goodbye, home

Yesterday, I had one of the most fun lunches with a roommate I've grown to adore.

Today, I'm packing up my room.

Tomorrow, my roommate and I move out of the house that has held two years of both ordinary and extraordinary experiences.

So many emotions are flowing in and out of me and all around me.

It's a very odd feeling to move away from a place you love.

Yes, love.

At our fun lunch at Panera Bread yesterday, E and I were talking about how much

F U N

we have had in our little white-framed college cottage.

It's hard to not love the house that sits in the shadow of Bryant-Denny Stadium, right across the street from JD's Food Mart - the infamous 'T-town' beer supplier. Even though there were times that HATE wasn't even a strong enough word to describe my feelings about this house of ours with the crimson-colored porch. But each and everytime any of us got over-whelmed with the cramped lifestyle of typical college living, we would go out on that front porch to sit underneath the strand of retro bulb lights and watch the good life happen.

On Thursdays, it wasn't out of the ordinary to see neighbors and friends out in the streets playing corn-hole, drinking light beer, and grilling-out before th massive congregation of tipsy  twenty-something year olds would walk, like a school of fish, to 'The Strip' where more weekend's Eve  celebration took place.  In a big college town, the weekend starts on Thursdays - you Southern frat-daddy's and sorority Belle's know this.

On Fridays, my worn-in and hardly-new college cottage would be an open house to friends and family coming in for a football game weekend, a sorority parent's weekend, or a date-party or social function. On Saturdays, our crimson-colored front porch was our office where we did business and made our gameday spending money by converting our yard into a parking lot for a small handful of the 100,000 people that come to 'Titletown' on Saturday's in the Fall. And on Sunday, my beloved little college-dwelling would set the scene for a random bunch of people and activities - like girl-fights over the laundry, papers and people sprawled out across the floor in a study group, dogs running up and down the stairs, pretty much just anything that resembles a scene from the movie 'Cheaper By The Dozen', no lie.

Even though the weekends here were always fun, the Mondays & Tuesdays & Wednesdays always held just as memorable experiences. I can honestly say, if there was a fly on the wall watching everything go down this entire time, then I'm probably happier than anyone in the world that houseflies can't talk - or they'd have some pretty mean blackmail on us all.

When I moved into 1008 exactly two years ago, I was not the girl that I am today.

I was heart-broken over a boy that I willingly gave my whole entire heart to; I was dating a great guy - but a pretty significant number of years separated us in age and caused us to split shortly after move-in; I had no relationship with any of my threeroommates; and my very best friend lived two streets away which made for a very convenient "escape route."

I didn't know much about myself when I first moved in.

I decorated my room in crimson, taupe, and black.

I loved music, but I hardly felt the emotional attachment to it that I feel now.

I had 9 credit hours worth of Human Development classes under my belt, but I wasn't officially able to transfer my Major/Minor yet so I was technically still a Journalism major and a Public Relations minor. I was a part-time 'nanny' and I was still very much a part of the Duckworth family's life on the days I was working.

I was fragile, the summer before I moved in was a series of ups and downs. The break=up, a car accident, my sister's wedding, a 28 year old boyfriend, and a big uncertainty on who my true friends were. But just like everything else in life, time did it's thing. It healed my wounds and it gave me friends, but also took from me friends. The time I lived here was about learning lessons too often the hard way; it was about my quest for self-discovery; and it was a time to let go of who I was and become who I wanted to be.

What other two years in my lifespan will prove to be as critical and defining as these past two? I have no idea! It just seems that, for a girl like me, the beauty in life that shows itself in the 20th, 21st, and 22nd years is different than the beauty we unfold at other times in life.

While I've lived in this house, I grew more understanding of the difference between love and infatuation. I became more independent and saw more clearly the friendships that I could be dependent on when and if life got hard. I started my sports' blog, I started this blog, I pulled all-nighters writing program proposals, and I spent many nights sleeping with my glasses on, a pencil in my hair, and covered up in class notes instead of a blanket.

These two years have given me some of the best friends I could ever ask for.

Elena is one of the most special people in my life.

Jackie, too.

And I'm pretty sure my first-senior-year wouldn't have been as climatic without the funny, crazy, wild, compassionate, and absolutely looney stories that E and I have of living with the twinkies. Between the four of us, not a dull moment passed by behind the red front door of Oak Avenue.

Speaking of my first-senior-year (because I have a couple, so what!?), that was the year that Pappas coined the phrase

T H E

C R A Z Y

H O U S E

 T H A T

 N E V E R

S L E E P S

which later became the undeniable truth

as well as our house's nickname amongst friends.

But seriously, I saw that soulfriend of mine last night and we were joking about all the, as he likes to say "crazy shit"  that went down in this house.

Like the WWE-style fights between emotionally disturbed college girls.

And the insane amounts of candy, Icee's, and party favors brought in from JD's.

And the way we spent our gameday parking ca$h money on kegs, pedicures, cover charges, and drinking citations. I've celebrated my 21st and 22nd birthdays in this house, and I have gone through a couple phases of the ups and downs of break-ups.

You want to know a fact that we found super cool last night, too?

I've never come back to this house after a home football game, E V E R being defeated.

NOW DO YOU SEE WHY I DON'T WANT TO MOVE OUT OF THIS PLACE YET?

Do you realize that that means I lived a stone's throw distance from Bryant-Denny Stadium a.k.a.

the greatest place on earth

during two years of Bama Football that will be storied forever?

I won an SEC Championship here.

I won a BCS National Title here, too.

Oh yeah, and I watched North Carolina win the Final Four in this house as well.

A lot can happen in two years.

People come in and out your life, some relationships and friendships even have enough time in two years to go full circle, and then again. Hearts break, love prevails, friends pour salt on your wounds, and unexpected strangers morph into best friends when you realize two years later that you couldn't have done it without them. Cousins are born, friends marry, lovers move away, your favorite teacher gets fired, you raise a puppy who becomes your best friend, and you dance to a song that melodies both hope and hopelessness and both strength and fear. Two years may just be a small slice of the pie, but it holds just as much sweetness as the bigger pieces. I guess that's why I'm glad I savored it, I watched my life happen and I journaled those things. I lost many a days recordings in those journals, but I do have the best and worst memories of these past two years. And I also have the knowledge that

Baily Jordan Jones

wouldn't be the girl she is today without the happenings of the two recent years behind me.

Of course, 1008 Oak Ave, would be

 t h e

C r A z Y

h O u S e

t h a t

N E V E R

s l e e p s

and so of all the houses around here, our 5BR/3BA white house with a red porch and black shutters is the only appropriate choice for a HOUSE-FIRE.

Really!?!  Throw me a frickin' bone here!!!

But, we made it through the best of times and the worst of times, and that's because - no matter what I say, this I do solemnly vow - we had a lot to be grateful for because

1008

gave us a nest and a place to call home when we were miles from the real deal, and it set the stage for where two very important, very wild, and very cherished years of our lives took place.

So as I pack up my things and kiss this room good-bye,

I must say that I will miss this place dearly.

I also must admit in advance that I will come back to this neck of the woods when

I visit Tuscaloosa for football games and will feel jealous of the four or five

crazy, looney, best friends that will be out there in the front yard of this place selling parking spaces - I'll probably be one of those crazy, middle-aged women who will

insist on a season-long promise of a parking spot actually.

I'll tell my husband and children all the stories that went down in this place and giggle inside knowing that no one can appreciate 1008 Oak Avenue for what it's worth unless you were one of the special few that resided in this cozy little college house off of Bryant Drive.

And I'll hopefully re-tell these stories for years and years..

because it's not the H O U S E that makes these past two years so wildly memorable.

It's the F R I E N D S that were here when shit got crazy, the friends that were here when we'd throw-down on a killer house party, and the friends that were here when I needed those nights on the porch, underneath the redneck riveria Christmas lights, and talked to me about 

L I F E

and

L O V E

and filling this entire little college house with so much

L A U G H T E R

So thank you to all my wonderful roomies and gypsy friends that came in and out and got to enjoy this wild and crazy ride with us at

1008 Oak Avenue

I love you

and to the fire that tried to take me out of here before I was ready to go on my own

YOU CAN'T TAKE THESE MEMORIES I HAVE THAT KEEP ME SMILING

peace and love

baily

Don't you think it's going to be weird to hear me write about a place that isn't 1008?

Y'all had to hear me moan about it being a firezone and I know I've vented SEVERAL dozen times on here about how crazy it is to live with a bunch of girls like me.

But hey, at least we make for good stories to be retold

 I'm 

i know it's a GOOD tweet when i receive it from @littleashrn

@bailyjones you must read this... tweet tweet!

The great love of my life marries today and I am not the groom.

I had my chance, a few years ago, but did not realize until too late how fleeting my moment with her was meant to be. Whether it was my fault or her's, and let's face it, it was probably mine, I will wonder always about the life I might have had with the most loving and loveable woman I have ever known. Sometimes, I finally now understand, love - even crazy love, is not enough. Sometimes, as the romance novelists know, timing is everything. But today is not a day for remorse. It is not a day for lost causes. Today is a day for celebration. The woman I once promised to keep happy  is happy. She tells me she is marrying a wonderful man, with a good heart, whom she believes I would have liked had we met in different circumstances.

She lives where she wants to live. She has selected her life's path. All that is left for me to do is to wish her well and to hope that she has made the right choice; that she continues to find in him what she did not find in me. And I am sure he considers himself today the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. The present I humbly send her today is this column; this public note; this irrevocable display of affection and support and gratitude; this worldly absolution from any guilt or sadness she felt between the time she said no to me and the time she said yes to him. No one ought to have to carry that with them into a marriage. I showered her with as much love as I  could muster when we were together. I still love her and always will. So I am only too happy to offer my toast to her now, one more time, before she takes her vows.

I want to thank her, mostly, from rescuing me from hopelessness. When we met, back in the Spring of 2005, I ws nearly 40 and had been dating off and on for two years following an unexpected divorce. I had lost faith in relationships. I had given up on love. She arrived, unexpectedly, and showed me what was possible. She raised me up from the emotional dead. She drew out of me the poison of divorce and betrayal.

Eleven years younger but already more mature than me, she was dazzling, brilliant, funny, and sweet; she both gave and taught me patience and devotion and sacrifice. No woman before or since ever made me feel as desired, needed, beloved, and appreciated as she did. No one has yet made me want her more. Some men live their whole lives without this kind of love. At least I had it for one brief, shining moment.

I want to thank her for being so delightful with my son, who talks about her still, and to my parents, who couldn't believe their son's good fortune to have landed such a sweetheart. Until almost literally his dying day, my dad would ask me about her. Near the end, almost exactly two years ago, I did not have the heart to tell him that we had broken up. It gives me peace figuring that he died thinking she'd be in my life when he was gone.

And in a way I suppose she is. Rarely a day goes by when something in my life - the law, journalism, horses, celebrity gossip - doesn't make me think of her or what she'd think.

I want to thank her for - it's now such a cliche that I'm almost  embarrassed to write it - making me want to be a better man. She really did. It happens. She made me less judgmental and more open to new ideas. She gave me a confidence I had never felt before. She gave me incentive to reach out professionally into areas, I had not yet gone. I became more productive and back involved in the world. And, most important, I learned how to respond with love when so much love was offered to me. I learned how to trust but also how to show it. And in some way, virtually every friend, family member, and romance in my life since has benefited from the gifts of grace she gave so willingly to me.

I want to thank her for making me laugh, at her and myself, and for making me swoon whenever she walked into a room. I want to thank her for the advice she gave me, and for the soothing tone of her voice during times of trouble.

I want to thank her for completely changing my outlook on life. Before I met her, as a single father, I never would have considered having another child. Although it took more time than it should have. I came to realize through her love and devotion that there would be nothing more I would rather do in the world than have a child with her. How many poor souls go their whole lives without the heart-string pull of such emotions?

I want to thank her for giving my life's dream contours and a calculus. I want to live on a farm one day, a farm filled with horses and wireless connections where I can write. And now, thanks to her, I know exactly what I want and need in a partner who might just want to get there, too. That's just another gift she gave me; the gift of knowing what is possible in a relationship; of refusing to settle for mediocrity where it counts; and of taking the chance when something inside tells you it could be love.

I sound like a sap, I know. But it's no less true. No matter what my romantic future holds, I know there will be no retreat from the standards she has set. Like the song says, surely someone will one day dare to stand where she stood. I can't wait.

On her wedding day, I want to thank her for all those times she stuck up for me - with her friends, with her family, with her work colleagues. It could not have been easy, explaining to all  those cooler heads, why she was so devoted to an "old guy" who lived so far away. Yet she did it, even after she had decided that she would not throw down her lot with me.

That's the sort of character I'd like to instill in my son. It's the sort that we think is all around us but actually is rare. It is courage and self-confidence and the ability to see right from wrong. She displayed it every day, right down to the end.

Ours was a romance wihtout rancor; a love affair that ended in peace, not war.

I want to thank her for being such an inspiration. She did not give in or sell out or become one of those poor women of a certain age in New York who have put their careers ahead of their lives. When we met, she was living in New York but was not of New York; transplanted from the West Coast, she has not allowed herself to be seduced entirely by the City's charms. She took from Manhattan, like so many other beautiful women do, but she never gave to it her heart and soul. She was always rooted even among the rootless of her age and time. She knew she would one day leave the City, and she did, on her own terms. I admire her for that. I respect her for that. And I love her for it.

It wasn't too long after we met that I began imagining what our wedding day would be like. My second, her first. I nonetheless pictured her not taking it too seriously, laughing off the little crises that always pop up. I pictured her stunning in her dress and with that smile that would melt me. I pictured her having a vodka and soda to ease her nerves. I pictured us laughing a lot. I pictured myself at the end of the aisle. It was not to be. I've known that for years.

But that doesn't make the love any less real. So at last my wedding toast today is sincere: I wish the deepest and most profound love of my life a happy life, a good life, one in which she gives to and gets from the loved ones in her world the hope and the passion and the comfort and the support she always and so magically gave to me.

By: Andrew Cohen

I know - I'm in tears, too.

Not because I'm sad that I may never find this kind of love again because it's pretty clear that I will.  He describes her the way someone once talked so highly about me, so my tears are happy tears.

They are happier because there are many days ahead of me; happy tears because even if I'm never meant to find love like this again, I'm still able to be happy and grateful for experiencing the fulfillment out of life thatonly love this profound can bring; and I can look at the days ahead with inspiration from these happy tears, as well, because I'm aware that there is a good life out there - maybe a soulmate comes back and maybe I haven't met him yet - but I do know that in order to have the good life, you've got to make it the good life.

That's why I can say this with an honest heart: when you've been loved in the same kind of way that the columnist depicts in that up there, you're inspired to continue making yourself a better person. And you know how good it feels to be loved, and loved crazily, so you are anxious to show the world that you yourself can give that kind of love.

But you also don't want to let go of what was, so you spend a lot of time praying for a sign of hope, and you find yourself typing a text message to him just to delete it before you send it - and you know that's going to happen everytime you open up a blank text message, and you look - constantly - for answers and assurance from yourself,  God, and everyone around you.

It's hard to let go of what was and look ahead at what's to come.

That's what I don't understand.

I already know that I'm a wheeler and dealer at making life happen in the fun and adventuresome way when I inspire myself to care only about me, myself and I.

I'm also aware that when I get on that full-forced throttle, I literally only care about me, myself, and I, except I remember how important it is to slow down and realize that no matter how great life is going at work, school, social groups, what have you -

it's just not worth a thing if you don't get to share the journey with that person you find

absolultely amazing.

So I guess I'm still stuck here, in the twilight zone of course, on my praying knees, looking for answers, listening to Tom Petty and The Beatles, and taking care of the responsibilities in my own life.

It's a good feeling to know that I didn't lose sight of myself in this crazy school semester and I didn't let my spirit and will burn down into ashes with all those things so sentimental to me. Because even though I've been wearing my heart on my sleeve and I've put my feelings completely out there, I am able to go on with my day to day as I try to reveal to myself a little bit more of whats to come. Is it me? Is it us? Is it me and someone else? Is it him and someone else? Is it friendship? Is it true love? Is it infatuation? Is it circular, where it never ends? Or is it linear, with a start and a very blunt end?

I guess it's pretty comforting to know that GOD has it all in his plan, and He knows how this all ends for me. And even though I still have so many questions about these certain "hard times" like fires and stress and breakups... I do know that He is going to reward me for being such a soldier through it all. I have seen Him do so much work in my life already (mysteriously, of course).

When I lay my head down at night to thank Him for all that He has given and taketh away, I also express my gratitude for the comfort of knowing that He has recognized how strong I've been and how graceful I've been at taking His tests. Even though I've given some people room to doubt my strength, independence, and ambition, I am reminded daily that it is not only seen but admired by so many other people.

So thank you to the people who have sent me messges telling me they enjoy my writing and enjoy my honesty, inspiration, and creativity - whether they are talking about my blog, my doodles and letters I send to friends, my journals, or my infamous quotes on facebook.

Remember when Carrie Bradshaw asked us this, "When it comes to love, why do we only believe our worst reviews?" Well, thanks to so many wonderful people, I'm reminded of just how good I can be and how much difference I can make if I utilize the talents, passions, and resources for a successful life that the Lord has SO LOVINGLY blessed me with.

I love you all.

And you, well - I'll always love you, you know that.

Tweet Tweet,

 Baily

blogger award

guess what?

I have been  given a BLOGGER AWARD and I'm so excited about it.

It comes from my friend Becca over at Life in Technicolor!!

 
I absolutely love reading her blog, and she is always so full of surprises.  We have so much in common: she's a wildflower, Beatles loving, record collecting, whimsical type person that didn't surprise me when I found out she was a artsy editor slash journalist. Those that know me are aware of my 'old self', the Erin Andrews obsessed aspiring sports journalist. As my dreams changed from being a sideline reporter to now a special needs advocate, I still have my whimsy in blog-world and write my nonsense stories and quotes and Carrie Bradshaw analysis of my life... and I get to meet cool people like BECCA who keeps me entertained with her own adventuresome journey! Check her out, she's quite intriguing - for instance: she met this great guy one day and hit it off, and 61 days later they ELOPED and are married and living happily!! How cool you know? And guess what she surprised us with when she made her list of 15 FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF that we must do for being given the BLOGGER AWARD. She spills the beans on this: she's probably going to be reading the good ole' WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOUR EXPECTING book. omg - I know, right?? I'm so excited and can't wait to read all about her adventures from here on out - she makes me excited about looking at my GoogleReader... visit her blog, you'll dig it - I promise!!

SO HERE'S WHAT I MUST DO:

1. thank the person that gave me this award

thank you becca

i bragged all about you up there, so you obviously know i dig ya!

keep up the creativity because your readers love it

and never lose your zest, there is a word for people like you and that's: special

and continue to be faithful, your love for God is your best quality and you inspire people to be more stewardly.... and you and Caleb are a wonderful, Christian couple and I have a strong belief that God will do

G R E A T   T H I N G S

for you as you start a loving FAMILY!

thanks for sharing your journey with us here in bLoGwOrLd

you are SO fun! :)

2. share seven things about myself

(or in alabama, we like to say 'saban' for 7)

1. I have six fake teeth. I busted my face into the sidewalk when I was in 2nd grade because a really cool girl I like to call Sissy told me that it was SO fun to rollerblade and have our dog, the boxer Macy (about Millie's age!) pull me. It all happened really fast but I just remember these things: I had on one Hanes sock and one Adidas sock; the rollerblades were black, lime green, and purple; Mom was shopping and Dad was golfing and Pash (what I call my Sissy, Ashley) and I were being watched by a baby-sitter. I swallowed my teeth and I remember the very exact moment that I did it. My mouth hurt way to much to open it as wide as I would have had to in order for someone to reach in there and get them. I didn't realize until about two years later when I resembled 'Bubba' from FORREST GUMP complete with bonded chicklet teeth, swollen gums, an expander, spacers, and a mean-looking lip bumper did I realize how much easier, and how much less pain it probably would have been if I would have just sucked it up and told Sissy, the freaked out baby-sitter who thought her life was over, and my neighbors that I had the teeth in my mouth. I'm sure someone was out there where the sidewalk met with the driveway and grass looking for the remnants of my teeth. Sorry dudes, today isn't your lucky day, I remember thinking - and then 1... 2... 3... gulp.

GAME OVER: since, my life  has been lived in a dentist chair.

2. If I had it my way, I'd wear COWBOY BOOTS 365 days a year! The leather of a boot is my most favorite textile IN THE WORLD! I love my boots and I don't know what I would do without them. I went through a painful separation from them, post-fire, and I cried (no lie) the day I got them back and slipped them onto my little "peets" that missed them SO DAMN MUCH. The secrets that me and those COWBOY BOOTS have between the two of us are what makes my inner-devil chuckle.

We've been places, we've seen things, we've lived a funny life together!

treasures, on the real

3. I just discovered my undying LOVE for i.c.e. c.r.e.a.m.

you scream, i scream, we all scream for ice cream

flava of the week: chocolate banana

flava on the reg: ben and jerry's cherry garcia or chunky monkey

newfound lovecrush: hot fudge on top - Oh Em Gee!

4. never have i ever

...watched true blood

...read twilight or anything sequeling it

...seen twilight or any of the other obsessed-over movies in the 'saga'

...read harry potter or the sequels

...seen harry potter or the sequels

...had to much of an imagination with wizards or vampires

5. I am Tar Heel born, and Tar Heel bred, but when I die I'll be a Crimson Tide dead.

and damn it if I don't have it made in the sport's success & tradition departments

6. I feel the best about my body

 RIGHT NOW

 than I ever have before.

I can't lie, it feels good to not be super self-conscious. I realized if I ate healthier, worked out more, and ate a more regular diet so that my weight can stay consistent, then I would have a clearer conscious about doing better things for my body, and it works - and a good conscious is DEFINITELY the conscious to have in order to keep a healthy self-esteem and a balance with your well-being. If you're confident, you're sexy... and you know MY MOTTO has always been....

rock what you've got

7. I want to write a book one day.

I just want to

live a good life, have many adventures, and learn many lessons

so that I will have something to write about.

Carpe Diem, to that!

3. Pass the award to some of my favorite lovely bloggers

 whom I find, simply, amazing.

it's supposed to be to 15 people, but i'm short on time, darlin's.

Ashley @ Moonpies and Fireflies

click here.

Heather @ A Beautiful Life

click here.

Mary Frances @ Almost Home

click here.

Brittany Fuson @ Brittany Fuson Stationary

click here.

Amanda @ Imperfectly Beautiful

click here.

Lindsey @ Just A Little Girl, Lost In The Moment

click here.

Jane @ Moonflowers, Mojitos, and Me

click here.

peace and love

☮

baily

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

inspiredroom

Who gets to determine where the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on the calendar, not a birthday, not a New Year. It is an event. Big or small. Something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits. Old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap area a few things really worth holding on to. -Meredith Grey

inspiration:

spread the love wednesdays

"Does anybody really know when it's right? And how do you know - are there signs? Fireworks? Is it right when it feels comfortable or is comfortable a sign that there's no fireworks?
Is hesitation a sign that it's not right, or is it a sign that you're not ready? In matters of love how do you know when it's right?" -Carrie Bradshaw

As a recent journal prompt, I was to write a letter to my 'past self' or my 'future self.' I chose to write to me in the past... I found it therapeutic in all sorts of ways, you should try it. I'm also not afraid to admit what I wrote myself, and after a recent big change in my life, I think it would be good for me to write it on here so I have it (because i never know when a fire might take it from me again).
Right now, my heart is broken. I gave myself a chance at big-girl-type love and it wasn't meant to happen right now. I thought I had received my reward for all of the times that had jaded me. I loved hard and I'm ready for that type of thing, but my heart can't deal with doubts and second-guessing. I know I will be fine, I have been in this boat before and I know how it goes. I always come out of situations like this stronger and more fabulous than I was before. And God has a wonderful life in store for me.
I wrote this letter to myself last week. Last week, the 'present self' was in a loving relationship with the person who showed many signs of being my soulmate. Now, I wish I could write a letter to that Baily and warn her that she should have kept her wall up and she should make sure someone'es there to catch her when she falls down in life or falls into this thing called love. But this is the letter I wrote, I wonder what all would change if I ripped it up and re-wrote it...... maybe that can be my next therapy session!

Dear Past Baily,

You may have figured this out by now but, life is hard.  You're going to want to quit and give up on things in life from time to time but you never will - you will ALWAYS bounce back from your pitfalls and you'll look back one day with self-admiration.
You really need to quit sweating the small stuff because it will eventually get the best of you. Keep your faith strong and your friends close and don't ever have enemies to worry about.
Love peace and be peaceful in love. Realize you have a soulmate and cherish your days with a guy you'll meet at your UA freshmen orientation, Chace Spears, because the story with him ends up pretty cool.
Never lose your love for the children in the world and always strive to be an advocate for a better world for them in all that you do.
No matter how dark your world may get at times, just hold on tight and never let your light go out. In all you do in life, in all the dreams you conquer, always do it for the glory and honor of the Lord, do it out of love for the people you love, and do it with that little light of yours that burns with passion. Your passion will  always be your driving force because to you, that's what LIFE IS - passion! It's all about doing what you are passionate about and being passionate in the way you do it. Your passion, you'll come to find out, is to give equality to children with special needs... One thing you will come to find out later in life when you're 20 years old is that you believe, whole-heartedly, that all children have a very special need and that is LOVE and SECURITY and a SAFE LIFE. You'll learn that you are passionate in your beliefs and they will carry you very far in life.
Just don't forget to acknowledge that even though you may go far in life, you have to go through all the BAD PARTS too. But just remember that the most difficult and trying times are the ones you always get through with such tenacity and newfound zest for life. So never, never, never give up. Remember that LIFE ABOUT THE JOURNEY, NOT THE DESTINATION. Find ambition and inspiration in knowing that the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are usually the ones that do. Gain strength from the understanding that God will NEVER give you more than you can bear, so we must trust in him, even when we wish he didn't trust in us with so much. Since this is a letter to the Baily I consider the Baily from the past, I oughta forewarn you that you'll experience those dreadful attacks that suck the breath out of you at an earlier age than you'll want them. It'll always be hard to talk about those 'transition years' when you were turning into a young lady and not a little girl anymore and having to deal with Daddy's diagnosis along with it. The cancer diagnosis changed the lives of the JONESES' and you'll understand that I mean that in a good way. We put our trust in our ultimate provider and most miraculous healer, and He blessed us. I know I live my present life because of the miracle we were all part of when our hero beat the disease. You'll see how strong it'll always make you, each time a trying time will enter your life you will always remember the gentle words of a loving father and the way it sounds each time he tells it, "don't you give up, if you know one lesson of mine it's that we don't give up, I know it's hard - look at what I've gone through - but it's worth it in the end to keep pushing yourself"....
But the strength you find in the hardest times when life just seems to "happen" to you is that you'll notice carries you through. It's a very entertaining ride thus far, but seriously... hang on tight, never doubt the loyalty of your Sissy - she'll always be there, apologize for taking for granted the sacrifices Momma & Daddy make all along the way so that you are always stylin', and never forget to take the time to record/doodle/express in music and arts (your journals you'll obsess over for years) -> and don't dismiss this vital part of your life just because you know a fire is going to take all that you love. You still need to vent all these emotion we juggle throughout our life journey. Sometimes so many emotions happen to us once we don't really know what to think anymore so we're numb and immobile. But this too shall pass.
You will come to realize one day, and it'll be a good day because of it, that your troubles do not define you! And you can bet your ass they never will as long as you have a say in the way our show goes.
And Ohhh, yeah.....
You also oughta know that you'll FINALLY get a new beginning after the fire. You're actually gonna realize how BIG of a BLESSING IN DISGUISE it all turns out to be. Lots of sad times will occupy your journals in the young twenty something's, so maybe losing it to the fire that reshaped and redirected (tremendously) the life we were really not consistently diggin' was a good thing because those are the times in the Baily life span that needed a FRESH START and need not be dwelled upon again. Anyways, I just want to say that life is all about the ride, the journey, and the destination is ours to perceive while here on this earth. When God calls our free-bird spirit to heaven that will be the ultimate destination for eternity - but that home-coming we have no control over. So what we do have control over is our journey and most importantly WHAT WE MAKE OF IT!!! So live, be gypsyesque. Experience the things while not forgetting our roots, our buddies, our family, and our passions! Look always at the door that opens, and NOT the door that closed... promise us that! Never lose sight of the belief that family is the most important thing in your life other than your strong faith in the Holy Spirit. Always find peace in your times of trouble, be it through good music or great friends or the other amazing things in your life.
One day when you are a twenty-something year old, lover of Tom Petty and vinyl records, and your 'The 'Other' Sister' blog, you'll go through one of the toughest days of your life. On APRIL 13, 2010 your cute little college home off of Bear Bryant Drive will burn in a fire and all that you own and love will be forever tarnished but majority of it will be forever lost and brutally stripped away from you. Right when you begin to gain understanding of yourself, which is your overall quest of self-discovery, you are going to PAINFULLY plucked from the life that was finally beginning to show a little fulfillment compared to the curvy, empty phases of the past years. But that's why you are going to see how you were able to get through the difficult times. The people that were there in your life during this forever life-changing event, are people that you will realize are true friends and the most ridiculously groovy souls you'll ever know. You'll come to realize that a lot of good people are on this earth and it can boggle you for days how on earth you were blessed with so many of the world's greatest people. You'll later be able to find joy in knowing that so many wonderful people showered you with love when, sadly enough, alot of people that you love with rare parts of your heart will be exactly the ones that walk out when you so badly need to cry out for their help (w.p.)... Those friends that connected with you on the most strangely comforting levels, all the ones that don't wish to be your 'bridge over troubled water'... no matter how many jam-bands and folk songs you listen to, you realize that the incredibly soothing feeling you have always gotten when seeking comfort in your music doesn't do justice the comfort you found in late-night chats and mid-night grilled cheese sandwiches, and Chinese food, and sushi dinners. Only so many times can you enjoy your ever -so-famously-known favorite song, Me and Bobby McGee, with a smile until you want to scream "Piece Of My Heart" and start the process of putting together all the jumbled up reasons of why it had to lose my best soul-buddy and biggest encourager right when I did. I know that your friendships will come and go at the coming and going of all the stages in your life-span, but eventually you will learn that there are CERTAIN PEOPLE that you meet on the journey that you wished would have stuck around a little longer than they end up staying. But, you'll also come to know really REALLY well that LIFE DOES, IN FACT, GO ON...
So hold on to your self-standards, and never second-guess the beliefs you have in YOURSELF because I can tell you right now it's going to be a BUMPY RIDE. But, I can also tell you right now that now matter what kind of HELL the life of a twenty-something year old is certainly CONQUERABLE if you NEVER LOSE YOUR DRIVE, never let your passion fade or fail to SHINE BRIGHTEST in your life, never lose your FAITH, and always LIVE LIFE OUT OF LOVE.
I have no idea what's in store for us from here on out, but I can gaurantee that no matter how hard it may get, it'll eventually come to reveal that it was all worth it. And trust me when I tell you all that great stuff about the EARTHLY ANGELS that offer unconditional love to you that, at the end of the day, make life worth it (family, true friends, Chaceface, Sissy, and Millie). Like the loving and wonderful relationship that you find the ultimate happiness in at the time of the fire that burned a little bit of your very bubbly spirit! You'll be amazed at how perfect two people can be together when you find yourself - well you're "future self" - experiencing the things our "current self" is witnessing in the present time I'm writing this letter (July 13)
You'll find a love for releasing your emotions, both highs and lows, through channeling your inner art-lover through journals like the one I'm writing this letter to my "past self" in.
But never let anyone tell you that MIRACLES don't happen because you know FIRST-HAND and DAMN WELL that THEY DO!
And be patient and peaceful in love. Never let anyone or anything define you or stand in your way. Take the time to tell the people you appreciate what it is that you appreciate. Sometimes it means the most when you tell someone why they are SO special... I've grown to know this by having this sort of love from some as well as by knowing the pain from the lack of this love by others. And remember that just like 'Me and Bobby McGee' says...
somewhere up near salinas, oh lord, i let him slip away,
he's looking for that home and i hope he finds it
but i'd trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday
Some people are meant to come and go (w.p.), some are meant to stay forever (??), and others that leave that special mark on our hearts (c.s.).
In both of these Bobby McGee's that you meet in college, love hard, and learn about life from are the rare gems in life and you'll understand that even though some have endings and some have futures you are a better person for knowing both of these people and for being loved by them.
I can tell you that watching distance pull at a very unique bond and strong bond into such a thin acquaintanceship is aching tothe heart but always knowing that those bonds don't come in unending supply will always be something that "past" "present" and "future" Baily will struggle with at all stages in life. But, keep on believeing, appreciate the ones that DO love you and are here for you NOW, and NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, GIVE UP!!!!!!!  Peace and Love, B

There is mention of a friend (w.p.) who is someone that was a very good friend throughout a very uncertain time in my life. I don't blog about him, so just re-stating that in case it caught anyone off guard.

Weird how so many things that I am struggling wtih today, as I pick up the pieces and move on, were addressed to myself in this letter. It's almost like the current me was not just warning the past me, but preparing the future me for a painful and blunt force to the heart I was about to take. But, as I just told me, myself, and I up there in that letter.. LIFE GOES ON. I will be STRONGER, more FABULOUS, and ready to take on the world whether I have to do it alone or not.