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The great love of my life marries today and I am not the groom.

I had my chance, a few years ago, but did not realize until too late how fleeting my moment with her was meant to be. Whether it was my fault or her's, and let's face it, it was probably mine, I will wonder always about the life I might have had with the most loving and loveable woman I have ever known. Sometimes, I finally now understand, love - even crazy love, is not enough. Sometimes, as the romance novelists know, timing is everything. But today is not a day for remorse. It is not a day for lost causes. Today is a day for celebration. The woman I once promised to keep happy  is happy. She tells me she is marrying a wonderful man, with a good heart, whom she believes I would have liked had we met in different circumstances.

She lives where she wants to live. She has selected her life's path. All that is left for me to do is to wish her well and to hope that she has made the right choice; that she continues to find in him what she did not find in me. And I am sure he considers himself today the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. The present I humbly send her today is this column; this public note; this irrevocable display of affection and support and gratitude; this worldly absolution from any guilt or sadness she felt between the time she said no to me and the time she said yes to him. No one ought to have to carry that with them into a marriage. I showered her with as much love as I  could muster when we were together. I still love her and always will. So I am only too happy to offer my toast to her now, one more time, before she takes her vows.

I want to thank her, mostly, from rescuing me from hopelessness. When we met, back in the Spring of 2005, I ws nearly 40 and had been dating off and on for two years following an unexpected divorce. I had lost faith in relationships. I had given up on love. She arrived, unexpectedly, and showed me what was possible. She raised me up from the emotional dead. She drew out of me the poison of divorce and betrayal.

Eleven years younger but already more mature than me, she was dazzling, brilliant, funny, and sweet; she both gave and taught me patience and devotion and sacrifice. No woman before or since ever made me feel as desired, needed, beloved, and appreciated as she did. No one has yet made me want her more. Some men live their whole lives without this kind of love. At least I had it for one brief, shining moment.

I want to thank her for being so delightful with my son, who talks about her still, and to my parents, who couldn't believe their son's good fortune to have landed such a sweetheart. Until almost literally his dying day, my dad would ask me about her. Near the end, almost exactly two years ago, I did not have the heart to tell him that we had broken up. It gives me peace figuring that he died thinking she'd be in my life when he was gone.

And in a way I suppose she is. Rarely a day goes by when something in my life - the law, journalism, horses, celebrity gossip - doesn't make me think of her or what she'd think.

I want to thank her for - it's now such a cliche that I'm almost  embarrassed to write it - making me want to be a better man. She really did. It happens. She made me less judgmental and more open to new ideas. She gave me a confidence I had never felt before. She gave me incentive to reach out professionally into areas, I had not yet gone. I became more productive and back involved in the world. And, most important, I learned how to respond with love when so much love was offered to me. I learned how to trust but also how to show it. And in some way, virtually every friend, family member, and romance in my life since has benefited from the gifts of grace she gave so willingly to me.

I want to thank her for making me laugh, at her and myself, and for making me swoon whenever she walked into a room. I want to thank her for the advice she gave me, and for the soothing tone of her voice during times of trouble.

I want to thank her for completely changing my outlook on life. Before I met her, as a single father, I never would have considered having another child. Although it took more time than it should have. I came to realize through her love and devotion that there would be nothing more I would rather do in the world than have a child with her. How many poor souls go their whole lives without the heart-string pull of such emotions?

I want to thank her for giving my life's dream contours and a calculus. I want to live on a farm one day, a farm filled with horses and wireless connections where I can write. And now, thanks to her, I know exactly what I want and need in a partner who might just want to get there, too. That's just another gift she gave me; the gift of knowing what is possible in a relationship; of refusing to settle for mediocrity where it counts; and of taking the chance when something inside tells you it could be love.

I sound like a sap, I know. But it's no less true. No matter what my romantic future holds, I know there will be no retreat from the standards she has set. Like the song says, surely someone will one day dare to stand where she stood. I can't wait.

On her wedding day, I want to thank her for all those times she stuck up for me - with her friends, with her family, with her work colleagues. It could not have been easy, explaining to all  those cooler heads, why she was so devoted to an "old guy" who lived so far away. Yet she did it, even after she had decided that she would not throw down her lot with me.

That's the sort of character I'd like to instill in my son. It's the sort that we think is all around us but actually is rare. It is courage and self-confidence and the ability to see right from wrong. She displayed it every day, right down to the end.

Ours was a romance wihtout rancor; a love affair that ended in peace, not war.

I want to thank her for being such an inspiration. She did not give in or sell out or become one of those poor women of a certain age in New York who have put their careers ahead of their lives. When we met, she was living in New York but was not of New York; transplanted from the West Coast, she has not allowed herself to be seduced entirely by the City's charms. She took from Manhattan, like so many other beautiful women do, but she never gave to it her heart and soul. She was always rooted even among the rootless of her age and time. She knew she would one day leave the City, and she did, on her own terms. I admire her for that. I respect her for that. And I love her for it.

It wasn't too long after we met that I began imagining what our wedding day would be like. My second, her first. I nonetheless pictured her not taking it too seriously, laughing off the little crises that always pop up. I pictured her stunning in her dress and with that smile that would melt me. I pictured her having a vodka and soda to ease her nerves. I pictured us laughing a lot. I pictured myself at the end of the aisle. It was not to be. I've known that for years.

But that doesn't make the love any less real. So at last my wedding toast today is sincere: I wish the deepest and most profound love of my life a happy life, a good life, one in which she gives to and gets from the loved ones in her world the hope and the passion and the comfort and the support she always and so magically gave to me.

By: Andrew Cohen

I know - I'm in tears, too.

Not because I'm sad that I may never find this kind of love again because it's pretty clear that I will.  He describes her the way someone once talked so highly about me, so my tears are happy tears.

They are happier because there are many days ahead of me; happy tears because even if I'm never meant to find love like this again, I'm still able to be happy and grateful for experiencing the fulfillment out of life thatonly love this profound can bring; and I can look at the days ahead with inspiration from these happy tears, as well, because I'm aware that there is a good life out there - maybe a soulmate comes back and maybe I haven't met him yet - but I do know that in order to have the good life, you've got to make it the good life.

That's why I can say this with an honest heart: when you've been loved in the same kind of way that the columnist depicts in that up there, you're inspired to continue making yourself a better person. And you know how good it feels to be loved, and loved crazily, so you are anxious to show the world that you yourself can give that kind of love.

But you also don't want to let go of what was, so you spend a lot of time praying for a sign of hope, and you find yourself typing a text message to him just to delete it before you send it - and you know that's going to happen everytime you open up a blank text message, and you look - constantly - for answers and assurance from yourself,  God, and everyone around you.

It's hard to let go of what was and look ahead at what's to come.

That's what I don't understand.

I already know that I'm a wheeler and dealer at making life happen in the fun and adventuresome way when I inspire myself to care only about me, myself and I.

I'm also aware that when I get on that full-forced throttle, I literally only care about me, myself, and I, except I remember how important it is to slow down and realize that no matter how great life is going at work, school, social groups, what have you -

it's just not worth a thing if you don't get to share the journey with that person you find

absolultely amazing.

So I guess I'm still stuck here, in the twilight zone of course, on my praying knees, looking for answers, listening to Tom Petty and The Beatles, and taking care of the responsibilities in my own life.

It's a good feeling to know that I didn't lose sight of myself in this crazy school semester and I didn't let my spirit and will burn down into ashes with all those things so sentimental to me. Because even though I've been wearing my heart on my sleeve and I've put my feelings completely out there, I am able to go on with my day to day as I try to reveal to myself a little bit more of whats to come. Is it me? Is it us? Is it me and someone else? Is it him and someone else? Is it friendship? Is it true love? Is it infatuation? Is it circular, where it never ends? Or is it linear, with a start and a very blunt end?

I guess it's pretty comforting to know that GOD has it all in his plan, and He knows how this all ends for me. And even though I still have so many questions about these certain "hard times" like fires and stress and breakups... I do know that He is going to reward me for being such a soldier through it all. I have seen Him do so much work in my life already (mysteriously, of course).

When I lay my head down at night to thank Him for all that He has given and taketh away, I also express my gratitude for the comfort of knowing that He has recognized how strong I've been and how graceful I've been at taking His tests. Even though I've given some people room to doubt my strength, independence, and ambition, I am reminded daily that it is not only seen but admired by so many other people.

So thank you to the people who have sent me messges telling me they enjoy my writing and enjoy my honesty, inspiration, and creativity - whether they are talking about my blog, my doodles and letters I send to friends, my journals, or my infamous quotes on facebook.

Remember when Carrie Bradshaw asked us this, "When it comes to love, why do we only believe our worst reviews?" Well, thanks to so many wonderful people, I'm reminded of just how good I can be and how much difference I can make if I utilize the talents, passions, and resources for a successful life that the Lord has SO LOVINGLY blessed me with.

I love you all.

And you, well - I'll always love you, you know that.

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