Why is it that the day you turn 20 years old you all of a sudden get a taste of reality in the most harsh way? I've always been told or concluded in my own mind that adolescence is the toughest time in a person's lifespan. Since the day I turned 20 (almost two and a half years ago) my smooth sailing life hit some pretty rough seas.
My usual problems before I was 20 was whether or not I'd ever get boobs or if the quarterback of the football team liked me more than a friend. Now, it's about education, romance, and passion in life. Not to mention career, stability, and life-long values. I'll tell you one thing, today I was wishing I was still flat chested and when I could heal my pain with a bandaid. But not now, the twenty something year old's dilemma amounts to various types of pain that are like clock-work - right when you think you've successfully crossed that bridge over troubled water you seem to lose your step and fall right back in it.
So here I am again, trying to stay positive when I should be cursing myself for the mistakes and irresponsibility that hang on my shoulders like heavy baggage. I can read or write or keep myself surrounded by friends in order to keep my mind off of the things that are bothering me but isn't that just avoidance? Isn't avoidance a form of denial? I believe it is.
So, as I had a reality check this weekend with my mother and sister and brother-in-law, I decided that I can't keep avoiding the things I've done wrong or be weary and weak because I tend to think I am crippled by the hurt and pain in my past. I'm done denying it and hiding behind excuses and blame. I've decided to put forth my best effort in order to change the things I can change. Starting with me.
And I will accept with understanding the things that I can not change. It all comes down to humbling myself and doing the things I must do, no matter how intense or embarassing or humiliating they are, in order to reach my optimum happiness, health, and well-being.
I'm still hoping that life as a thirty something might be a little less rocky. But I know no matter what, no matter when, and no matter why, I have the Lord and His shelter and he will never give me more than I am capable of handling. I must admit, He can give you some pretty hard tests... especially in your twenties.
Peace and Love,
BJJ
Be the change you wish to see in the world. -Gandhi
Monday, February 1, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
What I'm Lovin' Right Now☮
1. Undone Pinot Noir
2. Crosley Wooden Record Player
3. Bohemian Jewelry
4. Joss Stone's new album "Colour Me Free"
5. Wildflowers
6. "Love, Janis" by Laura Joplin
Think Different
Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing that you can't do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They push the human race forward.
And while some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones that do.
Peace and Love
BJJ ♫ ☮ ♥
Life's A Dance
Many self-revelations have vividly shown themselves to me lately. It's funny that some things in life, the good and the bad and yeah, the ugly too, happen when you least expect them. I, of all people, am very aware that life is just a wild and crazy rollercoaster with it's ups and downs and twists and turns. All we can do is hold on tight and ride it out. But, if you never throw your hands in the air and have a little fun then life's rollercoaster is one big scary amusement that you have no control over. And with all that fear, well, there's no way to to get the thrills and joy out of the ride, and trust me, that's what makes the ride - the journey - the experience so well worth it.Over the past three weeks or so, ever since I started a new semester in school, I have realized the things that I thought were in 'perfect order' or what I thought was 'meant to be' was really just another phase of my life or another hump on my rollercoaster ride. I found good in it though, I mean it's the only way to get through the disappointments and trials. This phase of my life might not have been all gravy but it did allow me to learn lessons, it helped me discover a little bit more of the 'true me', and it prepared me for what may be my next big challenge in life.
Now, no boyfriend, no May graduation ceremony (thanks to my internship placement not being this term but rather the summer term), and no real agenda other than the 17 credit hours of Human Development and Early Childhood classes on my school schedule. But, luckily and oh so gratefully, my life is not all tears, doubts, guilt, sadness, and moping around aimlessly these days. I dance. I sing in the shower. I hang out with my truest of friends. And I give myself the credit I deserve instead of allowing anyone or anything to bring me down. I guess you could say that I truly recognize that I am young, willing, and able. I CAN make a difference in people's lives as long as I'm around the friends and family that encourage me and support my dreams.
I have finally been able to find strength in my moments of weakness. I'm content with the parts of my past that I regret, and I am humbled by how much I have to be thankful for instead of dwelling over things. Especially things like a guy who never really wanted to know the real me or a post-poned graduation date. I'm just grateful for the amazing friends that keep me happy from day-to-day, for a good ole vinyl record that lets me dance when I feel like dancing, and for the gift and ability to go to a school like Alabama and knowing I'm not far away from that Bachelor of Science degree.
You know how they say that there comes a time in one's life when all you see are years passing by or we let time define who we are in regard to how far along we are, how successfull are we by age 25, 30, 40, and can we retire at 55? We rush our youth because we just want to grow up and we so frequently say "I can't wait to get out of here so I can START my life"...? Well not me. Those days of saying things in that regard are over for me. There's too much in each day to enjoy and so much we miss out on when we're in this big hurry to get to the next stage of our life. To develop into the next age group or social class. Well I think that's petty and selfish and it only robs us of living the life we ourselves have chosen. Yeah, I'm anxious about graduating and where I'm going to be six months from now but that doesn't mean I don't seize the day and slow down to take a look at all the beautiful people living their own mysterious lives, to take in the blessings of nature, and cherish the wholesome love of my family and my friends. I'm not a career-woman, a mom, or a wife yet. So why do I worry about those things when I could be using that energy to make the best out of being a single college student who is surrounded by 25,000 peers who are dancing to the beat of their own drum. There's no need to worry about the people who don't want you in their lives. It's been so dramatically revealed to me that it's time that I stop hurrying this all-too-fun phase of my life and worrying about people in my past who apparently don't want to be a part of my future and just start living. Because it's true... I'm living the good life.
I'm happy, I'm enjoying all the things in life that I've tended to forget to slow down and embrace, I'm in a peaceful state of mind, and I'm enjoying my studies and I do not dwell on my setbacks. Because I know that people who changed the world didn't do it out of perfection... they had setbacks. Einstein, John Lennon, Princess Diana, Walt Disney, and so many other beautiful people had their own personal disasters and times of tribulation.
So who am I to let a break-up, an extra two months of school, or mistakes from my past be the things that define me? They've all taught me lessons, for sure. But it is the way that I choose to apply those lessons to my life that are the factors that define me. The people, the situations, the problems, the trials, the uphill battles... they don't define me at all. And by no means would I change myself to be any different than I am just so someone will love me or accept me. I'm just a misfit, a crazy one, a girl who dreams big and gains strength for my tomorrows by embracing empowerment from all of my yesterdays. It's like someone once said, "Always be who are, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Touche, my friend. Touche.
That has been my biggest issue here the past month or so. I have great friends who make me dig a little deeper to find my true meaning and they encourage me to chase down my dreams. Where others, well, they either didn't believe in me or they didn't believe in my dreams. For a while I was without some of the most important people in my life. My best friend, because of our gender difference, was more of an acquaintance for a while. My roommates, who are uplifting and give me a positive energy, were hard to keep company with because of our different groups of friends, social schedules, and love lives. But now, as if it was an unsaid new years resolution, I have those friends back in my life and they are the ones that give me a reason to wake up with a smile on my face in the morning and who allow me to lay my head down at night with a state of mind filled with peace and happiness and so, so many cherished blessings.
They like me for who I am. They love me for not backing down and blending in with the crowd. Because they are unique, open-minded, not judgmental, and original, they love me back for all the same reasons. My record collection and peace signs and Janis Joplin obsession. My pearls, Cole Haan loafers, and oxford button-downs. My tiedye, vests, and boot collection. My passions for journalism and children with special needs. Cofee in the morning with my roommate Jackie and early morning grilled cheese sandwiches with my best guy friend. Planning a trip to Austin, Texas with my good friend Kayley and dancing in the bathroom with Kathleen to cheer up our brokenhearted friend Kathryn. It's the friends like that who truly make this world a wonderful and beautiful place.
Joy IS everywhere. Not just in romantic relationships or A+ term papers. Sure, those can set fire to your soul while they last or give you one good kick in the ass of self-confidence... but then what? Where are you going to find joy when the heartbreak comes and goes and it hits you that there truly was a reason you broke up or how about when you get a C- on a lab report and rains on that perfect term paper's parade? Just dig a little deeper... get a glimpse of who you are and go with it. And never, never, NEVER, let anyone tell you to be someone or something that you aren't. The unique, confident, and self-driven person is one of the prettiest things you could ever see. So....
Download a song. Donate to a charity like 'Hope for Haiti'. Take a bubble bath. Watch a Chick-Flick. Write a blog. Keep a journal. Make something funky out of old clothes you don't wear anymore. A bike ride. A museum. An arboretum. A bookstore. A coffee house. Sit under a tree. Go for a swim in freshwater. Shop at a thrift store. Train for a road race. Pick some wildflowers. Feed the ducks at the lake. Draw. Paint. Sculpt. Sing. But most importantly..... dance. Stop holding on to the rollercoaster so tight and let go, have a little fun, enjoy the ride. Let's face it, you've got to.
Because life's a dance - and you learn as you go.
Peace and Love and all of life's blessings,
BJJ
♫ ☮ ♥
"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel as if I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst... and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday." -American Beauty (1999)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
A Girl and Her Dress
A recent visit home for the holidays was full of rest and relaxation (despite the mild-chaos of shopping for gifts), and quality time spent with my parents. Nothing extraordinary – just the simple life that I have missed since the day I left home with my wings spread and my dreams big. I dream big still, and I won’t stop spreading my wings until I’ve learned to fly, but I am not afraid to admit that I still seek comfort in the nest my parents built for me and I may not be able to fly yet, but that’s what airplanes are for. Grateful for a break, I sought refuge in my little hometown at a place where I call home. Like always, it felt so good until I realized something was missing and kept me reminded why I live in Alabama in the first place. My room, looking nothing like it did during my high school years, still brings me comfort and a place I can sit and reflect on my journey thus far. Tucked away in the corner of our charming little Floridian-style house that holds bounties worth of memories is my favorite little bedroom. Next to it is my sister’s bedroom, which also received a face-lift from Mom, and it holds an antique book case full of wedding planning books, nursing texts, and wedding photographs. Though my sister’s not in it anymore, it still holds little pieces that she left behind as if they were a symbol for her ability to leave a mark wherever she goes. My bed that seems much smaller than it did when I picked it out in kindergarten still nurtures me to fall into a deep sleep where I feel safe and protected. A cup of coffee with biscuits and gravy is more than just a good Southern breakfast when you’re sitting in your own kitchen with your parents and passing around the sections of the morning paper. In little moments like those, I found myself looking up at the chair where my sister usually is seated and having to remind myself that she no longer gets to come home with me for a long weekend or a Fall Break anymore. As happy as she is in her newlywed years, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for myself and wishing she was sharing a cup of coffee with me in those moment.
Home is where I feel the most secure, where I’m most familiar, and where I know I keep a big piece of my heart. But as each day turns into months and months turn into years, I realize more and more that home isn’t as sweet when one of its main characters is missing. I found myself, more than just once, lingering into my sister’s room and opening up the bookcase that told so many stories of her life. I looked through high school yearbooks, read what I wrote to her and she wrote to me on the autograph pages, and found it amusing how we did this out of being best friends rather than sisters. I know she loved me then just as I know she loves me now, so it wasn’t a required act of sisterhood to write a page worth of sentiments in my yearbook. As my best friend though, it was required. It would be devastating to look back eight years later at my freshmen yearbook to discover that I had forgotten to have my best friend sign it. As I grabbed four years worth of yearbooks, I knew without a doubt that her ‘reserved’ page would be filled. I let my eyes venture over to the nursing and pharmacology textbooks that sat in the enclosed case and admired her smarts and academic success.
I looked at a picture of her and her husband at their wedding reception and admired her ability to forgive, how she has always followed her heart, and how he’s always looked at her like she was heaven-sent.
Home is where I feel the most secure, where I’m most familiar, and where I know I keep a big piece of my heart. But as each day turns into months and months turn into years, I realize more and more that home isn’t as sweet when one of its main characters is missing. I found myself, more than just once, lingering into my sister’s room and opening up the bookcase that told so many stories of her life. I looked through high school yearbooks, read what I wrote to her and she wrote to me on the autograph pages, and found it amusing how we did this out of being best friends rather than sisters. I know she loved me then just as I know she loves me now, so it wasn’t a required act of sisterhood to write a page worth of sentiments in my yearbook. As my best friend though, it was required. It would be devastating to look back eight years later at my freshmen yearbook to discover that I had forgotten to have my best friend sign it. As I grabbed four years worth of yearbooks, I knew without a doubt that her ‘reserved’ page would be filled. I let my eyes venture over to the nursing and pharmacology textbooks that sat in the enclosed case and admired her smarts and academic success.
I looked at a picture of her and her husband at their wedding reception and admired her ability to forgive, how she has always followed her heart, and how he’s always looked at her like she was heaven-sent.
I studied the picture and let my mind drift back to her wedding day and I remembered how I felt when our Dad lifted her veil. Her dress was perfectly elegant and fitting for her style and simplicity. Her smile was as big as her heart and her eyes twinkled with genuineness. It may seem as if I am biased, but many would agree, she was the most perfect looking bride I have ever seen. She was chic, graceful, elegant, and classical in her wedding gown. She wasn’t over the top; she was herself. She’s never dressed in anything other than her tasteful style and she kept this true on her special day. She wore a strand of pearls around her neck that lay as if they were drawn on her. The same pearls she wears on Sunday morning to worship, the same ones that lied perfectly on her neck throughout college, and the ones that she’ll probably pass down to her daughter or grand-daughter one day. The lace on her dress beautifully matched the freckles that spotted her face and topped her shoulders. A little Florida girl who never lost her Southern charm was all grown up. Just like she kept her Southern charm, she kept her authenticity. She was the most real and truthful bride I have ever seen. If she wore anything other than her off-white lace and her single strand of pearls, than she wouldn’t have been herself. And trust me, nothing is more beautiful than being yourself when you’re someone like my sister.
Her groom, dressed in a simple black-tie, was charming as expected. His Charleston blood and Southern upbringing go hand in hand with my sister making perfect sense out of their love story. If the bride were marrying anyone other than her high school sweetheart and her first and only love, then the bride wouldn’t have been my sister. Her style – her ‘look’ – wouldn’t have been the same if her story were anything other than near perfection. My sister would never be compatible or suitable for marriage with a Yankee. She would never be compatible with a ‘pretty boy.’ Her compatibility stood the test of time just as her authentic and traditional ways have given her poise and elegance. My sister never strayed from the straight and narrow path that fate paved for her – her soul mate would be God fearing, athletic, Southern, and supportive. The fact that she met him at the ripe old age of fifteen was seemingly not out of the ordinary. Girls who are like my sister are the true Princess-type. The proper lady who stays true to herself and is able to handle the events of each day with wise decisions, class, and poise which leads her to a pleasant and content journey through life.
As I stared at the pictures of my beautiful sister-bride, I realized not all beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some beauty is in the eye of everyone she knows. She’s undeniably beautiful. Her pretty face compliments her grace. Her loving heart pours out into her relationships with family and friends. Her freckles reflect innocence but her personality is real rather than fake. Her sweet side is sincere, not a role she plays to win people over. People are drawn to her, omitting any need for an alter-ego or a second character to make people love her. Her tough side is a boldness that comes across softer than the fierce and devious types. I don’t know if I could convince anyone that really knows her that she wasn’t all of these things I’ve described because her soul is so genuine, her strength is unwavering, and her confidence is natural. She’s my sister, and in the eyes of this beholder – she is perfect.
She’s someone I have every opportunity to hate, envy, or be jealous of, yet I love her more than life itself. I wiped a tear from my cheek as I closed the bookcase that kept drawing me to her room that weekend and wondered if it was a sad tear or a happy tear. Was it sad because I’ve failed to be like her or was it happy because I can call her my own? Was it sad because she wasn’t there or was it happy because I know she always will be there? Was it sad because I’ve disappointed her or was it happy because she never turned her back on me? Maybe it was all of these things.
She’s made mistakes and suffered through bumps in the road like we all have, yet she is perfect in my eyes. I’m almost certain the tear was neither happy nor sad. It was purely out of sentimental gratitude for the feelings of joy that only sisterhood can bring. I wish all women could understand what being a sister and having a sister is like, but I admire those women for their independence and ability to make it throu
gh some of life’s painful twists without the perfect sister. I never realized, so intensely, how lucky I am that it was just her and I. I would hate to have to share our strong sisterly bond with anyone else. She’s that good of an older sister that I am glad I get to keep her all to myself. However, I sometimes wish I could make an impact in a baby sister’s life the way she has made an impact in mine. I wasn’t dealt that hand but being the younger sister rather than the oldest doesn’t mean I can’t tell her more often how lucky I am. It doesn’t excuse me from making sure she’s aware of how much I idolize and look up to her. I was given a sister, which was a blessing big enough. I could have been given a different sister. My biggest blessing was being given a sister like Ashley. Just as I am jealous of her natural grace and charming personality, I’m pretty positive other younger sisters out there are jealous of me because of who my older sister is.
-BJJ-
The ‘Other’
Sister
The ‘Other’
SisterTuesday, December 15, 2009
Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010
Here is my "Christmas Letter":
I hope this finds you all well and peaceful during the Holiday season! Even more, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Most of us are looking forward to what 2010 will bring, but I am also looking back with thanksgiving for all the blessings I received in 2009.
I have continued my studies in Early Childhood Education and Child Development. In 2010, I will graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Human Environmental Sciences with a concentration in ECE and Child Development. Throughout my studies, I have gained knowledge in the field through hands-on learning experiences at the University of Alabama's Children's Program and the university's RISE School program. Aside from that, I have worked in practicums at Holt Elementary in Tuscaloosa County with the HeadStart program where I mentored students and shadowed a kindergarten teacher. The HeadStart program I worked this past summer, focuses on developing cognitive, social, and behavioral skills in underpriviledged and poverty-struck children. This Fall, I worked with fourth-grade students with disabilities at Verner Elementary in Tuscaloosa County. Both experiences were very eye-opening and deepened my passion for working with children with special needs.
I enjoyed my job as a hostess at 'Chuck's Fish' in downtown Tuscaloosa, which I worked from January-July, but had to give it up in order to focus on my heavy school schedule. This Fall was the first semester I did not 'nanny' for the Duckworth family, also because of my studies. However, I was able to help out with Camryn and Jace whenever the Duckworth's needed extra help.
Aside from schoolwork, my main job was raising "Millie", my now-7-month-old boxer. I got Mildred Jean ("Millie") in June and we have developed a special bond ever since the day I brought her home. She continues to brighten my day and keep me company while showering me with the kind of unconditional love that only dogs can give. She has been quite the travel-partner as well. Since June, she and I have gone to Lake Mitchell, Fairhope, Asheville, and Orlando (twice). She loves to accompany me to Ashley and Tyler's in Trussville where she gets to play with cousins Maybelle and Beau.
Even with my change in undergraduate studies, I have continued to write. Obviously, since this is my blog, those reading this are aware of my passion for writing. I also write a sport's blog, which is where my "blogging" is founded. That blog stems from the sport's column I wrote for my high school newspaper. This blog can be found at, www.justjonesit.blogspot.com.
In March, I spent a memory-packed Spring Break with friends in Key West. My friends Will Pappas and Bess Pickett drove down with me and stayed at my parent's house in Orlando for three days before we packed back up and met a large group of friends in the sub-tropics. Actually, I drove the large Chevy Tahoe which felt as if I was driving a monster truck. In Orlando, we spent a full-day at Epcot Center in Disney World by participating in the "Drink Around The World" event that college students nation-wide have labeled as one the "Must Do's" as a young twenty-something year-old. With true Southern pride we started in "America" with a Budweiser before we began our parade of margaritas in "Mexico", beers and brats in "Germany", sake shots in "Japan", more beer in "Canada", Irish car-bombs and Guinness in "Ireland", and much more. Mom and Dad dropped us off and picked us up as we practiced true 'responsibility.' After lounging around Oviedo and visiting New Smyrna Beach, we spent the rest of the week with friends in our three-bedroom suite in beautiful Key West. After a few days of the "Duval Crawl" which involves bar-hopping in true college student fashion on the island's most famous street, Duval Street, we were exhausted but satisfied with an unforgettable trip.
Also in the Spring, I was able to spend a relaxing weekend at Lake Martin with a bunch of my guy friends before buckling down for Spring semester exams. The exams went well and Spring was my best semester thus far, but I still managed to celebrate like a crazy Tar Heel when Roy William's and his boys won the Final Four in Detroit, before I had to hit the books for those successful exams.
Now, the crazy Crimson Tide part of me is in heavy celebration after the sweet, sweet victory over the Florida Gators in the SEC Championship game in Atlanta that followed the Tide's undefeated regular season. Beating my home state, where it seemed championships were falling into their laps, was just an added bonus to the conference championship and bid to the BCS Championship Game at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. Even more of a bonus? Our leading rusher, Mark Ingram, won the Heisman Trophy and became the first player in Alabama history to receive such an honor. Needless to say, my heart is pounding for my school and the happy tears I've cried after monumental victories and watching history be made have never felt so good!
This past year has seen up's and down's. Yet, as the year ends and a new one peeks it's head around the corner, I find myself with much peace and happiness. I've made long strides in my life as a young lady by defining 'me' for who I am and not wavering for another's acceptance or nod. I've found out who my friends are, and who they aren't. In August, I met a wonderful, Southern-gentlemen from Mobile, AL named Preston and have continued to date him and get to know him better while sharing the excitement of football Saturdays with him. I've made new friends that I believe will last a lifetime, and I have had to say 'goodbye' to friends who are moving away from Tuscaloosa but will always be special to me. I continue to stay close to my family and stay true to my firm belief that they are the most important people in my life. I am more thankful for their love than I could ever express in words. Last but not least, I remain a God-fearing Christian and have been blessed with many answered prayers this year.
I hope that everyone is full of thanksgiving for the things that 2009 have brought, and I hope even more that 2010 continues to be full of blessings.
To God be all the glory and praise!
-BJJ
The 'Other' Sister
I hope this finds you all well and peaceful during the Holiday season! Even more, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Most of us are looking forward to what 2010 will bring, but I am also looking back with thanksgiving for all the blessings I received in 2009.
I have continued my studies in Early Childhood Education and Child Development. In 2010, I will graduate with a Bachelor of Science in Human Environmental Sciences with a concentration in ECE and Child Development. Throughout my studies, I have gained knowledge in the field through hands-on learning experiences at the University of Alabama's Children's Program and the university's RISE School program. Aside from that, I have worked in practicums at Holt Elementary in Tuscaloosa County with the HeadStart program where I mentored students and shadowed a kindergarten teacher. The HeadStart program I worked this past summer, focuses on developing cognitive, social, and behavioral skills in underpriviledged and poverty-struck children. This Fall, I worked with fourth-grade students with disabilities at Verner Elementary in Tuscaloosa County. Both experiences were very eye-opening and deepened my passion for working with children with special needs.
I enjoyed my job as a hostess at 'Chuck's Fish' in downtown Tuscaloosa, which I worked from January-July, but had to give it up in order to focus on my heavy school schedule. This Fall was the first semester I did not 'nanny' for the Duckworth family, also because of my studies. However, I was able to help out with Camryn and Jace whenever the Duckworth's needed extra help.
Aside from schoolwork, my main job was raising "Millie", my now-7-month-old boxer. I got Mildred Jean ("Millie") in June and we have developed a special bond ever since the day I brought her home. She continues to brighten my day and keep me company while showering me with the kind of unconditional love that only dogs can give. She has been quite the travel-partner as well. Since June, she and I have gone to Lake Mitchell, Fairhope, Asheville, and Orlando (twice). She loves to accompany me to Ashley and Tyler's in Trussville where she gets to play with cousins Maybelle and Beau.
Even with my change in undergraduate studies, I have continued to write. Obviously, since this is my blog, those reading this are aware of my passion for writing. I also write a sport's blog, which is where my "blogging" is founded. That blog stems from the sport's column I wrote for my high school newspaper. This blog can be found at, www.justjonesit.blogspot.com.
In March, I spent a memory-packed Spring Break with friends in Key West. My friends Will Pappas and Bess Pickett drove down with me and stayed at my parent's house in Orlando for three days before we packed back up and met a large group of friends in the sub-tropics. Actually, I drove the large Chevy Tahoe which felt as if I was driving a monster truck. In Orlando, we spent a full-day at Epcot Center in Disney World by participating in the "Drink Around The World" event that college students nation-wide have labeled as one the "Must Do's" as a young twenty-something year-old. With true Southern pride we started in "America" with a Budweiser before we began our parade of margaritas in "Mexico", beers and brats in "Germany", sake shots in "Japan", more beer in "Canada", Irish car-bombs and Guinness in "Ireland", and much more. Mom and Dad dropped us off and picked us up as we practiced true 'responsibility.' After lounging around Oviedo and visiting New Smyrna Beach, we spent the rest of the week with friends in our three-bedroom suite in beautiful Key West. After a few days of the "Duval Crawl" which involves bar-hopping in true college student fashion on the island's most famous street, Duval Street, we were exhausted but satisfied with an unforgettable trip.
Also in the Spring, I was able to spend a relaxing weekend at Lake Martin with a bunch of my guy friends before buckling down for Spring semester exams. The exams went well and Spring was my best semester thus far, but I still managed to celebrate like a crazy Tar Heel when Roy William's and his boys won the Final Four in Detroit, before I had to hit the books for those successful exams.
Now, the crazy Crimson Tide part of me is in heavy celebration after the sweet, sweet victory over the Florida Gators in the SEC Championship game in Atlanta that followed the Tide's undefeated regular season. Beating my home state, where it seemed championships were falling into their laps, was just an added bonus to the conference championship and bid to the BCS Championship Game at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. Even more of a bonus? Our leading rusher, Mark Ingram, won the Heisman Trophy and became the first player in Alabama history to receive such an honor. Needless to say, my heart is pounding for my school and the happy tears I've cried after monumental victories and watching history be made have never felt so good!
This past year has seen up's and down's. Yet, as the year ends and a new one peeks it's head around the corner, I find myself with much peace and happiness. I've made long strides in my life as a young lady by defining 'me' for who I am and not wavering for another's acceptance or nod. I've found out who my friends are, and who they aren't. In August, I met a wonderful, Southern-gentlemen from Mobile, AL named Preston and have continued to date him and get to know him better while sharing the excitement of football Saturdays with him. I've made new friends that I believe will last a lifetime, and I have had to say 'goodbye' to friends who are moving away from Tuscaloosa but will always be special to me. I continue to stay close to my family and stay true to my firm belief that they are the most important people in my life. I am more thankful for their love than I could ever express in words. Last but not least, I remain a God-fearing Christian and have been blessed with many answered prayers this year.
I hope that everyone is full of thanksgiving for the things that 2009 have brought, and I hope even more that 2010 continues to be full of blessings.
To God be all the glory and praise!
-BJJ
The 'Other' Sister
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The Reason for the Season
As I witness the hustle and bustle of the holidays I can not help but be overwhelmed by the exhausting love that parents show their children. Fighting lines at the toy store so that the newest toy is within reach or the hours of preparing festive meals and holiday treats. The sacrifices that parents give in order to pleasantly surprise the little ones on Christmas morning is indescribable and it makes for a very humbling experience.
I have always had parents that wore themselves out in order to give me a complete and merry holiday season. I always was pleased and never disappointed in my gifts from Santa, my parents, and my grandparents. When ripping apart gift wrap and going through boxes of presents like a tornado in my younger years I did not realize how much of a fortune I had. Not in monetary terms, but in the terms that I was blessed with beautiful and loving people all around me. As I grew up and as each Christmas went by I learned more and more about life and how I have all things to be grateful for and even the wrapping that covered my gifts was more than some people had on Christmas mornings.
Some do not even have families.
I have always been especially concerned for children who do not have families or parents that love them. I am a firm believer in adoption and I stand against abortion. I think much can be learned if we would all slow down and spend a little more time in the volunteer force or charity campaigns because the individuals that need the services are not stupid or any less of a person than we are. They have feelings, emotions, amazing abilities, and lessons that are more valuable than any college curriculum textbook. It is amazing how beautiful a child can be when she seems to have nothing to be smiling about. No wrapped Christmas presents, no parents, no hams and turkeys and pecan pies, and no Christmas tree to adorn with twinkling lights.
I asked her what made the holidays so special for her. She answered, "my brother that got shot and my grandmother that raised me were both my favorite people before they went to heaven. They always told me that Christmas wasn't about presents and decorations but it was Jesus' birthday and I know they're with Jesus so I'm just glad they're up there having fun."
Tears poured from my eyes as they stared at this poverty-struck fourth grade girl that I mentor on occasion. I found myself in awe of her. How strong, sensible, and sincere were her words and how grateful her aching heart was. Her hair bounced in diva-like ringlets and her teeth shined when she smiled so big. She laughed as I sat there and wiped tears from my eyes as though she couldn't believe I would be 'sad' during the season of Jesus' birthday. She had no idea how humble she had just made me and how fortunate I was to have the things that so many other children don't have. I felt sick to my stomach as I made a note to send a special wrapped holiday treat her way before I went home for the holidays because I have spent many days of my life living selfishly and by taking the little things for granted. I've had reality checks in my life before but none like this one. This reality check sent me home from her elementary school in the poorer part of town with a lesson that can be recognized but never truly learned and accepted until it's right there in your face smiling back at you as your whole being seems to grow in holiday cheer and thanksgiving.
So, as the holidays approach us I hope that those of us who live a fortunate life can give back in some way to make a difference in the lives of people who don't. Even more so, we should focus on making the lives of people with needs better by spreading this fortune throughout the entire year and not just during the holiday season.
Like her brother and grandmother taught her, and Jesus taught us all, we must remember the reason for the season and be thankful for Jesus Christ, our Lord, because no gift is better than the gift he gave us and no ham or turkey is better than the bread of life that is the Gospel.
Merry Christmas and God Bless each and every one!
-BJJ
The 'Other' Sister
I have always had parents that wore themselves out in order to give me a complete and merry holiday season. I always was pleased and never disappointed in my gifts from Santa, my parents, and my grandparents. When ripping apart gift wrap and going through boxes of presents like a tornado in my younger years I did not realize how much of a fortune I had. Not in monetary terms, but in the terms that I was blessed with beautiful and loving people all around me. As I grew up and as each Christmas went by I learned more and more about life and how I have all things to be grateful for and even the wrapping that covered my gifts was more than some people had on Christmas mornings.
Some do not even have families.
I have always been especially concerned for children who do not have families or parents that love them. I am a firm believer in adoption and I stand against abortion. I think much can be learned if we would all slow down and spend a little more time in the volunteer force or charity campaigns because the individuals that need the services are not stupid or any less of a person than we are. They have feelings, emotions, amazing abilities, and lessons that are more valuable than any college curriculum textbook. It is amazing how beautiful a child can be when she seems to have nothing to be smiling about. No wrapped Christmas presents, no parents, no hams and turkeys and pecan pies, and no Christmas tree to adorn with twinkling lights.
I asked her what made the holidays so special for her. She answered, "my brother that got shot and my grandmother that raised me were both my favorite people before they went to heaven. They always told me that Christmas wasn't about presents and decorations but it was Jesus' birthday and I know they're with Jesus so I'm just glad they're up there having fun."
Tears poured from my eyes as they stared at this poverty-struck fourth grade girl that I mentor on occasion. I found myself in awe of her. How strong, sensible, and sincere were her words and how grateful her aching heart was. Her hair bounced in diva-like ringlets and her teeth shined when she smiled so big. She laughed as I sat there and wiped tears from my eyes as though she couldn't believe I would be 'sad' during the season of Jesus' birthday. She had no idea how humble she had just made me and how fortunate I was to have the things that so many other children don't have. I felt sick to my stomach as I made a note to send a special wrapped holiday treat her way before I went home for the holidays because I have spent many days of my life living selfishly and by taking the little things for granted. I've had reality checks in my life before but none like this one. This reality check sent me home from her elementary school in the poorer part of town with a lesson that can be recognized but never truly learned and accepted until it's right there in your face smiling back at you as your whole being seems to grow in holiday cheer and thanksgiving.
So, as the holidays approach us I hope that those of us who live a fortunate life can give back in some way to make a difference in the lives of people who don't. Even more so, we should focus on making the lives of people with needs better by spreading this fortune throughout the entire year and not just during the holiday season.
Like her brother and grandmother taught her, and Jesus taught us all, we must remember the reason for the season and be thankful for Jesus Christ, our Lord, because no gift is better than the gift he gave us and no ham or turkey is better than the bread of life that is the Gospel.
Merry Christmas and God Bless each and every one!
-BJJ
The 'Other' Sister
Monday, November 30, 2009
The Best of Friends
Proverbs 17:17A friend loveth at all times.
Something that I have always believed is that friends are the only family we're allowed to choose. We don't choose who our parents are, who their parents are, who our siblings are, or who our siblings choose to marry. Fortunately, this part of my life is one of the things that worked out perfectly for me. I was blessed with extraordinary family members. In other faucets of life, however, I have had to forgive those "friends" who trespassed against me.
Like they have always told us, 'you find out who your friends are.' The part they forgot to tell us was how bad it was going to hurt when we 'found out who our friends aren't.' Just as it is in all of the other lessons in life, that part about finding out who your friends aren't stings - sometimes more than others it can really, really sting.
But then once in a while you can come across a friend who shares the same quirky sense of humor, the same sense of Daddy's little tom-boy style, and a mutual amount of respect and admiration. It's hard to understand that this certain friend hasn't shown herself by the time seventh-grade rolls around and it's even harder to digest when you find out that all of those close friendships in high school died right when you were handed that diploma. However, when you take a leap of faith - a big risk - and leave that small-town teenage heaven and aren't under Mom and Daddy's watchful eyes anymore it is worth the reward. At least for me it was. I met this special friend on a Sunday afternoon. Caught in one of those rare moments when it feel like the hour-glass stopped in the middle of it's cycle - defying physics - was this particualr day. Exactly a week before I turned 18, on that late-August afternoon where not only it seemed I was caught between the hot heat of a Southern summer and a promising and comforting Fall but I was in that 'I'm not a girl, not yet a woman' gap that was probably an epitome of every other newly accepted sorostitute on that front yard. I would soon find out that my best friend was in that group of sixty, and just as I had chosen the three deltas across my chest, they had chosen me as well....
The only "family" one can choose.
She told me to call her "Kabbie" but that her real name was Ruth-Kathryn Rains. She went to an all-girls prep school in Memphis, Tennessee and was as pretty in the face as she was in Southern charm. She played sports, no cheerleading uniform. She was a Daddy's girl, a Memphis Tiger die-hard, and her mother's best friend. Her admittance that she actually was from "West Memphis, Arkansas" made her even truer and more fitting as I'm not really from "Orlando, Florida but more small-town suburb - Oviedo" I admitted back. Her family took me in on the Labor Day weekend that I realized everyone was 'going home' but my home was too far away. It wasn't very long until she was my best friend, my confidant, and my friendly rival when we were the only two girls in our new football-crazed state that cared whole-heartedly about college basketball - two different teams, of course.
We linked our families up on Tri-Delt Parents Weekends and we found outselves linked up with the best friend of whoever the other one was dating. We cooked dinner together when we had no boyfriends to cook for, we helped each other learn the in's and out's of parenting dogs, and we never ceased (and still to this day we still not cease) to make a scene wherever we went. More than that though, we always have had each other's back... since that very first day on the lawn of our sorority house. We don't get sappy with eachother in the annoying way that some girls do - we're aware we have other friends, other engagements, and a family in our small-town homes that love us unconditionally. We push eachother's buttons the way that a married couple would but we admit more to eachother than some sisters even would. She drinks Bud Light and I drink Coor's Light, she likes Merlot and I like Chardonnay, she wants to work for a Fotune 500 company and I want to teach preschoolers with disabilities. A
s different as we are, we share that certain, special, cliche-type bond that is a diamond in the mine. Apparently four and a half years went by faster than I ever would have imagined it could. She's packing up her quaint and cozy studio apartment and I'm not emotionally stable enough right now to face it. She's going to be an Alabama Alum in two weeks and occupying a 'big-girl' apartment in downtown Memphis and I'm going to be left here without her. Maybe it just hit me, maybe I realized it all along and that's why every memory I have with her has been special, but I only hope that she leaves Tuscaloosa with a sense of relief from the stress that college wears on you but I most importantly want her to know that she's much of the reason why I am who I am today and I can only hope that I touched her life in some way as well.
Like I said before, she has always shown me mutual respect, admiration, and love and I know this because of the unsaid yet understood - the silent conversation - that came from swinging on the crimson red swing on that 16th Avenue front porch. She'll be missed but not forgotten and I'm pretty sure she is well aware that no friend can ever take her place and no friend will ever hold the same memories as she and I do.
I don't know, though, we'll have to see how the friends that await her in Memphis will handle her dancing skills. Remember this Kabbie: the best kinds of friends laugh in your face.
-BJJ
The 'Other' Sister
P.S. Cheers to many more tomorrows! I love you :)
Monday, November 23, 2009
The sun hasn't shined in days. The notes, outlines, powerpoints, and text chapters seem to have all jumbled together in my mind. The pretty Autumn leaves are on the rain soaked ground and the fog makes it hard to see in the mornings. I feel frumpy in my winter clothes. I'm not going home for Thanksgiving. I can't grasp Environmental Biology and I'm not the biggest fan of the members in my developmental communicative disorders research group. But even on the worst of days, I notice a pretty Alabama wildflower that is perfectly out of place in the shrubbery and I found it even more touching that my heathen-dog saw it, too, and ripped it out of the ground and placed it at my feet before cocking her neck and showing me that precious little wrinkly face.
Even my little discount dog knows I like wildflowers.
Life's not so bad after all.
Even my little discount dog knows I like wildflowers.
Life's not so bad after all.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Far Away Eyes
Regarding my anatomy I fall in to the category of being a "Right-Brain Thinker." In all aspects of my cognitive development that began before my fetal self decided on my gender, my genes and chromosomes had determined that I would be the sort of thinker and learner that is creative in language, writing, random thought, abstract views, and subjectivity. When you really think about it, and have Human Development, Psychology, and Family Studies text books surrounding you, it's funny how the way we do things and who we are isn't just by some random chance or coincidental occurrence. We are who we are because of a lot of things. Yeah, my DNA holds in every little cell in my body the blueprint for my dark brown eyes and dirty blonde hair. My DNA gave me thick eyebrows, pouty lips, chicken legs, and oddly curvy feet. A handsome father and a beautiful mother.
I'm more than thick dirty blonde hair and skinny little legs. It's the life-span, the whole concoction of family, friends, culture, environment, experiences, and morality. These things make us who we truly are.
In my life, I find myself wishing that some of my relationships, with friends or family or boyfriends, were different or that I would have handled certain life experiences in a different way. It's a mind-teasing thing to sit in deep thought at what might have played out differently if things would have been done in another way. The stillness of such deep thought can send you into painful regret or grateful relief. It spins you in circles until you can't bear the thought anymore and sometimes it just stands still in a flood of nostalgia. Whichever way you look at it, the human mind always wonders what could have been or why did I do this and not do that. Then, after we've taken the beating from all the theory, memory, and wonder we find it in ourselves to say we mustn't live in the past and we should worry about today because someone once said, "Today is a gift, that's why we call it the present." But what does that make the past? The pot of gold or a lump of coal? And what is the future? They tell us 'the future is in our hands' but then one day far down the road we'll look back at days like today and sit still in the whole nostalgic gaze wondering thing and contemplate whether or not we did things right.
Everyone wants to put things in sequence. You know what I mean - beginning, middle, and end. Past, present, future. But why? Isn't life just a cluster of experiences that we either enjoy, hate, regret, long for, and embrace? Maybe in my 'Right-Brain' mind I just look at it and think - life just is. Don't get me wrong, I don't think we're all just floating around in some black hole. I believe in God and his son Jesus Christ and I believe in their divine power and I forsake all others. This aspect of who I am is what makes looking at things in whatever part of the sequence a situation is in - the past, the present, or the future - with a sense of security that their is a purpose behind everything. Actually, there is a purpose that we sit alone on our porches thinking about the past. There's a reason we're stuck in the still of that moment but we, as humans, want the answers to fall in our laps. Are we supposed to forget everything about that boy that broke our heart? Were we really supposed to forgive that friend that betrayed us? Did we pick the right place to move? Did we tell that person "I love you" enough times? See.... it drives you crazy.
I've walked around for a couple of weeks with a blank stare. I've been that girl with far-away eyes. I'm not sad, angry, emotionally unstable, nothing like that. I've simply been using that abstract mind I was born with and I've taken in things and thought about things that at one point I forgot to take in and embrace or at one point I promised myself I'd bury in the back of my memory and never think about again. Times of happiness, struggle, joy, sadness, celebration, self-pity, and times when I didn't feel anything - just numbness.
There's no answer, though. That is part of life - how it just is. You can spend hours, days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years spinning around in circles playing the 'what if' game. The only answer I've come up with is that the time spent wondering is time spent wasting. We can't change what happened in our past and we sure as hell can't prevent what is to come in our future. We can fight the current and try to keep our heads above the water but eventually we all surrender and let it carry us away. That's when the divine power saves us and we are reminded once again that purpose defeats all uncertainty. It really is true, I suppose, everything happens for a reason.
-BJJ
The 'Other' Sister
I'm more than thick dirty blonde hair and skinny little legs. It's the life-span, the whole concoction of family, friends, culture, environment, experiences, and morality. These things make us who we truly are.
In my life, I find myself wishing that some of my relationships, with friends or family or boyfriends, were different or that I would have handled certain life experiences in a different way. It's a mind-teasing thing to sit in deep thought at what might have played out differently if things would have been done in another way. The stillness of such deep thought can send you into painful regret or grateful relief. It spins you in circles until you can't bear the thought anymore and sometimes it just stands still in a flood of nostalgia. Whichever way you look at it, the human mind always wonders what could have been or why did I do this and not do that. Then, after we've taken the beating from all the theory, memory, and wonder we find it in ourselves to say we mustn't live in the past and we should worry about today because someone once said, "Today is a gift, that's why we call it the present." But what does that make the past? The pot of gold or a lump of coal? And what is the future? They tell us 'the future is in our hands' but then one day far down the road we'll look back at days like today and sit still in the whole nostalgic gaze wondering thing and contemplate whether or not we did things right.
Everyone wants to put things in sequence. You know what I mean - beginning, middle, and end. Past, present, future. But why? Isn't life just a cluster of experiences that we either enjoy, hate, regret, long for, and embrace? Maybe in my 'Right-Brain' mind I just look at it and think - life just is. Don't get me wrong, I don't think we're all just floating around in some black hole. I believe in God and his son Jesus Christ and I believe in their divine power and I forsake all others. This aspect of who I am is what makes looking at things in whatever part of the sequence a situation is in - the past, the present, or the future - with a sense of security that their is a purpose behind everything. Actually, there is a purpose that we sit alone on our porches thinking about the past. There's a reason we're stuck in the still of that moment but we, as humans, want the answers to fall in our laps. Are we supposed to forget everything about that boy that broke our heart? Were we really supposed to forgive that friend that betrayed us? Did we pick the right place to move? Did we tell that person "I love you" enough times? See.... it drives you crazy.
I've walked around for a couple of weeks with a blank stare. I've been that girl with far-away eyes. I'm not sad, angry, emotionally unstable, nothing like that. I've simply been using that abstract mind I was born with and I've taken in things and thought about things that at one point I forgot to take in and embrace or at one point I promised myself I'd bury in the back of my memory and never think about again. Times of happiness, struggle, joy, sadness, celebration, self-pity, and times when I didn't feel anything - just numbness.
There's no answer, though. That is part of life - how it just is. You can spend hours, days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years spinning around in circles playing the 'what if' game. The only answer I've come up with is that the time spent wondering is time spent wasting. We can't change what happened in our past and we sure as hell can't prevent what is to come in our future. We can fight the current and try to keep our heads above the water but eventually we all surrender and let it carry us away. That's when the divine power saves us and we are reminded once again that purpose defeats all uncertainty. It really is true, I suppose, everything happens for a reason.
-BJJ
The 'Other' Sister
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