Life's Balance

So many of you have tweeted and texted me with concern about my where-abouts and well-being.  It is so funny how this whole blogging and social network phenomenon has changed the way our generation lives life.  It is fascinating to get lost in the wonder of it all... I seem to do that a lot here lately - get lost in the wonder of things. 

That's where I've been - not on vacation, not in the hospital, not missing or a run-away, and definitely not "logged off" of social media forever.  I have been here... doing more of the things we did before technology took over.  It has been a really enlightening experience and I can not imagine what it would have been like if I had cut out the laptop and iPhone entirely.  I still tweeted here and there.. usually when I wanted to fall asleep and tire my eyes or to tweet something on my mind at random with long periods in between. And I facebooked still, but not as much.  When you spend a lot of time alone... it's hard not to facebook.  It makes you feel like you are still a part of someone's life.  Or it makes you a part of someone's life that you never were a part of before. Isn't that amazing - how truly phenomenal and life-changing it all is??  It changed life.  The world.  If you're a deep thinker like me... it is, like, THE COOLEST thing to get lost in a world of deep and fascinating thought.  If you are not a deep thinker, then that is probably such a "weirdo" or "nerdy" thing to say but I'm pretty sure the last time I checked I love being a weird nerd, so it's all good.

So the reason I haven't been wearing my social media queen crown is that I have been lost in thought, in books, and in expressing myself on pen and paper, drawing doodles to illustrate all my various emotions, getting filled with the Spirit with daily devotionals that strengthen me every day, and reading my Bible because I'm starting to crave the time spent with Him.  I am no longer hiding from Him because lately, He has definitely been bringing the light.

I love how the Lord shines His light in so many different ways.  I am beginning to understand why I never saw the light when I was in my most difficult times where it was dark and hopeless.  When I was living the way I was - just completely empty of myself and an imitation of what I wished I really was - I was doing that because I was hiding.  I did not love myself and I found misery in every other relationship because of that one most important thing.  Especially my relationship with God.  When I got lost in a world sin, that was the center of my life whether I wanted to admit it or not.  I was a Christian, and always had been so I always said God was the center of my life by default.  But that was far from the truth.  I didn't read my Bible, go to church, be involved in Bible study, or even pray on a consistent basis.  Yet I never missed a party, a social event, or time with my friends - usually not spent praising God and spreading His word, I think you can probably sum up the kind of things we did if you have ever been to a place like Tuscaloosa on a weekend.  Oh do not let me mislead you, it is far from being a place that only gets rowdy on the weekends. The circumstances of my life led me to think hiding and not being honest with myself was better than just digging deep and getting back to that girl I used to be.  Then one day my relationship with God changed - it was reconciled and His mercy allowed me to find Baily. 

This week I took some time to myself to think deeply about so many things.  In the past couple of weeks there have been little things here and there that have happened and left me reminded of when there was a simpler time in life.  Yep - there was even a time when my life was much simpler!  It hasn't always been so whacko.

Still, just as many things have happened that bring out my gratitude for what the techno era has changed in my life. There is a creativity and confidence that comes from being a blogger that I never had experienced before.  There are friendships and interpersonal relationships that would otherwise not exist. This week I realized that it is just like everything in life - there is a need to balance. This balancing act has always been a struggle of mine. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful, but too much of anything has a potential to be destructive. 

I think my devotion to my online communities was destructing my relationship with God.  Still though, it wasn't the actual internet and Blogger doman and Facebook and Twitter sites that were bad for me.  It was my decision making on how much time I chose to spend on social networking.  It was a product of a poor choice, not the activity itself.  There are activities and hobbies that I used to do that I have given up completely... that is because it was in itself a bad thing and I took part in it.  Blogging and tweeting and facebooking aren't bad things... but letting them be a part of my daily grind while not letting my quiet time with God be a part of it is wrong and destructive to my life.  Lately, I have gotten back to the basics of things - which meant simpler things and less 'tech-y.'

Books, art, nature.  I also devoted time to my Bible study and journaled my testimony and the things I saw changing in my life.  I realized that my journal entries started changing from a tale of broken dreams into a storybook of all the places I was beginning to see God that I had never seen Him before.  The more time I spent reading and being outside, the more I saw God in everyday life.  I was seeing art differently than ever - I was wooed by photo essays, paintings, and poems this past week and I realized that the world is such a beautiful place but it is sin that we have tolerated and allowed to become the "social norm" and it has forever scarred our planet, violated our child-like wonder, and politicized God's commands. 

I am the most guilty of sinners.  I am no Saint and I have never declared to be.  Yet, I did not declare myself a sinner either.  That is called "pride" and I use to have a loooooot of it.  Some might think that I still do, but it is a pride that comes from knowing God thinks I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  It does not come from thinking I am too good for failure.  No one is too good for hitting rock bottom.  The only perfect person that ever walked this planet was the Lord.  Therefore, none of us can be perfect but we can follow Him and be perfectly fine.  Our needs perfectly satisfied and our work on earth rewarded one day in Heaven. Instead, I have often found my desires more important to be satisfied instead of my needs and the source of that is not the good Lord... worldly desires come from the sin that is manifested in us.  However, there is one desire that is not a trick of the Devil.  If our desire is the Lord, then we can know that it does not come from sin and worldly things.  For He has showed me this over and over again during my deep thinking week.

Sometimes you have to slow down and detach the things that aren't of God in order to truly see Him at work in your life.  It was an awe-inspiring visit back to a simpler time when I craved books, journals, and trail-walking with my dog.  The nature that God made, the book He left us to guide our life, and the ability to feel and be creative in expressing those feelings.  There is something healing about writing a letter and not an email, walking a trail and not a treadmill, reading a book and not a blog, and catching up with a friend you haven't seen in years but doing it in person and not on FB!

So that is where I have been... and I am working on my balance as far as my hobbies, priorities, and free time goes!  It is always good to slow down and realize that even though we can get everything we need via internet these days... sometimes it feels better to do it the old, traditional, and less convenient way.  Especially if you are looking for God's direction in your life and want to see Him in your life... there is no better way than to look up from the computer screen and ask Him to show you... explore your environment - your surroundings and your community of friends and family - there are reasons you are where you are and doing what you are doing and going through whatever it is you are going through.  If you struggle to find reasons for the way things are in your life, find deep thought in something simple that God blessed you with. I bet you'll find more than just one!

Peace & Love

Baily 

What do you need to balance more?