Here's the thing... wait, everyone is aware of my obsession with Elizabeth Gilbert, right?
Refer to this picking wildflowers blogpost if you aren't aware that I'm emotionally and spiritually connected to the woman for all thing subject to my crazy, sometimes tragic, beautiful, awfully wonderful life and it's never ending series of life's cross-roads during this twenty-something phase. Is it too much to hope that my sunshine after the rain isn't in my thirty-somethings because that's seven more years. Haha, Mom and Dad - it's been a fun seven years already hasn't it... to think I turned 16 exactly seven years ago.
Sorry, but I was a cute little Florida girl in my black Accord coupe. Jetting across town from cross-country practice to club soccer practice and always having a loving home to go home to every night when it was all over for the day. Or rolling up with my best friends to high school soccer practice at the fields we shared with the fellow Varsity lettermen, us being the Varsity letterwomen and knowing that you had your best friends with you every day, day-in and day-out... at school, and while you were kicking ass and taking names in suicide-drills, and if they weren't then they were two goal boxes away training with the rest of their team and the core group of your guy friends. I was protected at all times... but that was seven years ago.
It's totally diff these days... but like I always say, the fact that I've still got a grip on the world and I'm standing on two feet and I've had my share of tragedy, heartbreak, and curveballs that have been thrown at me by life's ace pitcher.
God. Thanks for Him, huh?
I thought it was particularly groovy that yesterday at church I finally got to hear a sermon from the series on prayer over at FBCT. Buddy preached on prayer of petition.
I thought of Elizabeth Gilbert and her prayer in the movie; the prayer that is out of such desperation and longing for true understanding of herself. She humbles herself, she gives thanks, and she asks. I guess sometimes prayer of petition can be a hard thing for us to do. We have to admit that something is bigger than us, we have to realize and say outloud that we cannot do by ourself whatever it is we are in need of, and we ask, beg, and bargain.
But the Bible tells us to. It's otherwise foolish to think that we could get through this life without Him. I have a belief that is withstanding. I don't try to go walking into situations that can potentially impact my spiritual life in a negative way - with people, places, things, ideas, and theory. I'm simply who I am for a number of reasons and in large part to God, who I believe with firm acclamation is my Maker, Giver, and most amazing Love. So, to see that movie and to know what she is feeling when she soaks her face in tears and cries out in dire reverence to her Spiritual Master is to have a better understanding at life. Once I hit that wall in my own life, once I turned it over to Him time and time again, I live a life much like that in the book of Romans - He shows me my way, His way, our way, out of the darkest hour and where I am in clearer visibility to see the light.
I'm a wanderer.. there are places I want to see.. there are people I want to know and I believe there are people who want to know me. I'm like a Matryoshka doll - you know, the Russian dolls that fit inside one another, and represents the stages of life. Well, instead of being a baby - the smallest and continuing into the outermost doll which is the grandmother, I am more like the also-called Babushka doll in the sense that I am not just the girl you get skin deep, or even by acquaintance, or even by friend. There are the rare gems in life that I develop a connection with past the normal bounds set by the societal view of "friends." But at whatever Russian, Matroyoshka, or Babushka phase I am in right now, I may not have a delicately painted face, and a ceramically permanent smile painted on it, I do find reasons to smile and that just goes to show that I may not have wandered too far from what has become 'comfort zone central' but I've turned the page, turned my angle to the sun, and have a whole new perspective of life from where I'm at for now. I'll wander later...
Umm.. I just re-read that paragraph and realized how funny that line is right here: "I may not have a delicately painted face, and a ceramically permanent smile painted on it..."
HAHAHAHAHAHA! If you know me - you're laughing with me. Fabulous blog-friends who don't - I have six fake teeth that are made of some mess of porcelain and ceramic.. ceramic caps and porcelain veneers? I don't have the slightest friggin' clue because I'm usually a LOOPY mess when I'm in the dentist chair where I feel like I have spent half of my life.
The youtube sensation "David goes to the dentist" is oddly familiar of the sh!tshow I used to give my parents upon one of my bajillion tooth surgeries. They used to call me Bubba from Forrest Gump because of the metal mouth and satellite I became with all the silver bling blang I rocked during my awkward growing up years.
Anyways, tis a delightful journey - at the end of the day. My facebook status just changed to eating bean soup (made up by my roommate) and having a Flying Dog brew or two and kicking my legs up on the coffee table and listening to Janis.... yes, this E loves some Janis J!
Harmony has come to exist and that peaceful mind I've wanted isn't wandering too far... well, just to the Atlantic seaboard. But I promise that blog will come soon!
peace and love
bee jay jay
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