Life's A Dance

Many self-revelations have vividly shown themselves to me lately. It's funny that some things in life, the good and the bad and yeah, the ugly too, happen when you least expect them. I, of all people, am very aware that life is just a wild and crazy rollercoaster with it's ups and downs and twists and turns. All we can do is hold on tight and ride it out. But, if you never throw your hands in the air and have a little fun then life's rollercoaster is one big scary amusement that you have no control over. And with all that fear, well, there's no way to to get the thrills and joy out of the ride, and trust me, that's what makes the ride - the journey - the experience so well worth it.

Over the past three weeks or so, ever since I started a new semester in school, I have realized the things that I thought were in 'perfect order' or what I thought was 'meant to be' was really just another phase of my life or another hump on my rollercoaster ride. I found good in it though, I mean it's the only way to get through the disappointments and trials. This phase of my life might not have been all gravy but it did allow me to learn lessons, it helped me discover a little bit more of the 'true me', and it prepared me for what may be my next big challenge in life.

Now, no boyfriend, no May graduation ceremony (thanks to my internship placement not being this term but rather the summer term), and no real agenda other than the 17 credit hours of Human Development and Early Childhood classes on my school schedule. But, luckily and oh so gratefully, my life is not all tears, doubts, guilt, sadness, and moping around aimlessly these days. I dance. I sing in the shower. I hang out with my truest of friends. And I give myself the credit I deserve instead of allowing anyone or anything to bring me down. I guess you could say that I truly recognize that I am young, willing, and able. I CAN make a difference in people's lives as long as I'm around the friends and family that encourage me and support my dreams.

I have finally been able to find strength in my moments of weakness. I'm content with the parts of my past that I regret, and I am humbled by how much I have to be thankful for instead of dwelling over things. Especially things like a guy who never really wanted to know the real me or a post-poned graduation date. I'm just grateful for the amazing friends that keep me happy from day-to-day, for a good ole vinyl record that lets me dance when I feel like dancing, and for the gift and ability to go to a school like Alabama and knowing I'm not far away from that Bachelor of Science degree.

You know how they say that there comes a time in one's life when all you see are years passing by or we let time define who we are in regard to how far along we are, how successfull are we by age 25, 30, 40, and can we retire at 55? We rush our youth because we just want to grow up and we so frequently say "I can't wait to get out of here so I can START my life"...? Well not me. Those days of saying things in that regard are over for me. There's too much in each day to enjoy and so much we miss out on when we're in this big hurry to get to the next stage of our life. To develop into the next age group or social class. Well I think that's petty and selfish and it only robs us of living the life we ourselves have chosen. Yeah, I'm anxious about graduating and where I'm going to be six months from now but that doesn't mean I don't seize the day and slow down to take a look at all the beautiful people living their own mysterious lives, to take in the blessings of nature, and cherish the wholesome love of my family and my friends. I'm not a career-woman, a mom, or a wife yet. So why do I worry about those things when I could be using that energy to make the best out of being a single college student who is surrounded by 25,000 peers who are dancing to the beat of their own drum. There's no need to worry about the people who don't want you in their lives. It's been so dramatically revealed to me that it's time that I stop hurrying this all-too-fun phase of my life and worrying about people in my past who apparently don't want to be a part of my future and just start living. Because it's true... I'm living the good life.

I'm happy, I'm enjoying all the things in life that I've tended to forget to slow down and embrace, I'm in a peaceful state of mind, and I'm enjoying my studies and I do not dwell on my setbacks. Because I know that people who changed the world didn't do it out of perfection... they had setbacks. Einstein, John Lennon, Princess Diana, Walt Disney, and so many other beautiful people had their own personal disasters and times of tribulation.

So who am I to let a break-up, an extra two months of school, or mistakes from my past be the things that define me? They've all taught me lessons, for sure. But it is the way that I choose to apply those lessons to my life that are the factors that define me. The people, the situations, the problems, the trials, the uphill battles... they don't define me at all. And by no means would I change myself to be any different than I am just so someone will love me or accept me. I'm just a misfit, a crazy one, a girl who dreams big and gains strength for my tomorrows by embracing empowerment from all of my yesterdays. It's like someone once said,

"Always be who are, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Touche, my friend. Touche.

That has been my biggest issue here the past month or so. I have great friends who make me dig a little deeper to find my true meaning and they encourage me to chase down my dreams. Where others, well, they either didn't believe in me or they didn't believe in my dreams. For a while I was without some of the most important people in my life. My best friend, because of our gender difference, was more of an acquaintance for a while. My roommates, who are uplifting and give me a positive energy, were hard to keep company with because of our different groups of friends, social schedules, and love lives. But now, as if it was an unsaid new years resolution, I have those friends back in my life and they are the ones that give me a reason to wake up with a smile on my face in the morning and who allow me to lay my head down at night with a state of mind filled with peace and happiness and so, so many cherished blessings.

They like me for who I am. They love me for not backing down and blending in with the crowd. Because they are unique, open-minded, not judgmental, and original, they love me back for all the same reasons. My record collection and peace signs and Janis Joplin obsession. My pearls, Cole Haan loafers, and oxford button-downs. My tiedye, vests, and boot collection. My passions for journalism and children with special needs. Cofee in the morning with my roommate Jackie and early morning grilled cheese sandwiches with my best guy friend. Planning a trip to Austin, Texas with my good friend Kayley and dancing in the bathroom with Kathleen to cheer up our brokenhearted friend Kathryn. It's the friends like that who truly make this world a wonderful and beautiful place.

Joy IS everywhere. Not just in romantic relationships or A+ term papers. Sure, those can set fire to your soul while they last or give you one good kick in the ass of self-confidence... but then what? Where are you going to find joy when the heartbreak comes and goes and it hits you that there truly was a reason you broke up or how about when you get a C- on a lab report and rains on that perfect term paper's parade? Just dig a little deeper... get a glimpse of who you are and go with it. And never, never, NEVER, let anyone tell you to be someone or something that you aren't. The unique, confident, and self-driven person is one of the prettiest things you could ever see. So....

Download a song. Donate to a charity like 'Hope for Haiti'. Take a bubble bath. Watch a Chick-Flick. Write a blog. Keep a journal. Make something funky out of old clothes you don't wear anymore. A bike ride. A museum. An arboretum. A bookstore. A coffee house. Sit under a tree. Go for a swim in freshwater. Shop at a thrift store. Train for a road race. Pick some wildflowers. Feed the ducks at the lake. Draw. Paint. Sculpt. Sing.

But most importantly..... dance. Stop holding on to the rollercoaster so tight and let go, have a little fun, enjoy the ride. Let's face it, you've got to.

Because life's a dance - and you learn as you go.

Peace and Love and all of life's blessings,

BJJ

♫ ☮ ♥

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel as if I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst... and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday." -American Beauty (1999)