretty together.
I guess I have just been in need of some sort of adventure and in such need of expressing my open-heart and open-mindedness. After a lot of searching for my true colors and learning to not be ashamed of them or afraid to show them, and after a lot of soul-searching prayer, I was led to meeting this absolutely great guy, Clay. Clay Crutchfield. My FB friends already knew that. That's my whole point in writing this.
There are very strange connections between the two of us, and it's odd because of the fact that we probably snapped a picture or two together when we were the little cutie patootie types in the wedding way back when (no offense Leisa) but I literally do feel like I've known him my entire life. I have a weird way of looking at people and taking in their first impression. Ever since I moved away from home, I have always evaluated the first impression of someone in a sort of whimsical way I guess... I think of them as if they were a member of my nearly 900 person senior class. Obviously, since we were large enough to round up to 900 people, I had a very diverse graduating class. Especially since I am from a suburb of metro-Orlando. Well, he's the first person that I have met outside of Oviedo that I would think my core group of guy buddies would groove completely on track with. Our interests, our music, our expression, our individuality, everything. And, he's not afraid to admit that he's loved and lost, gained the lessons and ready to go after it again. Good for him. Sound familiar?
I'll stop myself from rambling for another second, waiting to hear him say how frustrated he is and annoying I am when I forget to come up for air... no, I get a "you are the most interesting person I've ever met in my entire life. I love listening to you." Well that one left me speechless... so he goes into chatterbox mode while I take a break and digest not only the words, but the honesty behind them. And that's why it's possible, and growing despite being 'long distance' and something that is simple and a true new beginning and it has been appropriate and respectful at one hundred percent entirety. It's a good feeling to know that someone sees eye to eye on practically every single thing and is mature in handling decisions that require maturity to be handled correctly. It's never been ignorant or hateful and my face has worn a smile permanently for weeks now. Even when other things seem to get me down, I know that there will be a Skype smile with blonde McDreamy hair waiting for me at the end of the day. And those are the things that I deserve in life. Someone that appreciates the simple things in life, and doesn't just boast about the big things he does (which he does the big things, but doesn't boast about it). To be honest, I've learned the difference and the difference means absolutely everything.
Like, when I made the comment that I didn't have any birthday cake this year. Not a single sliver of a piece. When I met him face-to-face for the first time, this was waiting on me...
look at how not-roses those pretty flowers are (no, have no idea flower terminology)
and not-pink and not-red (but my favorite (or one of) - yellow)
and not-typical birthday cake... POUND CAKE! yummy!
i loved it :) and it meant more than he probably thought it would :)
But, on the real, if people want to think a certain way about me because I am in a new relationship then so be it because I can't control anyone's negativity or positivity toward me except my own. And I'm excited, I'm genuinely happy and I've been able to learn so much more about myself through everything. It wasn't until I was dumped out on my own that I truly faced a lot of my new fears and anxieties about life that have been born as a result of the fire. I really dug deep during that time and I found the self-empowerment that I needed when I needed someone to believe in me most. I found that in myself and I propelled myself forward and made sure that I didn't forget that little miss Baily Jordan Jones doesn't sulk over someone long, and she doesn't care who the heck it is anymore. That's the truth. I let a certain someone control my mind and heart for much longer than I should have once our relationship ended. There is no way I was going to let that happen again and I stayed true to that and found myself in a very good and healthy place, and then the stars aligned for me in other ways. So am I supposed to just let that pass me by because someone chose to dump me and I have to have some sort of courteous time and grace period for him? Because I don't want you to think for a second that I wanted to sit around all day and cry over a guy who didn't value me and who let go of me when my life got hard. I may have found myself sulking a few times here and there, but most of my days were lived in a new sense of freedom and used the time to turn over so many leaves of discovery. I don't think I owed a minute of my life toward any sort of grace period. From the day he said 'bye', I did everything for me. I was done living for someone else that didn't want to live for me or help me out. I deserved that much. And I found it, and I couldn't be happier for all the tears I had to wipe away in the past to be honest.
I just don't think it should make me seem like I didn't value the relationship before this as much as I said I did. I did. I didn't end that relationship, but I have confidance that - sooner or later - the relationship was not going to work out. I know that there were troubles that were unforeseeable due to the trauma I suffered from the fire that loomed around for the entire time we spent together, but now that I know the bliss of having a chance occurrence with someone I connect with totally, holistically, entirely, whatever you want to say... I guess I can agree with him now that things just weren't right. I can think of him and wish for sunshine in his life, but things played out much differently than what I thought when the smoke was clouding everything. It is what it is.
So, that's where I stand. I am happy, I am excited, and I am proud of myself for the way things have played out thus far. I do wish that I could see Clay more often, but I am very thankful for our techno-savvyness. And luckily, he's not too into the 'controlling' thing like some people in my past have been, so he doesn't need his Power On and Power Off and volume controls too much ;)
Like I do every night, I'll be thanking God for the answered prayers, as well as the unanswered. There is a blessing in disguise everywhere... I've just learned that you have to stop forcing the search and to keep your heart open no matter how vulnerable it may be... He really does work in mysterious ways!
peace and love
baily
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