writer's rut

Sometimes, I just really miss writing.  But yet, I don't miss the way I was when I needed the incredible relief that writing never failed to give me.  As an extrovert turned introvert going through the high's and low's of depression, I was a fluid writer then.  Maybe because I thought too much - I thought deep and lucid thoughts all the time, and writing was my way of getting it out of my head and clearing the space. 

There are tons and tons of unpublished blog posts that served as a blank canvas to my angry and sometimes self-depricating thought processes of my past.  I never published them, some things that I have written are mine and no one elses.  Writing isn't always intended for an audience.  Sometimes what you write is merely a dance with one of your demons.  You do the dance, you bow, and you thank God that it's over.

I don't think in the same process as I did when I was going through a time of emotional disturbance and mental turmoil.  Therfore, I do not write in the same way either.  There is no longer that NEED for relief because I have fulfillment in life that I did not have back then.  Still, I miss writing.

Is it bad that I don't know how to write when I'm happy? Why is sitting in front of a type-writer so much easier when you're depressed? I want to write, like really write, and I can't get myself to be able to do so.  All I know is, if my writing abilities hit the road when I finally kicked depression and anxiety out of my life - then let it be.  There is nothing worth letting those two back into my life.

But there's something that tells me I was a good writer before I was a sufferer of depression, I think I'll get my writer's swag back, but I need inspiration.  How do you fuel your creative writing?? Help!

via pinterest