i need to stop and ask directions now..

I've always told myself

"if you don't know where you're going...

any road will get you there."

I think I was right.

Everyone has been joking with me about my "gypsy" self.  No one seems to think I am ever content where I am. I'm not unhappy, I don't feel as if my location determines my happiness, I just have these dreams that I don't want to miss out on.

I was asked in one of my classes to write a prompt about what my biggest fear was.

The instructor had us write it because it was a senior seminar class and

all of us are about to soar into these big bad world and see if our wings are ready.

Growing up is just a series of being little baby birds while our mama bird feeds us.

Mom and Dad pay the bills, sister drops everything she's doing to help you, friends aren't hard to make, and big decisions are cushioned with the excuse that "we're young, we're supposed to make mistakes." Our mama birds, there are many.

So as I wrote this prompt about what my biggest fear was, I didn't write anything about me being petrified of the dentist. I didn't write about alligators, sharks, and snakes. I didn't write about terminal illnesses or tragic endings. I wrote about one thing, and it's the one thing that freaks the hell out of me.

I don't know where I'm going.

Call it anxiety, call it senioritis, call it crazy. I call it terrifying.

It's hard to plan when you don't have a plan. I never wanted a life's agenda. I try to take it one day at a time, live for the moment, and let it be. But, that's when I knew I wasn't going anywhere until I graduated. I knew year after year that I was going to be in Tuscaloosa. Before that, I knew I'd lay my head down every night in the little place I call "home" and when that chapter was over, I knew I was going to go off to school and get a degree.. somewhere.

Now, what is it that I "know" of? Nothing. I can't even comprehend what all this entails.

But it's the question that E V E R Y O N E wants to ask me.

Half the time I just shout out something that sounds good:

Austin, San Francisco, Nashville, Charlotte, Raleigh, Asheville.

Who am I kidding though? I don't know jack. Would someone please help me out here. I've got three months (to the day) until I FINALLY get that degree.

Then whaaaaaaaaaaat????

peaceandlove

baibai