Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Little Things

I have always found myself guilty of not looking at the 'big picture' in many situations. Even though I am not one to pay much attention to details, I am one to dwell on the 'little things'. Sometimes, this habit is a good thing; I can find happiness and warmth in knowing that someone noticed the little things in life that make me happy. Other times, it is a bad thing; I dwell on the partiality in many cases. I've observed this self-behavior in all areas of my life - friends, relationships, school, family, my interests.

The other day I got to thinking, do other people notice this behavior of mine? I wonder if it is a barrier in some of my relationships with friends, family, and love interests. On the other hand, I wonder if it is something that can be seen as admirable. I obviously don't know the answer to this question. All I know for sure is, I am glad that I am able to pinpoint the behaviors I portray because, in my opinion, it is the only way I can move forward in my quest for self-discovery. Most importantly, I must look at the pro's and con's of my personality as a whole. The problem here is, looking at something holistically is my inner conflict in the first place.

I have always remembered that there is a difference between confidence and being conceited. In my younger years, coming across people who were conceited and self-indulgent seemed to happen more often than now. I can assume the reason behind this is the fact that most people have been knocked on their asses (for lack of better words) a few good times. In these cases, most people seem to rely on confidence to get back on their two feet and after a few good stumbles the conceit eventually goes away. Unfortunately, confidence can go away when people stumble as well. This, in fact, is why I am grateful for the confidence I still have because let's be honest - I've hit rock bottom a time or two. Admitting that I struggle when it comes to looking at 'the big picture', I can truthfully say that the 'little things' are usually the main reason behind my comebacks. In my life, failure could be more dominate if it were not for the many small gestures from friends, or the notes of encouragement I receive in the mail from my mother, or a bouquet of flowers sent from someone at home. The confidence that comes from random acts of kindness is exactly the kind of confidence that empowers success and diminishes failure. The 'little things' are without a doubt an important part in creating the big picture.

In my life there are so many 'little things' that I can recall. When my sister and I open presents to one another on Christmas Eve rather than Christmas. Seeing a young child place a dollar bill in the offering plate on Sunday morning. The feel of a new pair of socks. A dance with Daddy. The smell of my house in Florida. Sunflowers and Daisies. Mom's Key lime pie. The way my brother-in-law looks at my sister. The inside jokes only shared with my best friend and when a boy opens the car door. The little things that are sometimes over-looked in the hustle and bustle of every day life. Sometimes, slowing down and giving a thankful nod to the things that get me through each day is exactly the relief I need. Even more so when I am fighting through a troublesome phase in my life; those times are when I need the 'little things' more than anything in the world and I must say that I am fortunate that the random acts show themselves and carry me through.

Having a father who was diagnosed with cancer was the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. Sitting in the chair next to him during his chemotherapy treatments, conversations about life, and his appreciation when I would attempt to make him a smoothie or juice drink, were what got me through the toughest of days. Giving away my sister to be married was emotional but a monogrammed handkerchief she wove in to the stem of my bouquet reminded me she was only changing her name, not changing all together. The simple gesture was a reality that she would always care about me and look after me. Chicken nugget Happy Meals with my grandmother on Fridays. The Hershey kisses that are always at my bedside when I spend the night with Nana and Papaw. My favorite beer in the refrigerator when I visit my Aunt and Uncle. The way 'Miss Bai' sounds coming from the excitement of the children I nanny. Walking through Christmas lights and dying eggs at Easter.

I swear I could write a book by just listing the little things that give me hope, help me keep the faith, and reassure me that I am loved. It's good for the heart, even when broken or jaded. It's an easy way to put an honest smile on your face. Giving recognition to the 'little things' helps you remember that the big picture isn't so bad after all... no matter where you are in life. Nonetheless, it is a way to rebuild your confidence and give you something to be grateful for - and let's not kid ourselves, we all need that once in a while.

-bjj
the 'other' sister


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

January 19, 1943 - October 4, 1970

(I meant to post a blog on October 4th in memoriam for the "Queen of the Blues." )

Janis Joplin died in an L.A. hotel room on October 4, 1970 while recording her album 'Pearl.' The post-humous album included "Me and Bobby McGee," "Mercedez Benz," and "Buried Alive In The Blues." At age 27, she had fans falling in love with her and her music. She was engaged to the man of her dreams, Seth Morgan, but cried to her Bobby McGee, Kris Kristofferson.
Ironically enough, the day Janis was found dead on the floor of the L.A. hotel room, she was scheduled to finish the recording and edits on the song "Buried Alive In The Blues." She was supposed to spend that night in the hotel with Seth Morgan, but his womanizing ways found him bedding a waitress in San Francisco and not with his soon-to-be wife. Her excessive heroin use, cocaine use, and chugging of Southern Comfort didn't mix well in the lonely, blues-singing heart and soul of Janis that night. The 'Queen of the Blues' was almost a martyr to her own destiny when she was quoted, on more than one occassion, to foreshadow what lie ahead of her.

Her former lover, Jimi Hendrix, was dead only a few weeks when Janis finally went too far with her self-destructive ways. After Hendrix perished in London, Janis was quoted, "I can't say that I was shocked. I guess this just decreases my chances. Two rockstars can't die in the same year." Seeming invincible, Janis assured her worrying friends and Texas family that "Nothing will ever happen to me." In the twenty months leading up to October of 1970, she had overdosed six times and one being almost fatal. On October 4, she was dead and a part of rock-and-roll's "Forever Twenty Seven" club.

The way she expressed the intense emotions of life in a pure, honest, and riveting way left her fans needing that release. Only, she was dead. Never before was a raspy, beatnik from Texas so relative to everyone that listened to her. In twenty-seven years, she did more than most will do in a lifetime. Yet, she felt the same feelings that her fans did. She was human. She got too drunk, she made mistakes, she loved, she never felt loved, and she wanted more. Always wanting more, until too much was too much.

She drifted, always feeling lonely and alone. She left her parents in Port Arthur to study at the University of Texas. She hitch-hiked to Greenwich Village, she rode a bus to Berkeley, she found a home in San Francisco. Unlike anything my generation will ever know, she was a young and ambitious adult in a time where music was what kept the world going. Not Wall Street, not civil rights. Music. You were for 'peace', which was only found in music, or you were for 'war', which wasn't found in her neck of the woods. She released herself from her bindings in music. When music wasn't enough she turned to booze - always Southern Comfort, of course! When booze wasn't enough she turned to cocaine. Cocaine turned in to heroin.

When it seemed like the 'Queen of the Blues' was finally figuring it out, she let her last 'release' go too far. At age twenty-seven, she was dead. She left one final gift to the world. Her album, "Pearl." The album was filled with Janis. Screaming her words like only she could do, exploding her soul into her lyrics and proving that fame doesn't make you immortal. She was lonely, she was depressed, and she didn't think anyone could hear her.

On October 4th, 1970 the world heard her. They heard the silence. They lost inspiration. They lost liveliness of her performances. They lost Janis Joplin. Silence.

Her motto, "The more you live, the less you die." was perfectly fitting for the twenty-seven years of her life. What could have killed her way before her fatal night was what kept her alive. She lived up to people's expectations even when people didn't live up to hers. "People like their blues singers miserable. They like their blues singers to die afterwards."

Her need for her audience's adoration was enormous. When she got it, she claimed that was the only thing that made her feel. She compared performing and moving her audience to feel what she is feeling to 'having a baby' and 'falling in love twenty times.'

It makes you wonder what she may have accomplished had she continued her legacy and not become a legend so soon. If she had seen what the album "Pearl" did for blues, rock, and soul music. It is hard to fathom what music in general would have been like if Janis lived another few decades.

We may have never known Madonna. Me may have never known Stevie Nicks. We may have never known Courteney Love or Mariah Carey. Sheryl Crowe or Celine Dion.

What we do know is that no one can touch the heart and soul of America the way Janis Joplin did. A small-town girl with dreams bigger than Texas. A tomboy, a beatnik, a gypsy.

Her career that turned into what she called "the whole success thing" was always embarked upon by staying true and righteous to herself. In all aspects of life she vowed she'd stay real. One of her most famous quotes was "Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." Nothing else said could prove this more true than the life she lived and the legacy she left. She never compromised, she never was anything but human.

No one can turn vocals and instrumentals into the sublime power of one's heart, soul, whole self, the way she could. Her words were relative, her music was riveting, and her performance was empowering.

What is it about this woman that I'm so intrigued and inspired by, many ask. Why do I love her as if I knew her? She was real. She was lonely. She was yelling but no one could hear her. She had passion. She was a musician because it made her feel good. She didn't want money, she wanted the experience. She was a tomboy. She let no one's expectations be limitations. She was boundless, out there, and made being 'different' something to be proud of.

Janis, as she described herself, was 'one of those regular weird people.'

-bjj

the 'other' sister

Download these Janis Joplin favs:

- A Woman Left Lonely
- Ball And Chain
- Me and Bobby McGee
- Mercedez Benz
- Tell Mama
- Piece Of My Heart
- Little Girl Blue
- Down On Me
- San Francisco Bay Blues

And, remember... "Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got."













Monday, October 19, 2009

Florida Girls

Although I was born in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, I spent the majority of my 'growing up' years in Florida. Only two months after I began kindergarten in Asheville, NC my father's promotion moved us to 'The Sunshine State.' Our family's vacations to Disney World in Orlando and to the charming Marco Island in the Gulf of Mexico had set the standard for what my imagination had created as I made my move from our shared hometown to our new beginning. Unable to comprehend it back then, I was unaware of the completely different lifestyle I would grow up knowing for the next seventeen years.

Oviedo, Florida (above)

Granted, I have been a year-round studen t at Alabama for four years now. My residency still h as the status of Florida citizen, however. This month marks seventeen years of Florida-hood for the Jones Family. My sister graduated from high school in 2003 and moved to Birmingham, Alabama to attend Samford University - the lovely, small, private school that sits atop rolling hills that are impressively and neatly defined with landscaping perfection. She said good-bye to her little sister, who still had two years of high school left, and set out into the wild blue yonder. Like most things about my sister's life -her college choice fit her perfectly. The perfect, 'to a tee' fit that Samford University provided for her was an impossible stretch of some people's imagination it seemed. To the three of us she left at home, no imagination was needed. Her acceptance to this school and decision to go there were easy for us. She was made for small and intimate places that gave opportunity to a challenging four years of education and a hard-earned and honored nursing degree. Wake Forrest, UNC-Chapel Hill, and Vanderbilt also seemed fitting but like I would experience two years later upon making my college decision - when you know, you know. For us, we knew Ashley and we knew when we were in Alabama visiting Samford that it would not be our last visit to neither the Southern state nor the school. Maybe the fact that a small, private, Christian affiliated college in Birmingham seemed undesirable to the typical student in central Florida. However, she was not typical. She stood out from the crowd of peers.

She swam up-river to a place that would provide a breath of fresh air at the first sign of Fall and Autumn. She didn't swim with the schools of fish that went to Tampa, Gainesville, and Tallahassee or with the one's that simply stayed put to attend community college or go to nearby University of Central Florida. Neither of us considered the Florida schools that were well-known and popular to attend by fellow graduates of our high school.

When I graduated from Oviedo High School in 2005, I had made my decision about where I would attend school that coming August. After debating whether to go back 'home' to a school in Carolina or to move near Ashley and attend Auburn University or The University of Alabama, I decided on The University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa. "Why?" people would ask instantaneously. The number of reasons far surpassed any reasons why I would want to stay in Florida. The fact that I would be attending a school in a place other than the beloved city of Chapel Hill if I chose to head back to my home state was too hard to grasp. A disappointment in Auburn that resulted in an instant hatred for the school that sat on the East side of the state made Tuscaloosa and The University of Alabama feel sacred to me and I developed an instant passion and love for my future school and future town. Only 50 miles down the interstate from the hill that perched Samford University, I have always been able to see my sister often and make it convenient for our parents and their weekend visits to the deep South's "Bible-belt."

Alligators in Lake Jessup, Oviedo, FL (below)

While we experience the change of seasons - Summer to Fall, Fall to Winter, Winter to Spring, and Spring back to Summer - our peers experience the dull but high-heat of Florida sunshine and the suffocating feeling of Central Florida humidity. While Ashley experienced close personal relationships with her professors at Samford where enrollment averaged 5,500 undergraduates; our peers went to mega-size universities such as UF and UCF where enrollment is 50,000 to 60,000 and only continuing to grow. From my window on the fourth floor of the fourteen in Tutwiler Hall, I could look a block away at the freshmen sorority pledges in cocktail dresses and high heels overflowing the lawns of the sorority mansions on Magnolia Drive and in to the student section of Bryant-Denny Stadium with a boy wearing a coat and tie on her arm. We left palm trees for giant oak trees and beautiful, blossoming dogwood trees. We made friends from Atlanta, Memphis, Mobile, and New Orleans. We went out on dates with boys who had their mother's maiden name and natural Southern charm. We pledged Chi Omega and Delta Delta Delta by fitting in at our respective schools and showing our own charm and well-mannered upbringing. We fit in but it didn't change the fact that we were the minority - being from Florida made us a minority group.

Proving that we were sisters despite our different styles and personalities was our common ground of standing up for your beliefs that was as strong as the argument that made up my great-grandfather's legal cases when he was a Wake Forrest Lawyer and an outspoken member of North Carolina's Public School System. The fire that would run through us when we would protect one another, was a hot temper controlled by poise and grace just like our Mom taught us in true spirit of women in the South.

We preferred different flavored ice cream from one another but loved all the cuisine that defined our upbringing. Pudding was meant to be banana, it's a Coke whether Classic, Diet, or called Sprite. We could spit our own watermelon seed out in a lady-like way in order to keep our favorite fruit in July as natural as we could. Our hometown knew Southern food, and made sure it was served with utmost hospitality. Tea was nothing short or sweet and rice, potatoes, biscuits, and meat were supposed to be served with gravy. All vegetables can taste good fried and we prefer a menu item we can actually pronounce and if truly a Southern dish, can give away just what area of the Southern region your from. Both of us being one part Carolina girl and one part Florida girl, we each know our seafood and we both enjoy good, homemade grits at any time of the day. Oviedo's famed 'Mom and Pop' restaurant, "The Townhouse", does breakfast just right and is probably why even our Yankee friends enjoy the small-town's "place to be" atmosphere. The 'Oviedo Chickens' that hang out on the street corners of downtown Oviedo underneath signage that warns drivers to yield and stop for our bird friends as they walk from the restaurant to the ironically enough Popeye's Chicken establishment next door and across the street to the First Baptist Church's sprawling campus.

The Town House Restaurant, Downtown Oviedo, FL (above)


Each of us being tagged a "Florida Girl" in our new Alabama home was something we didn't necessarily brag about but also did not mind admitting. Many of my new friends in Tuscaloosa have only Destin, Pensacola, Disney World, and Miami to think of when they picture life as a full-time resident rather than only one of the millions of Florida vacationers. I received a somewhat odd amount of sad looks on the day I confirmed their worst fear: the fact that NO, I DID NOT GO TO DISNEY WORLD EVERY DAY JUST BECAUSE I LIVED IN METRO-ORLANDO. AND NO, EVEN AS A KINDERGARDENER FROM NORTH CAROLINA I NEVER ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LIVE IN CINDERELLA'S CASTLE. As if I had just told them Santa Claus wasn't actually real but rather a childhood fantasy, they looked at me in astonishment were honestly appalled at my lack of taking advantage of my living so close to Walt Disney World. I lived in a real house in a country club community, not in a beach condo that was surrounded by cheesy beach-themed restaurants and mega surf shops. This, too, came as a surprise to my new sorority-girl friends. When we go home for holidays and visits, we meet our group of small-town twenty something year olds at a biker bar that shares a water-front view with our local fish camp sitting on our famous pool of fresh water - Lake Jessup. Sticking in your toes to feel the water is comparable to sticking your finger in an electric socket while dripping wet. The lake is recreational only to the large population of airboat owners in our town. You are guaranteed to see an alligator from your own table if you bring an Oviedian with you - we can spot those red eyes from a mile away. My friends from Memphis and New Orleans understand what I mean when I break the news that we don't party it up with the rich and famous in South Beach like some of them imagined a Florida upbringing would involve. Just as they have other realistic things they do rather than hanging out with the tourist on Beale Street and Bourbon Street. In my small hometown we prefer a rowdy get together with old friends at The Black Hammock, Froggers, or The Hitching Post. As patrons in downtown Orlando at high-end clubs, bars, and other establishments we don't look like a bunch of hillbilly bumpkins. With true small-town kid attitude we act like we run our town, we relax in denim, boots, and pearls. When we downtown or to the layed-brick of Park Avenue in Winter Park where the infamous Rollin's College yupsters and former prep-school trouble-makers and their entourage seem impressed by a group of sorority-clad girls from UF, Florida State, Alabama that show their own sophisticated style of the always loved, Southern girl. The number of similarities being up there with the number of differences in our Florida style and Alabama style, has always made the transition from school back home and from home back up to school and easy feat.

We did it well, however, because Alabama had called us there for a reason and no Florida school had ever really interested us. We were Southerners from North Carolina who came from a long line of hard-working and successful people on both the Redmon, Fox, Pless and Jones sides of our deeply rooted family tree. We grew up in a small-yet-booming town of Oviedo in the nature-loving county of Seminole County where swamps and lakes add charm to a town that for decades has revolved around the Oviedo High a class 6A school, which earns highest honors for academics, athletics, and arts year after year - seemingly equal and sometimes even higher than the preparatory schools that are found few and far between in the public-school dominated Seminole and Orange counties that make up the Orlando area.

When I pledged Tri-Delta at Alabama in August of 2005 I was the only pledge, out of fifty-eight girls in my pledge class, that hailed from Florida. The only other members of the sorority from Florida were 2003 private school graduates from Pensacola, FL. The panhandle, usually not even considered "true Florida" to the peninsula's residents, is definitely a different lifestyle than the Jacksonville, Orlando, Tampa, and Miami havens. So, my Orlando-area hometown and the age margin between the veteran Florida Tri-Delt's made my acceptance to the very tradition-oriented and very Southern group of women was considered a high honor and an impressive feat by my fellow pledge sisters and even by the one, two, and three year veterans. I had to remember that Florida was a vacation destination to my friends, not a home. They seemed to not comprehend, but be amazed by, Florida being someone's home state. My fear of sticking out like a sore thumb, despite my shared upbringing and values as the girls raised in the deep-South, I was intriguing to them. Girls from Mountain Brook and Mobile; from Brentwood, TN and Charleston, SC. Girls that grew up in the Kentucky bluegrass and in the muddy water of Memphis, TN. Girls who were raised in Buckhead and St. Simons Island but loved Alabama too much to go to Athens the same way I didn't go to a Florida school. New Orleans wild-childs and Montgomery prim-and-propers. I was one of them. The way I wanted to know what it was like growing up down the cobblestone street from the Battery Park in Charleston, they wanted to know what it was like growing up in Florida and what my town was like to have raised such a well-fit Alabama sorostitute.

To some people being "Southern" depends on a geographical location. To others being "Southern" is determined by social hierarchy, family history, and outward appearance. To some, however, being "Southern" is a state of mind and a way of life that is rooted somewhere below the Mason-Dixon but can be taken to any state, region, or university.

This state of mind can move with a family to a charming, Civil War town in Central Florida and does not have to be left behind in the foothills of the Smokey Mountains. The promotion that moved a family of four from their roots was an example of true Southern-hood by being a reward for hard-work and determination - qualities that have been passed down in our region for generations. Well-dressed and well-mannered, a North Carolina family can fit in right away in their new town because Friday night they'll be at the football game and if you miss them then you know where to catch them on Sunday morning. If it's an emergency, you know you can call that family at any time of the night or just drive over to their house and go on in - being welcomed with twang in their voices and sweet-tea in their refrigerator. Their neighbors are wine conoisseurs from Virginia, a former University of Alabama football player and Athletics Director, fellow North Carolinian's but rivaled Duke fans, middle school teachers with deep accents from Jackson, Mississippi and Columbia, South Carolina, a family from Troy, Alabama, and Junior League mother's from New Orleans and Atlanta. The kids I grew up with are spread out across the nation from Georgia Tech to Wake Forrest to Alabama to LSU and to Kentucky. As Southern Baptist's we get baptized as a personal testimony when we find redemption in the Lord whether it be at Vacation Bible School when we're 5, during a visit to our house by the Senior Pastor when we were in middle school, and maybe not even until we're 56 and about to be a grandmother. We are taught how to make coconut pie despite the Florida heat ruining our meringue. We can cook like a Cajun, like a Cuban, like an Italian mobsters wife, and like our great-grandmother did when we'd go to potluck family gatherings.

Even though our climate is sub-tropical, we still know Oaks and Pines in addition to the many types of Palms. We know how to wear floppy hats on the beach with our sorority sisters no matter how old we are, even though we go skiing out West to make room on our beaches for our neighbors from Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, and Georgia. We know how to shake a martini, we just prefer to blend daiquiris made with our world-reknown citrus. The celery factory down the road that sits underneath the water tower makes the celery stalks that garnish Bloody Mary's in New Orleans and Mobile. We embrace both college football and college basketball because our state is big enough for both ACC and SEC schools, and we are Tar Heel die-hards that come from basketball's finest state. The quarterback still marries the Homecoming Queen and high school sweethearts go to small schools in Alabama and Virginia but bring it on home for a high class Southern-style wedding that gives out R.C. Cola and a Moonpie as the favor at the reception. We raise our children to follow Jesus, to respect their Mother, and to mind their Daddies. Just because our country clubs sit on some of the world's finest golf courses and PGA and LPGA properties instead of in a downtown historic district does not mean we don't have tradition. We went to school with kids who came from minority backgrounds and we and were friends, teammates, and lab partners with dual-language students, but we made sure they taught us 'Roll Tide' and 'Bless Your Heart' before we left our little-but-big, big-but-little hometown.

The City of Oviedo, Seminole County, Florida (below)


Even though I came to Tuscaloosa a couple of weeks shy of my eighteenth birthday, I had been brought up and raised to have the same lady-like poise and elegance that my grandmothers portray through their golden years, just like a Southern lady should. I carried with me Christian values, good morals, and a strong sense of family and community. I appreciated history and 'what was' by having knowledge of the storied history of the Confederacy, but I looked ahead to 'what is' and how the Southern region is changing just like the rest of our nation. My sister and I hold on to every little piece of Southern charm that our hometown of Oviedo still has, and will never forget the many things that have already changed from the way it was in my own glory days. The town I call mine is small enough to keep it's old-Florida charm but big enough to stay in touch with the reality of the post-industrial, techno-savvy and almost futuristic world we live in. A town that used to survive in very large part by the family-owned celery and citrus farming companies named Nelson and Co. and Duda & Sons, Inc. can still find itself to be a cozy-yet-quickly-growing community made up of engineer's at near-by Kennedy Space Center and Lockhead Martin and home to college professors who help the nearly 60,000 students of UCF earn their college degree at the sprawling campus just a short, five-minute drive from our high school. The same August I started my college endeavors at Alabama, a second high school opened it's doors for the Oviedo community - a community that rocked on Friday Nights by coming together as one and making Florida high school football an equal to the always dominating high school football-crazed state of Texas. We smile when we see the flags of the Confederacy still flying in Oviedo's "little sister towns" of Chuluota and Geneva. We wake up and sip coffee in sorority t-shirts on a weekend back home to see Momma and Daddy but prove miracles exist when we make it to church on time in our Sunday best and sit beside our favorite Deacon and his offering plate.

Whether in pearls or pony-tails, the 'Florida Girl' twosome made up of my sister and I always dress ourselves in the correct state of mind. We proudly show our twenty-two and twenty-five year old Southern manners and we take good care of our Southern men in our life just like we do our favorite strand of pearls. We don't show up empty-handed and we would never buy it from a store when we've got the recipe for it memorized. The seventeen years in Florida falls short of the twenty-two years in 'the South.' Simply, our twosome may only be evidence to Alabamians that even in Florida your sister's your best friend and your strength in your moments of weakness. We may only be evidence that not all Florida residents spend their college years in Gainesville and we may only just be the most naturally tan out of our friends but we above our 'Florida Girl' status we are Southerners.

As sure as we are that the sun comes up in the East and sets in the West - thanks to our short drive to each Florida coast from our Spanish-moss decorated driveway - we are sure of our Southern-hood, proud of our style and grace, and Alabama Girls going on five years and running!!


-bjj
the 'other' sister




Destiny

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time." -Forrest Gump

My friends have always joked with me about my cynicism and sarcastic nature when it comes to topics of fantasy, fairy-tale, destiny, and fate. I'm deemed unworthy of happiness and doomed to fail by my bright-eyed and bushy-tailed girlfriends who believe in happily ever-afters just as much as they did when they were eight years-old. My guy friends are a little more tolerable of my realistic outlook on this subject. In relationships, some take it to be a personal message from me to them despite that not always being the case. I've been told that I was a pessimist and that I should try to be more optimistic when it comes to 'everything happening for a reason', as the cliche goes. However, I consider myself neither a pessimist nor an optimist, but rather - a realist. A realist is someone who looks at the reality of situations without manipulating it as either negative or positive. Instead, a realist looks at a situation as a whole and considers a situation's factors and outcomes in their entirety. Therefore, I look at the 'destiny' and 'fate' topics with a more realist-oriented mind.

I do believe in happily ever-after. I believe in serendipity, destiny, and fate. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe in fairy tales. I know what it is like to dream big and I know what it feels like to reach a goal that was set. However, I don't believe we just sit back and watch it all happen. My belief is that we all play an intricate role in determining whether our life ends up with either a happy ending, an epic or heroic conclusion, a horrible and painful ending, or a cliff-hanging end that puts us all on hold for the sequel to come out. I do believe that fate and destiny exist by giving you the hand you were dealt. What you do with those cards is up to you, however. Depending on the choices you make, your feelings and emotions, your core values and morality, and many other factors, is whether your personal life story is worth making a movie out of, and if it is - what is the genre? Would you be an Oscar-winning drama or a horror story? Would you be a tragedy of misfortunate events, or a black and white film without any splash of color? A comedy? An epic tale? Maybe fate and destiny dealt you a jackpot winning hand by making a Disney Princess movie out of you. Nonetheless, you are given the opportunity to play the hand you are dealt which means that every thing doesn't 'just happen', you can make them happen or prevent them from happening.

As a little girl the movie Forrest Gump, my all-time favorite, could use it's dialogue to teach me some of life's important lessons. Today, I still use some of the memorable quotes said by Forrest, Jenny, Ms. Gump, Lieut. Dan, and Bubba in order to relate to my own life. Most of us have all probably seen this movie, released in 1994, that portrayed revolutions that filled the United States in the 21st century. Like a U.S. History textbook had come to life, we learned about Vietnam as well as segregation in the South and the historical 'stand at the schoolhouse door' that took place at the University of Alabama. We learned about the Anti-Vietnam hippie-movement, the 1960 drug culture, and the storied musical era. We learned about political assassinations, the Watergate Scandal, and the military. We saw Elvis, Bear Bryant, and The Beatles. We watched a boy with special needs grow up, become a hero, fall in love with his best friend, become a millionaire, and bury his only love after she lost her battle with HIV/AIDS. Loving these characters was the only option I was given when I was first introduced to this movie fifteen years ago.

However, when I first saw this movie at age eight, I obviously did not relate in the same ways I do now. When young Jenny would pray "Dear Lord, make me a bird so I can fly far. Far, far away from here" I related when I was having a bad day in school or was sad due to the miniscule personal tragedies that taunt a third-grader. Now, I relate to older Jenny when she throws rocks at her old house and Forrest narrates by saying "Sometimes, I guess, there just aren't enough rocks." After being hurt, lost, and wandering in the world, I know the intense pain that your past can hold over you. Regrets, guilt, disappointments - sometimes throwing it all back doesn't equal a full relief of the pain and eventually you run out of rocks to throw. Maybe that's why my take on destiny and fate differs from most other girls. Maybe they still have rocks to throw, maybe they never wandered outside of their comfort zone so they have no reason to look at it from my perspective. Maybe the pessimistic girls were hurt even worse than I was by past relationships and therefore they feel as if all signs lead to negativity and as if they can't throw some of the rocks back at where they came from.

Forrest, narrating another pearl of wisdom from Ms. Gump says, "My momma always said, sometimes we've got to put the past behind us in order to move on." This quote has sought me through more trials than I can remember and also plays a factor in my personal views of the topics on destiny, fate, and serendipity. It has a way of explaining that the past affects our future only in the way that we want it to that helped me to develop the way I looked at life - it's opportunities, it's setbacks, it's risks, and it's rewards. Putting the past behind you in order to move on has always been an incredible truth in my life and it has helped me gain perspective on life's most important lessons - love, family, and happiness.

Lately, my ability to put the past where it belongs - behind me - and my recognition of destiny being both a thing of 'chance' as well as a thing of 'choices', I have seen fate at work in my personal life. I've witnessed serendipity and I've found a level of contentment that I have never felt before, yet I somehow knowingly accept my new happiness as 'what's meant to be will be.' I've let friendships that were empty of intimacy and mutual respect become things of the past in order to move forward into new chapters in my life. I've moved on in school, romantic happiness, and personal confidence because of the choices I've made in my life when fate and destiny deal me a new hand. I've left things behind because destiny and fate have given me new chances, and sometimes it's more fun, and a better decision, to be out with the old and in with the new so as to be lucky enough to experience serendipity for the first time in your life. Trust me.

Forrest asked his mother, "What's my destiny, Mama?"
She answered by saying, "You're going to have to figure that out for yourself."

Each of us are given opportunities, chances, consequences, and rewards throughout our entire lives. Sometimes destiny and fate help us out a little or cut us break; sometimes they're absent and we feel like we are going to be stuck spending our whole life searching for meaning and purpose. But in my life - and my realistic perspective makes this even sweeter - my destiny and fate presented themselves for the first time when I least expected it. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, I am a true believer. When I was at a point in my life that I least believed in happy endings and I was bitter toward my lack of 'everything happening for a reason,' I was dealt a new hand, I played my cards right, and I know serendipity on a personal level now.

I used to wish I never had to experience the turbulence and setbacks that hurt me so badly, the ones that left me wounded and scarred. I wish some of my past mistakes would go away at the throw of a rock. Now, however, I am grateful for all of my experiences - because without pain and without hurting how are we supposed to know how good it feels when the pain and hurt go away? Without a bumpy past, how would we know the smooth ride we're on today is the better feeling one?

"You have to do the best with what God gave you." -Ms. Gump

-bjj
the 'other' sister