I'm Home

I'm going through one of those transitional phases again. 

The road started getting bumpy again so I shifted gears.  But now - I am enjoying a much smoother ride.  I have made some changes in my self, in my lifestyle, and in the company I keep.  To say the least, the more positive environment and social circle I have planted myself in is definitely reaping the positive rewards. 

I am not saying that my "smooth ride" is anything like the movie scenes where I'm driving off into a sunset in my Thunderbird and RayBans with the western winds blowing through my hair...

This little free-bird isn't flying that high yet -- but that's not to say I won't be rockin' and rollin' here soon!

Like I said... this is another one of my times of transition.  I never leave a phase of changing without being transformed, renewed, and spiritually uplifted. 

I know times of upheaval to be truly refining.
I know struggle to be one of the roads to success.
I know change as a revolution.

Pray for me as I begin a new phase in my life.  I am getting involved and taking the next step toward membership to First Baptist Orlando.  I have met some wonderful people and put my trust in an amazing counselor at the church who is going to help me get involved, find the 'Baily' that I know is still in there, and get me on the right-track to finishing my degree, starting my career, and chasing down the things that will complete me.  I took a step in the direction that God revealed to me through diligent prayer, and it has already brought such comfort, peace, and joy. 

The Lord put loving people in my life to remind me of the love He has for me.  He sent me an advisor and mentor that I look up to that believes in me, prays over me, and wants to help me in achieving the dreams I have for my future.  Peers that just met me have sent their love and compassion and remind me that I am young and have lots of time to get back on the solid ground that I want and need to be on. 

Prayers have been answered lately and I am experiencing the remarkable peace that comes from that!

Thank you to those that have prayed for me during my hard times.  Especially to those that have prayed for me to find a church home.  I didn't share the hurt and pain that came from leaving my childhood church-home last year, but the ones that I did share it with were reverent in their prayer and support.  They helped me "church shop", they ushered me into their own churches when I felt betrayed by my own, and they accompanied me to events, social functions, and sermons that they may not have gone to if they did not care & want to help me find the "fit" that I have desperately needed.  These friends who have supported me in this way knew how bad I was hurt by my home-church's lack of care and concern for what I had gone through last year. 

Now, knowing and seeing what my former church does for many others - I know that they are a group of good people and a service organization that does wonderful and magnificent things in all parts of the world, but that's just it.  Sometimes being that way can get a little corporate & business-like and the personal and individual tribulations of the members seem to be forgotten, avoided, and unattended to. I was moreso in emotional pain not because they didn't open their arms and do the things for me that, say - First Baptist Trussville did (my Sis' church), but I was harmed (and indefinitely scarred) by the slamming of the door and turning of their backs. It hurt, because for so long I spent every Sunday, Wednesday, and any other day the church door was opened at that small-town Baptist church!  The same home-church I watched on TV from my little college bedroom in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  Yeah... the little college bedroom off Paul Bryant Drive that burnt down in a matter of 5 minutes and took everything that reminded me of "Baily" last April and I never heard a peep from my pastors, mentors, and well - a lot of friends I grew up closely with in my time there.  I'm sorry, but I really did expect my church of 13 years to comfort me and be "the caring place" that they claim to be.  But it didn't happen and it only got worse for me.

So thank you, Dr. David Uth, for leading such a wonderful church family at First Baptist Orlando.  Thank you for hugging my neck without even knowing me and then finding me after the service to talk with me and learn more about me: my fire, the Tuscaloosa tornadoes, my need for a church home, my depression/anxiety, my family and my favorite Bible passage.  I had a conversation with the leader of the largest church in Central Florida and he genuinely cared about ME.  He invited me to hang out, get to know him, and stop by one day when I'm in the counseling department and say hello & have a cup of coffee!  I was astounded... I grew up with my former pastor's children and he would look in my direction and look down at the ground as he passed me in the church atrium.  It is like night and day and I am happier than ever when I walk through the doors of First Orlando.  I am excited about going to church again!  I don't care that it's a 25 minute drive and not a mile and half, 3 minute drive.  I don't care that there are a gazillion redlights and a handful of toll-booths between Dr. David Uth & First Orlando and I, and that there was only 2 small-town traffic lights between First Baptist Oviedo and I.  The distance is vice-versa when it comes to friendship, compassion, and mutual respect for one another. 

I am sort of sorry for saying this so bluntly, but to be honest - I'm really not.  I feel the message on their end was a little blunt, as well.  I expected concern out of my former church family when I hit rock-bottom... I didn't expect looks of discernment and gossip behind my back.  I did not expect these people we thought were so wonderful to turn their backs on my parents after all we had shared together.  But it happened and you can't always understand why God works so darn mysteriously - but He does.  Every season of change is a revolution, a transformation, and a time of growth.  There's a time to hold on and a time to let go.  I am glad we let God guide us during this season of up's and down's. 

I am glad that I am in the process of becoming an active member at First Baptist Church of Orlando. Pastor David Uth said it best to me at church on Sunday during our chat... 

"Welcome Home, Baily."

Hearing that, especially from the church's leader, felt so good.

It felt like I was at home.

peace&love

baily