Happy Birthday to...

The Boss...

Hope you rock out to some Springsteen this weekend.

I'll be spinning this vinyl in celebration of his 62nd Birthday.

Come on... you've gotta love Bruce!

peace & love

bjj

that long lost part of me

Sending this one to Charlotte...

peace & love

baily

i'm an acoustic ballerina

what a music-filled monday :) 



Enjoy this Van Morrison cover by Warren Haynes. Van Morrison's lyrics are so special to me :) I am a VM girl, indeed!


I got my new glasses today and I can see finally!!

And I got the Western-inspired fedora I've been eyeing lately...

a little retail therapy on a Monday never hurt anyone...

peace and love

baily

Tear Down The House

If the past year of my life could be a song....

Like, woah.

I'm lyrically & soulfully connected to these Carolina boys.

Peace & Love

Bai

...I'm a better woman for having gone thru it.

Everyone loves Adele

If you don't love Adele as much as I do...

NOW you do!

peace&love

baily

she's so soulful

and you know I love me some soul-sistas!

Hangout Music Festival 2011

I had a really great time at the Hangout Music Festival in Gulf Shores, Alabama this past weekend.  I left on Thursday afternoon and arrived 8 hours later in the beautiful Gulf-coast town.  The festival started on Friday and for 3 DAYS straight I boogied, grooved, and jammed.  It was awesome!!!

I got to see so many friends that I haven't seen since I moved home in December.  I had the opportunity to see 'LIVE' a whole bunch of awesome bands that I probably would have had a hard time getting to if they weren't all at this beachy fest!!! I ate lots of good food, got kissed by the sun, and spent my days jammin' out in a bikini and water-soaked bandana on my head.... it was HOOTTTTTT!!!!

My favorite shows were Widespread Panic, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Xavier Rudd, Madeski Martin & Wood, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals, Primus, The Black Keys, and PAUL SIMON (he was absolutely off the richter scale!).  We had 'church with Paul' on Sunday night to close out the weekend and let me tell you... it was epic.  He promised us he'd be back next year!

Who's coming with me!?!

Peace and Love

b a i l y

Oh yeah... and one night I got tagged by those crazy paint dancers!  It was like a game of "tag your it" with paint and I was one of the chosen ones! Holla?!? I don't know, I thought it was nifty.. It came right off in the shower (once I finally got to one) so it was no worries. And Jackie joined me in the fun and let me tag her after I was tagged. Oh, besties!

Her Dance Needs No Body

Her dance needs no body, no body at all.


She is both darkness and light.

I love when people send me music, and I especially love waking up to something like this on a Monday morning.  Knowing that someone thought of me when they heard this song, and it being my favs - Widespread Panic - makes me so darn happy and proud that my darker days AND shining moments have been influential and inspirational to others.  I love hearing about me inspiring others.  I love knowing that when music moves someone, they like to tell me about it because they know I've been moved and danced along to a musical journey throughout my battle with depression.  From cloud 9 to the flaming glimpses of hell I've gone through, music has been my constant therapy.  The Lord has been my bass player.  I have been the dancer.  And now I'm ready to be the singer.  I'm ready to take over and sing the song that the Lord wants me to and spread it to others. 

It is Spring and almost Summer...
and you know that means I'm in jam mode!
Go ahead and be prepared for music taking over this blog ;)

Peace Love and Music
Baily

zach deputy show. orlando, fl

Zach Deputy

at

The Plaza Live

The show was unbelievable.

My entire night was, actually. 

Groovy is an understatement when it comes to describing what fun I had and how much joy it brought me to reconnect with an old friend through music.  It is funny - the friendships that are born when two souls share the same respect for beatnik jams.  I don't know, maybe others don't see it in the same way that I do - but it's pretty beautiful.  Music just has a way of speaking to people - that is, if you are really listening.  That is something that I have come to learn in this ever-adventurous musical journey I have found myself on over the past few years.

Maybe that is why I have so much love for the friend that introduced me to this uniquely styled music.  He saw me hurting and in such pain and he knew that music could free me, so he made me listen to Widespread Panic and Phish until I just could not get enough of it.  I still can't... that's why it's so awesome that these bands JUST PLAY MUSIC.  Their song encyclopedias are endless... they could fill an entire iPod's memory space on their own I am sure - they live to play music and they play music to live.

I realized, in the deepest crevice of my depression, that I must have music to live.  

I'm one of those people who just comes to life when the music starts.  I can't sit down at a concert and when I am standing, I am definitely not standing still.  I am a wildflower dancer... a wiggler... a bouncer... a hip-swiveler... a jammer.

So last night, when I met up with an old friend who I reconnected with over our shared music interests, I was delighted to find out that he is a jam-head, too!  We did not stay still the entire night and were in disbelief at how anyone could stand there and not dance to Zach Deputy's stellar performance last night. 

Not sure what's up with my eyes!

It's that weird, theater show lighting! 

(Not the fact that I don't have a soul because truuuuust me, I've got some soul... and Zach Deputy brought it out of me last night!)

So I grooved out with some fellow ecclectics and had such a kick-ass time - and to be honest, I've had a little rhythm in my step all day... I just can't keep from feeling SO GOOD today after I danced all of my worries out last night.  They are gone - Good riddance, anxiety!

The show was also a good excuse to meet new people that shared similar taste in music to me.  I met up with Ryan and a couple of his buddies (one gave us free tickets to the show - score!) and I got to witness the tail end of their own little jam-session in the living room of a UCF student's home.  Even though I don't go/didn't go to UCF, I felt so comfortable and "normal" being on a beer-soaked hand-me-down couch, listening to guy-friends' electric and bass guitars and any other instrumentalists that feel like partaking in the "session."  It's college. 

A normal week-day night for the music lovin' college kid.

Jam a little, catch a live show, and talk about the festivals you plan on attending in the upcoming months.  And that is what we did.  It was perfect!!!

I hope these cool cats invite me along for more shows and living room jam sessions!

Oh yea, did I mention I love music?

You know you want to check out Zach Deputy's blog.

peace and love

bjj

Wednesday - a day in the life

My day, in a nutshell.

I didn't get good sleep last night, I had a funky sleepy pattern, and I was in a weird mood all day today.  I don't know, I was just having one of those days.

Even though I had a lot on my mind & heart today - I found a way to overcome it and find joy in my day.  I know that even though I suffer through my "funks" there are FAR MORE things going GOOD for me and I don't mean to always seem like down in the pits.  More times than not, I'm living a life full of happiness, love, and self-renewal.  I just sometimes get so hunkered down with the things that overwhelm me that it is hard to express the overall, and genuine, happiness that I feel.  Free.  Literally, everytime I feel "trapped" within the confining walls of depression and it's sometimes cruddy symptoms, I remember that I am HOME and that is all I need to find this authentic smile...

It is truly full of peace & love because nothing brings more of those things than being home!

Feels suuuuuper good.

And since I've had to experience the differences in families by living in a different place, dating different people with different family dynamics than I do (haha, somtimes really different) has allowed me to recognize how GRATEFUL I am for my family.

So as I drank my "morning Coca-Cola" I decided to sit down in in the after-noon sun and ponder some of the chaos that was going on in my head.  Yes, my "morning Coca-Cola" was not actually enjoyed this morning but rather this afternoon when I finally fought through the fatigue and climbed out of bed.  It was one of "those days" in the beginning.

But as I thought about the 'stuff' on my mind... I realized that I hadn't been expressing my love and adoration for my family in the way that I should have.  So, I made it my duty to address some of those things that needed to be and I feel better and more inspired to be a better daughter/friend/new-roomate with my parents.  It's been an over-all smooth adjustment moving back home, but I know I have thrown some curveballs and hit some pot-holes as well.  I'm just REALLY excited about Momma & I's breakfast date tomorrow :)

These are those palms in my front yard that I just love to photograph!

The sky was perfect today though... so this one may be getting printed and hung on the wall.

You know this gal loves that color turquoisey blue :)

I jammed to this...

Umm, she just really knows about life.

I hit up Sonic "happy hour" for a 96-cent Coca-Cola.

It was awesome.

It's right at the end of my street.... oh. no.

I delivered a surprise to a special (blog) friend!!!

Love you! 

And I love you!

Then I ate the most tastiest dinner (Southern style, of course) and topped it off with some super-amazing strawberry shortcake while I watched American Idol.

I, like, never watch American Idol but it was BEATLES night so I felt it was my duty.

But damn, J-Lo is so hot. I'm sorry, but I'm a bonified Florida chic and I think her elegant Latin edge is soooooo pretty! And she rocks that red lipstick like a Goddess...

Can you tell I'm a J-Lo fan? Ha.

Hope you had an awesome day, friends!!!

WHAT DID YOU DO??? 

PEACE AND LOVE

BAI

give some love to your girls' fav band....!!!!!

PHISH

Phish - Alpine Valley 2010 DVD - "Down With Disease > What's The Use" from Phish on Vimeo.

weekly recap

in one word or phrase:
all that i need now is in my soul

i'm dreaming of you:
no more aches & pains, holding baby Piper, and a love that is equally yoked in faith (my nana's best friend reminded me that I deserve that most!)

songs on repeat:
shinedown's tribute to lynyrd skynyrd's SIMPLE MAN
click here - you HAVE to see it....

and ben harper's "diamonds on the inside" which is pretty personally moving to me...  


gotta write it down:

"if i didn't define myself for myself, i would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." -audra lorde
i couldn't agree more with this right now. 

"everybody has difficult years, but a lot of times the difficult years end up being the greatest years of your entire life." -brittany murphy
rip. i seriously miss her. she was an actress i always felt connected to, personality-wise.  and for the record, i think of that as a good thing (in case there are any murph-haters out there!)

lesson learned:
God has someone AMAZING for me, He is just preparing our hearts for one another! :)

picture to frame:
my alma mater OVIEDO HIGH SCHOOL won the 6a state championship for girls soccer.  and if you know me - you know my heart belongs to that lady lion soccer program.  my sister was a 4-year varsity letterman and i was a 3-year varsity letterman in soccer.  i was proud to represent 'the jonesies' and see the program win it's first ever state title and become one of the state's most elite programs!! congrats girls and a special congratulations to COACH WAISANEN!!!

highlights of the week:
sun bathing in ft. lauderdale. cracking up at snooki on jersey shore last night. my dvr'ed collection of ELLEN. catching up on blogs!!!

weekend to do list:
birthday celebrations. catching up on blogs!!! haha. church. cleaning. organizing. and PLANNING! and if you know me, i ain't much of a planner! i'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl that believes in this quote hanging on my wall:

But I do get to plan some fun stuff like...a reunion with Elena, Taylor, Jackie, Brett, Whitney, McGoo, and other BAMA friends on the beauitful Gulf coast with some pretty groooovy artists in the lineup at the Hangout Music Fest!!!

check it out: hangoutmusicfest.com

"Music doesn't lie.
If there is something to be changed in this world,
then it can only happen through music."
-Jimi Hendrix

peace and love

baily

weekly recap inspired by
letters from coco

the miscellany

One.

I'm in love with this song right now...

Two.

Yesterday I went to First Baptist Orlando with my parents and Michelle and heard a great message on "fasting" and how we can grow closer to God by giving up something that distracts us from spending time on our spiritual relationship.  I really enjoyed it and I think the pastor, Dr. David Uth, is an awesome speaker!

Later last night, I went to "Status" with Savannah and felt another tug at my heart that it is time to take my relationship with God to the next level. I know that I have a special heart for missions work, volunteering, and serving, and I am so ready to get out there and help people in some way!!! I am praying that God points me in the right direction to serve where HE wants me to serve, not just where I want me to serve.

I signed up for a couple of small-groups.

I think I am going to take a class on "Love" that goes off of C.S. Lewis' books.  I also signed up to get to know some of the people in the "Living Water Surf Ministry."

I visited with some of the guys and this really nice girl, Grace, and they invited me to be a part of their little group ministry - I told them I don't surf but I would love to take pictures and video with my Bloggie & Holga camera and hang out with people who enjoy the ocean!  Plus, grow closer to God??

Sign me up! ;)

Three.

I am thinking about saving up some money to buy a monogramming machine.  Does anyone have their own and do their own monogramming? 

There are shops EVERYWHERE in Alabama that monograms everything under the sun - for cheap! But not so much in Orlando.  The Southern girl's love for monogramming everything we own isn't as prevalent in this part of the country - although there are enough steel magnolias and sorority girls around here to get some business if I learn how to do it well enough!

If you have one, help me out & tell me what machine is best and all that good stuff! Thanks :)

Four.

 I was making some munchies to take over to my friend Susan's tonight when I got attacked by the kitchen sink.  Of course I was wearing one of my really classy white wife-beaters and I was pretty much white t-shirt contestin' it for a second there.  I had dogs sliding in my mess, but I got everybody dried off...

I got a good laugh out of it (and of course I was by myself so I'm sitting in the kitchen floor laughing hysterically and Millie is cocking her head like why is my Mommie so weird?!?)

I had to change after the hose-down by the sink...

I'm just trying to make some Jalapeno Poppers :)

Five.

I'm so ready for SUMMER to get here!

via 

"I've never dropped anyone I believed in."

-Marilyn Monroe

peace and love.

baily.

Destiny Unbound

I really have a lot on my mind today – good things, neutral things, but not so much bad things.  It seems that the way my life has been the past five years – full of extreme highs and extreme lows – I unfortunately know the depths of sadness and darkness that qualify as “bad.”  I don’t really have that ache, that heart-wrenching feeling of something horrible overcoming me.  Do I feel numbness in the parts of my heart where I should be feeling pain right now?  Maybe. 

I used to fear this – numbness.  I used to think, I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.  But right now, I am enjoying this intermission from life’s painful heartaches.  I love how there is enough JOY in my life right now to stop the stinging and lessen the trauma that a knife in the back will cause.  I’m not bleeding out, instead, I have myself under control and I’ve displayed a grace that I can respect for myself.  I’m not crying out to this person that I absolutely loved and cared for tremendously (even though a lot of times I want to), because I feel given up on by them. I didn’t deserve to be left out to dry like this, and I don’t know why all of a sudden I was.  I missed the moment when we took a U-turn and started heading South.  I’m confused and feel incredibly misled, misunderstood, and disrespected.  I miss this person terribly, but I miss the feeling of being missed and adored even more.  I wanted and needed BIG LOVE, and I found it… I was promised it… I was given it… but I guess I forgot to ask how long it would last.  

At least it is numbness and not the bellowing wails and sob-soaked pillows and empty boxes of Kleenex.  It’s not teary-eyed dates with Ben & Jerry and Carrie & the girls.  It isn’t seeking revenge or demolition.  It isn’t insomnia, not eating, or not taking care of myself.  It isn’t the usual “what am I going to do?”
 or “who is going to love me?” or “what is wrong with me?” or “how am I ever going to get through this?”  It is none of that. 

Instead, it’s me saying… “this ain’t my first rodeo!” and bucking up and doing the things that I have learned over the years – how to have my heart broken.  And this time, I’m not doing those things that I used to do.  I’m not “coping” in an irresponsible way and I’m not letting the growing number of guys out there who don’t think I am worth it convince my own mind that I am not worth it.  Because I am. 

And I will continue to try on the shoes that catch my eye until I find that damn glass slipper.

There is a glass slipper, size 6, still out there right???? Prince Charming is still on his way with it, isn’t he?  I hope someone send him the message that the bar has been raised, the standards are a little higher now – after knowing the love life I most recently knew.

I think the reason I am not handling this huge loss from my life the way that I did a break-up three years ago (that I describe as ‘what broke me’) is because I am a stronger person for knowing this individual.  I know what is possible when two hearts that are meant to be together meet for the very first time.  Love grows wildly.  I know now that a smile isn’t in perfect teeth or soft lips but in how genuine and heartfelt it is.  I learned that life is only as hard and as serious as we make it for ourselves.  I was reminded of how to live in the moment, when to take big risks, and what kind of man I want by my side.  I was brought back to life.  I was adored, loved, and appreciated. 

And then one day, it went away.  Or it was ignored.  I don’t know if it is still there, where and with whom the heart of this person is.  Oh how I hope that if it belongs to someone else already, she knows how good and wonderful and valued that heart is.  I hope she makes his eyes sparkle like I once could, and I hope they spontaneously dance to music in the kitchen and in Wal-Mart parking lots.  I hope she inspires him the way he told me I inspired him: to be the best version of himself, to want to do good, to want to settle down, to travel, to go to music festivals and concerts, to read books,  to be closer to one another’s families, to be as happy always as we were nearly everyday.  I hope he always fights for what he believes in – and even though I feel like I was given up on, I will never be convinced that he did not believe in me and in us.  He was my biggest fan and I was his, and that’s the hardest part about not having him in my life.  The love was short, but it was so real.  I’ll never forget the way he described life when we were  together, “The world and my life are just “right” and “real” now that I know you and love you, Baily.”  I could not have agreed more.

So here I am, numb.  But full of joy, too.  Because I am proud of how far I have come.  I am glad that I knew this love and that it brought me out of the darkness and made me come to life again!  I was able to experience love in a more profound way – love worth taking risks for, love worth traveling for, love worth making special accommodations for.   But now… but now I need to experience being loved enough to fight for.  Being loved enough to hold on tighter when things seem to be slowly slipping.  I need to know what it is like to be loved unconditionally – where time and distance don’t separate you but make you grow fonder. 

I guess I didn’t know how important that was.  I didn’t know how strong time and distance are.  Or, I just thought that since what we had was so perfect, pure, free from arguments and fighting, and full of love and generosity, that the whole time and distance thing wouldn’t have as large an impact on  us.  I STILL think that, but I do think that any relationship (especially one like this) takes effort from BOTH people….

and that was exactly where the problem was.  And where the pain starts…

Peace & Love

Baily

She started the ignition and without permission,

the two of them flew down the dusty road

But the road wasn't finished and the pavement diminished,

They soared off the edge and they plunged in the sludge

She said

 "THERE ISN'T EVEN ANY ROAD, OUR DESTINY WAS BOUND,

WE WERE THE ONES FOR US, BUT NOW WE'RE IN THE GROUND."

-Destiny Unbound (Phish)