I write to discover what I think.
-Joan Didion
I do have to stop every once in a while and give a little thanks to this blog for helping me through some rain storms. Over the past year, I sort of devoted a part of myself to this whole self-discovery and self-actualization whirlwind I found myself in. One of the smartest decisions I have ever made was to commit myself to finding out just what it was that God was trying to tell me.
Some of those things have been little decisions, but in the end I realize that the little waves here and there are what carry you to a safe shore. The waves can sometimes resemble the movie The Perfect Storm and I have had my fair share of those this year, but it's the combination of big and little waves that either tear you up or push you to closer to a lighthouse. With each swell that entered my life in the past year, there is no way I could have survived some of them without the help I get from writing. I've always been a writer and I have come to find out that it is one of those things that stays with you. Just like running. Do I hit the trails for 7-9 mile runs on Monday nights like I did with my cross-country team back in the day? No. But do I see the world through a runner's philosophy... and go on a trail here and there just to smell the woods and reach that 'high'... yes. Just like that, I view the world through a writer's eyes. I look for things to write about, I snap a photo with a blog-idea in mind, and I talk exactly how I write. It's a style, and I hope more times than not I pull it off with a little grace, as well.
But in a blogger-world, we are FREE to say whatever the heck we want. It's a column, where opinions and biased sways are allowed. Trust me, when I was a newspaper reporter for the Lions Tale in high school, they made sure my opinionated little brat-ass was a columnist - and STILL double-checked the edits in my column-box because I could be known to be a real spitfire when it came to speaking my mind. (Remember, the cheerleaders hated me for a while for writing a column about them being athletes, but that cheerleading is not a sport. Again, I hold my argument on this subject with that same claim.) But here in Blogville, this entire page is mine to behold. I can make it look the way I want and I can paint it with the words I want to say. I'm sorry if that has ever offended anyone, but feel free to quit reading whenever you want.
So, some may wonder why I air my clean and dirty laundry on this blog. Here is you answer: it helps me. It has guided me through a time in my life that I needed a canvas to paint and become me. I have to type things out sometimes to organize my thoughts and to be honest, sometimes I would MUCH RATHER be writing in my journals as opposed to this Hewlett-Packard laptop. But, I watched so many thoughts - ideas - words - and lists - go up in flames and are never to be read again. On one hand, I have found it to be a blessing that some of those journal entries will never be read again, but on the other hand I cannot help but miss them. In the grand scheme, though, I have to be ever grateful for this blog because it recorded so many thoughts of mine that weren't destroyed in the fire. Out in that great, big world wide web that we have all come to know and love so well were my words, thoughts, and photos just waiting for me to continue on and keep putting out there.
You see, being a writer of this blog means more to me than just voicing my every thought. This blog was a part of me before I lost a lot of me, there for a while. The past 7 months have been wonderously emotional for me, and I have dug, scratched, and scraped to find the "real me" under all the outward expression. If it weren't for the help of this blog... being there to remind me who I was before my world went upside down, and for continuing to be here for me to splash with all sorts of my colors and emotions, I just wouldn't be who I am.
I guess I truly am a writer. But even better, I've become a teacher for myself and hopefully to others. For that, I can be happy.
peace and love
baily
It was so important for me to lose everything, because I found out what the most important thing is, which is to stay true to yourself.
-Ellen DeGeneres
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