Destiny

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time." -Forrest Gump

My friends have always joked with me about my cynicism and sarcastic nature when it comes to topics of fantasy, fairy-tale, destiny, and fate. I'm deemed unworthy of happiness and doomed to fail by my bright-eyed and bushy-tailed girlfriends who believe in happily ever-afters just as much as they did when they were eight years-old. My guy friends are a little more tolerable of my realistic outlook on this subject. In relationships, some take it to be a personal message from me to them despite that not always being the case. I've been told that I was a pessimist and that I should try to be more optimistic when it comes to 'everything happening for a reason', as the cliche goes. However, I consider myself neither a pessimist nor an optimist, but rather - a realist. A realist is someone who looks at the reality of situations without manipulating it as either negative or positive. Instead, a realist looks at a situation as a whole and considers a situation's factors and outcomes in their entirety. Therefore, I look at the 'destiny' and 'fate' topics with a more realist-oriented mind.

I do believe in happily ever-after. I believe in serendipity, destiny, and fate. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe in fairy tales. I know what it is like to dream big and I know what it feels like to reach a goal that was set. However, I don't believe we just sit back and watch it all happen. My belief is that we all play an intricate role in determining whether our life ends up with either a happy ending, an epic or heroic conclusion, a horrible and painful ending, or a cliff-hanging end that puts us all on hold for the sequel to come out. I do believe that fate and destiny exist by giving you the hand you were dealt. What you do with those cards is up to you, however. Depending on the choices you make, your feelings and emotions, your core values and morality, and many other factors, is whether your personal life story is worth making a movie out of, and if it is - what is the genre? Would you be an Oscar-winning drama or a horror story? Would you be a tragedy of misfortunate events, or a black and white film without any splash of color? A comedy? An epic tale? Maybe fate and destiny dealt you a jackpot winning hand by making a Disney Princess movie out of you. Nonetheless, you are given the opportunity to play the hand you are dealt which means that every thing doesn't 'just happen', you can make them happen or prevent them from happening.

As a little girl the movie Forrest Gump, my all-time favorite, could use it's dialogue to teach me some of life's important lessons. Today, I still use some of the memorable quotes said by Forrest, Jenny, Ms. Gump, Lieut. Dan, and Bubba in order to relate to my own life. Most of us have all probably seen this movie, released in 1994, that portrayed revolutions that filled the United States in the 21st century. Like a U.S. History textbook had come to life, we learned about Vietnam as well as segregation in the South and the historical 'stand at the schoolhouse door' that took place at the University of Alabama. We learned about the Anti-Vietnam hippie-movement, the 1960 drug culture, and the storied musical era. We learned about political assassinations, the Watergate Scandal, and the military. We saw Elvis, Bear Bryant, and The Beatles. We watched a boy with special needs grow up, become a hero, fall in love with his best friend, become a millionaire, and bury his only love after she lost her battle with HIV/AIDS. Loving these characters was the only option I was given when I was first introduced to this movie fifteen years ago.

However, when I first saw this movie at age eight, I obviously did not relate in the same ways I do now. When young Jenny would pray "Dear Lord, make me a bird so I can fly far. Far, far away from here" I related when I was having a bad day in school or was sad due to the miniscule personal tragedies that taunt a third-grader. Now, I relate to older Jenny when she throws rocks at her old house and Forrest narrates by saying "Sometimes, I guess, there just aren't enough rocks." After being hurt, lost, and wandering in the world, I know the intense pain that your past can hold over you. Regrets, guilt, disappointments - sometimes throwing it all back doesn't equal a full relief of the pain and eventually you run out of rocks to throw. Maybe that's why my take on destiny and fate differs from most other girls. Maybe they still have rocks to throw, maybe they never wandered outside of their comfort zone so they have no reason to look at it from my perspective. Maybe the pessimistic girls were hurt even worse than I was by past relationships and therefore they feel as if all signs lead to negativity and as if they can't throw some of the rocks back at where they came from.

Forrest, narrating another pearl of wisdom from Ms. Gump says, "My momma always said, sometimes we've got to put the past behind us in order to move on." This quote has sought me through more trials than I can remember and also plays a factor in my personal views of the topics on destiny, fate, and serendipity. It has a way of explaining that the past affects our future only in the way that we want it to that helped me to develop the way I looked at life - it's opportunities, it's setbacks, it's risks, and it's rewards. Putting the past behind you in order to move on has always been an incredible truth in my life and it has helped me gain perspective on life's most important lessons - love, family, and happiness.

Lately, my ability to put the past where it belongs - behind me - and my recognition of destiny being both a thing of 'chance' as well as a thing of 'choices', I have seen fate at work in my personal life. I've witnessed serendipity and I've found a level of contentment that I have never felt before, yet I somehow knowingly accept my new happiness as 'what's meant to be will be.' I've let friendships that were empty of intimacy and mutual respect become things of the past in order to move forward into new chapters in my life. I've moved on in school, romantic happiness, and personal confidence because of the choices I've made in my life when fate and destiny deal me a new hand. I've left things behind because destiny and fate have given me new chances, and sometimes it's more fun, and a better decision, to be out with the old and in with the new so as to be lucky enough to experience serendipity for the first time in your life. Trust me.

Forrest asked his mother, "What's my destiny, Mama?"

She answered by saying, "You're going to have to figure that out for yourself."

Each of us are given opportunities, chances, consequences, and rewards throughout our entire lives. Sometimes destiny and fate help us out a little or cut us break; sometimes they're absent and we feel like we are going to be stuck spending our whole life searching for meaning and purpose. But in my life - and my realistic perspective makes this even sweeter - my destiny and fate presented themselves for the first time when I least expected it. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, I am a true believer. When I was at a point in my life that I least believed in happy endings and I was bitter toward my lack of 'everything happening for a reason,' I was dealt a new hand, I played my cards right, and I know serendipity on a personal level now.

I used to wish I never had to experience the turbulence and setbacks that hurt me so badly, the ones that left me wounded and scarred. I wish some of my past mistakes would go away at the throw of a rock. Now, however, I am grateful for all of my experiences - because without pain and without hurting how are we supposed to know how good it feels when the pain and hurt go away? Without a bumpy past, how would we know the smooth ride we're on today is the better feeling one?

"You have to do the best with what God gave you." -Ms. Gump

-bjj

the 'other' sister